Sweet Child Of Mine
by Zosie
Summary: Edward returns to Forks after college in NY as a single dad with Tori, his daughter with casual girlfriend Victoria. But waiting to greet him are old flame, Bella Swan and her own little surprise, his other daughter Lucy. Whom she never told him existed.M
1. Chapter 1

Sweet Child Of Mine

Prologue

Chapter 1

BPOV

The opening of Forks Childcare Center was a major event in the tiny town in Washington State and every mother and even some fathers, with children under school age, turned up at the opening. Even some ladies with pregnant bellies had come, determined to book their future rugrats in before all spaces were taken both for now and next year.

Single parents were given priority over married couples on the waiting list but this years intake was a free-for-all, first in, first served and I counted how many parents were in front of me in the line up yet again. Nope, none of them had disappeared, sadly.

Jessica and her partner in the Center, Lauren, were restricted to twenty pre schoolers and four infants.

I had planned to get here earlier but motherhood means constant surprises and delays and of course, this morning had been no different. Lucy had decided to sleep in, wake up grumpy, gobble her cereal too fast, spill milk down her clean frock and let's not forget the mat in her hair that had appeared overnight. There was no way I could turn up with a child looking like Children's Services should be intervening.

I had bathed Lucy again, applied half a bottle of conditioning detangler and carefully combed out the knot, and braided the end result for good measure. That would not be happening again if I could help it. Renee was forever urging me to have Lucy's hair cut to a shorter, manageable style but how could I ever bring myself to do that?

Every hair on that child's head was incredibly precious and the fact it reached past her waist and ended in beautiful six inch long corkscrew curls...well, it would be a crime to cut them off.

I placed my hand on top of my daughter's head and counted again. With luck, none of these people in front had twins or were booking in more than one child, so there was a chance Lucy would secure a spot. And some must be after placements for infants.

That couple with the matching platinum hair had a newborn only.

One less contender.

The thought of being able to go to work and know exactly where Lucy was and who was minding her would be a luxury I had not experienced yet in my three years of single motherhood. From the start, the baby had been juggled between Renee and myself, and anyone else I could rope in for help. I knew I had initiated the breakdown of my parent's marriage by staying in Seattle and stubbornly insisting Mom come there to help me, rather than face up to what was a done deal and come home again where she could be with Dad.

I'd only been back for one week now, and it could be a temporary thing.

That depended on whether or not I got into the only affordable childcare facility I had any chance of using. Rumour had it it was subsidized by a private company and the parental fees were amazingly nominal, nothing like the charges made in the Seattle Centers that kept me from ever using them instead.

Since I got back, even Jake helped when he could but let's face it, twenty three year old guys have better things to do than mind the child of the girl that they had crushed on but who never returned the same feelings.

We were still friends and always would be, but Jake was building up his walls higher and stronger and refusing to be my puppet these days. In my absence, he had grown a backbone as well as a new physique.

But I was glad, I carry enough guilt already. My parents marriage was crumbling and it really was all down to me.

Renee had spent too long away from being wife and partner, and was wanting to move on and have a new start. Charlie was fighting to salvage what he could and we were in the way.

At least they would both still live here in Forks and help me out when they could, the selfish part of me rejoiced. At some point I would have to learn to stand on my own two feet and manage my job and my child and everything else alone, and a safe place for Lucy would hasten that process.

The brightly painted sign promised all children here would be cared for by professionals in a clean, safe, warm environment and the smiling teddy bear and rag doll seemed to confirm those words.

Look at us, all child friendly, no nasty clowns.

Lucy actually loved clowns and had not inherited my pathetic fear of their ridiculous painted mouths and weird rainbow curly hair. Not to mention their enormous feet. I had nightmares about the length of their feet when I was a child. Renee had assumed she was giving me a treat, taking me to the circus but I couldn't stop thinking about the size of the feet that needed shoes that long. How on earth did they fit them into their beds? The blankets must stick up halfway to the ceiling.

I reread the sign and banished clowns from my brain.

"Newborns to pre schoolers catered for. Opening day this Monday, no pre bookings for this year."

The plaque underneath those words was new.

"_This facility has been generously sponsored by the Cullen family."_

Of course it has.

No show without Punch.

Oh God, more clown references.

It seemed my life would always be tied in with the Cullen family, but that is what happens when you are mother to Carlisle and Esme's grandchild.

I checked my paperwork again to distract myself from memories filling my head, unbidden.

Birth Certificate, Health record, immunization certificate, I had everything, I just needed there to be one space left when I got to the head of the line.

It had been a long, difficult haul getting to this point but I would manage somehow, even if Lucy missed out on gaining a place.

Somehow.

That's what mothers did, wasn't it? They survived and managed despite the odds.

Jasper Cullen and his wife and my bff Alice walked towards me, Alice waving her attendance book in glee.

"Bella, gosh, I kept a place for as long as we could without the others in the queue attacking us, but you still hadn't arrived when we got called in. Austin's in, Thank the gods. No more scrabbling for someone to take him each day. Now I can work every day and only call on family when he's ill. I shouldn't have said that, don't listen, Universe. He's never ill."

She scrambled for wood to touch.

Austin was only an infant therefore not competition to Lucy. He was one of the four babies allowed.

"Good luck, come around if...I mean, after you book in, okay? Rose is having a baking spree and we are all the lucky recipients of her latest obsession. Her ginger snaps are to die for."

She seemed anxious to leave. Something was up, or maybe I was being paranoid, and she was just feeling awkward because she had ended her babysitting woes and I hadn't, as yet.

"Sure, if I'm lucky enough to get a place, I'll be right around. If I don't, look for me in Jamie's Bar, probably curled in a ball crying, mind you."

"I'm sure it's your turn to deserve a break," Jasper said, patting my arm.

From his lips to God's ears.

He leaned in close to my ear and I saw Alice look uncharacteristically uncomfortable.

"I have to tell you something. Warn you, I guess."

I held up a hand to stop him right there.

"Later, Jazz. I'm on stress overload, I really can't cope with another single hassle. I always knew if I came back, some day you or one of the other members of your family would decide I had to know whatever there is to know about Edward's life these days, but not now. Please," I begged.

His brother was not my problem and his life, wherever he was living it, was nothing to me now.

Tell yourself, that, Bella.

"I'm sorry. I understand, it's just that..."

The couple in front disappeared inside at Lauren's invitation and I searched her face for a clue. Was I wasting my time? Were they taking the last space? She shrugged and held out two fingers.

Two spaces left.

I crossed everything in the hope they only had one child. I didn't recognise them at all, so had no clue.

I felt like my head might just explode and I watched as Jessica consulted with Lauren before turning my way.

The moment of truth.

She would either announce all places were filled or invite me inside.

The words she said were the sweetest I had ever heard uttered.

"Just one space left. Come on in, Bella."

I stepped forward, feeling like Miss America about to accept her crown.

We were in!

Jess checked my details, ticked every box and handed me the pen of freedom and I signed on the dotted line.

"Excuse me," a voice from the past interrupted my daydream as I leaned down for the gold tiara to be put in place.

"I believe an exception has been made for my daughter. I'm here to book her in and if there's only one placement left, it must be hers."

X~x~X

EPOV

Morning are always hard, well, let's be honest, all day, everyday is hard.

Work, fatherhood, family, at some point I'm really hoping to find time for myself again, one day.

Coming home to Forks had been a difficult decision. I'm a firm believer that the past is the past and cannot be revisited, or cried over but my entire family still lives there so if I need their help, and they have offered it frequently since Tori's birth nearly three years ago, here I must reside.

Her birth wasn't planned but that doesn't change how much I love my daughter and how glad I really am to have her in my life.

Single fatherhood was never my plan and I actually always assumed any girl whom a man who considered good enough to sleep with, deserved a ring on her finger if you knocked her up, on purpose or otherwise.

Victoria would have accepted my ring, but I know why I never offered it to her. Even though it wasn't like there were any serious contenders, for either of us, and we had been expecting a baby, it still felt wrong. Like a betrayal to a girl who didn't even care any more.

I know I should have manned up regardless of old feelings and disillusioned dreams, and I was aware that the reluctance on my part made Victoria doubt we had what it took to make a real, viable couple. As a result, she had given up on us and was road testing other possibilities.

I knew the ball was in my court. I could end this mess and do the decent thing, or I could let things drift on as they had, and probably end up seeing Victoria choose some other man. Men. Maybe amongst her many suitors, there was one whose intentions were honourable. She and I had been a mistake and a bad fit and should never have happened, but when you lose the one thing you want to have in your life, your brain tends to make bad decisions. There's a reason it's called rebound, as you bounce from the one you lost to the next badly thought out option that has little to no chance of lasting. It wouldn't have mattered in the long run, I had needed to draw a line after the end of my relationship with Bella, but my rebound affair had a consequence.

Tori Ann Cullen.

Tori was happy living with just me and seeing her mother whenever Vic decided she had time to spare to visit, and she had pretty much already decided she preferred her career to us, so it was all a pretty moot point anyway. If I wanted to salvage us, I would have to step up fast and put in a whole lot more effort than I had to date. And I would have to 'do the right thing' with the wrong person. That was the only way we would ever be a real family. An all out effort to commit to her , or single fatherhood, were my options.

I just needed to work out in my own time what would be in Tori's best interests because Vic and I would never be a love match, just a union of convenience.

Sleeping in the bed I had slept in during High School was both comforting and uncomfortable. Of course memories were flooding my head.

Bella Swan, beneath me, her chestnut highlighted hair spread out covering my pillow. Her deep brown eyes gazing boldly into mine as I thrust inside her willing body. She had loved me then, just as I had loved her.

We had been quite the couple, for Junior and Senior Year at Forks High and had spent our nights together either in this very bed or in her own, smaller bed at the Chief's house.

Of course we had been too young to handle the situation we were in. Exclusive, first time lovers, never having even dated anyone else. God, if it were more acceptable to get married straight from High School, and had we had a single parent backing us, that's what may well have happened.

Instead, we did as our parents insisted and went off to separate colleges and 'tested our love' like they urged us to do. And they had been right.

The occasional flights from my base in New York, to her dorm in Seattle soon cooled us off and like so many long distance romances, we fizzled out.

So many reasons we would fail. Too many distractions. Too many frat parties, surrounded by so many willing students wanting some fun with no strings attached, and add in the freely flowing alcoholic beverages, and you have a recipe for failure. But they were never the issue.

We never fell out or even split up officially, we just let us die a natural death and the calls and emails and text messages dwindled until they stopped all together. I tried to fix us, but we had a lot of miles between us and my only method of keeping in touch was by phone and text and she refused to answer either, in the end. Of course my pride was hurt and my ego badly bruised that Bella had been so unconcerned that our love was slipping away, and she had been so unwilling to fight to save us, which had been what I wanted. We were so good together, so special, so perfect. How could she just let us go without trying longer and harder? We were worth saving.

Sometimes that's how love ends. More with a whimper than a bang.

Sure we had problems, all the usual issues that arise in a long distance relationship, and add to that, my father was so determined to prove we wouldn't last that he refused to fund any flights to Seattle, so I only had the pittance I saved from my part time job. I saved every penny and visited as often as I could, but, yeah, that still left months between visits. She was lonely, I was lonely, and I guess sometimes four years is a lifetime.

My family had yet to tell me if she was back here, living in Forks again.

Who knows, she had aced her journalism course, I did check her final results out of interest to see if she had lived up to the early promise she had shown, and felt proud to have ever been hers.

My Bella, dux of SeattleU.

She could be anywhere. She could even be in New york, and that would be ironic. Me, crawling back home, needing my family's support, and her, finding her wings and flying free, as she deserved. Following her destiny.

One day she would launch her own magazine and it would put GQ and Cleo and Cosmo in their place, in the shadow of her own publication.

I would have come back and attended her graduation only it clashed with my own ,and I had to be there to give my own speech seeing I too, had topped the class, but at NYU.

Maybe that's one of the reasons Victoria and I had never meshed as well as Bella and I did, Vic was a mediocre student at best. She was at college to party and find a mate, so the unexpected pregnancy had thrown her off kilter.

It had taken a lot of persuasion on my part to even convince her to go ahead with having the baby. She preferred the quick and easy solution but the idea of living with a death on my conscience was more than I was willing to chance. Always knowing I was party to the murder of an innocent? Nuh, couldn't do it. I knew Tori's birth would end any hope of ever reconciling with the girl I loved, but I was sure by then it would never be an option available to me anyway. At least this way I got one of my dreams fulfilled. A baby of my own. Not with the woman I wanted to have a baby to, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

So I used all my best methods to convince Victoria to continue the unexpected pregnancy and had her so confused the final date where termination was possible slid by and she was stuck, forced to have my baby. It didn't cement us together, God knows a shaky relationship only flounders under that additional strain but we were still coasting along.

Neither willing to make that clean break until I announced I wanted to return to Forks and Victoria laughed in my face and said neither of us were important enough to her for her to move to the end of the earth to stay with us. I guess I'm one of those guys who is easy to leave and forget.

Tori needed us both, that was what I believed. Victoria disagreed, and saw the birth as a temporary setback in her life, easily rectified. She would turn her back on us and move on. One of us had to step up and be Tori's primary caregiver and so, seeing it was me who pushed for the birth, it seemed fair I would be the one left holding the baby.

I regret a lot of things, like not ensuring my child was born into a solid relationship, a marriage even, but I don't regret not tying the knot with Vic. I don't think she is my One and I am not hers, so I guess the solution is to cut our losses and move on.

But is that just my own selfishness talking?

I know I should spring out of bed and join the line up at the Childcare Center but as my father is it's patron, I guess I believe we should automatically qualify for a place there. It would be unthinkable that Jessica Stanley would turn Tori away, not if she wants funding to continue.

My door handle rattles and the sweetest face, topped by a tangle of red curls, peers in.

"Daddy, Nanna Esme says get your lazy butter up."

"Oh, my lazy butter should be up, should it, Princess?" I laugh. I must warn Mom that my child has never even heard the word 'butt' before. Vic and I are very cautious around her delicate ears, thus her conclusion Esme was using the word incorrectly and changing it to the closest word she knew. She's incredibly intelligent.

"Edward, I warned you, there will be a lot of anxious parents in line already. Some of them would sleep out to get to the start of the queue, if they wouldn't have frozen to death. Your father wants you treated like everyone else and no special privileges so if you want a place for Tori, you had better leave now."

She shoved the documentation needed into my hand and I ran to the car and strapped my daughter in.

Mom was already late for work and I had to at least attempt to show Tori was my priority and I wasn't back to unload her onto to Esme.

Mom was right, there was a line up reaching outside the gate and I caught sight of a jubilant Jasper and Alice. So, my nephew had secured a place, now it was up to me to ensure my daughter did too.

The line was breaking up as the announcement was made that they were down to the final spot.

A brunette with a small girl walked inside and I spoke up, reminding Jessica she might want to relax the enrolment method for the grandchild of her patron.

I stepped through the crowd, feeling every eye turned my way as I hurried Tori to the front.

The woman who had attempted to steal Tori's place turned and looked at me, with big brown eyes and I paused. My heart stuttered and stilled and I froze the smile that automatically began to form on my lips.

Bella Swan.

It was so good to see her again but as the reality hit, how she had let me go without so much as a murmur, or even a lousy single word answer to my calls and texts? It made me harden my heart again and go onto auto pilot. She hadn't wanted me to remain in her life, so I wanted her to know I had survived her rejection. I had moved on, hell, I had a child.

Then I realised there was only one reason she would be here.

She had a child too, and by it's size she had been conceived pretty damned fast after we ended. But then, it was possible hers was as unplanned as my own.

Her little girl stepped out from behind her and I looked from Bella's surprised but defiant face, to the girl's, and then to Tori's.

The two little girls could have been twins.


	2. Chapter 2

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter Two

BPOV

For the longest minute, it was as if the world had stopped and Edward and I stared into one another's eyes and each held our own ground. Then I looked away and and added a dot after my name and handed the form to Jess.

"Too late. I'm signed, sealed and delivered. But it's been great seeing you again, come along, Lucy. See you tomorrow, Jess, and thanks."

"Bella..." she replied, unsure what to do.

I shrugged and pointed at the board.

"First in, first served. Look outside, there are a dozen disappointed parents who missed out getting a place. You can't make exceptions and exclude a child already offered a place and enrolled. I believe that would be very unethical and possibly illegal."

Edward glared at me and his head was turning to face Jess, then back to me, then at what was obviously yet another love child of his, and finally to Lucy.

I was glad my daughter was dressed casually in a simple blue frock and sandals, because had she been frilled up in pink confectionery like his, I would have been confused which child was my own. They were that alike.

Well, in looks. His little petal was standing, holding his leg, looking around it shyly. Mine was sitting in the dirt, trying to make a gravel mud pie, glad of the chance to slip from my grasp.

"Bella..." he muttered and I grabbed at Lucy and lifted her squirming body into my arms and carried her bodily to my car and strapped her in, ignoring her indignant shrieks. The child is a drama queen and loves an audience, any audience.

I slammed the door, a clear indication any conversation was unwelcome and drove off.

Edward stood watching me, clearly torn whether to follow or argue with Jess.

Whatever.

Lucy had her spot secured in writing and I had paid the enrolment fee and Jess had even given me a receipt. It was done and dusted and if he wanted to jump the queue and steal someone else's placement, it had darn well better not be mine. I started work second in charge of the local town newspaper this week and I would not hesitate to put my own story on the front page if Lucy was subjected to any unjust treatment.

"Cullen Rejects Firstborn Daughter In Favor Of His Other Love Child" would be the headline. What a shame his second wasn't a boy, then I could also bring in the old 'sons favored over daughters' argument as well.

I was quite sure he was not married because even Alice would not have been able to resist telling me that fact the moment we met again last week. Frankly I was amazed she hadn't blurted out the news he was spreading his seed far and wide and attempting to repopulate the entire planet.

"She looked like me. That girl in the pretty pink dress. She had my face and my hair," Lucy stated, sounding amused.

"Girls do not have to dress up like that to be pretty, Lucy," I reminded her. "You are just as beautiful as she is and you wear sensible play clothes that won't make Mommy cry over when she has to toss them away because you ruin them."

"I wouldn't ruin a pretty dress like that," she replied.

Well, she had better get used to being the 'before' version of Cinderella because my wage here was never going to cover one off designer doll's clothes like that poor little girl had been forced to wear. Kids should be allowed to dress comfortably. But I guess Edward needed to make a show pony out of his other child, just so we plebs knew she was special.

I pulled up in front of Alice and Jasper's house, or should I say mansion, and helped my daughter from the car.

"Now, remember your manners, no fighting, no swear words, remember the rules, and try and stay clean," I suggested with forlorn hope.

Lucy would never be the type of child who could keep a birthday cake dress intact, even if my income could provide her with one.

I realised I felt extremely slighted for my own child's sake, but common sense was knocking and reminding me, he couldn't be expected to buy pretty dresses for a child he didn't know existed.

I wondered who Alice and Jasper had told about Lucy? They had both been speechless when they dropped in at Charlie's and she opened the door to them.

As amazing as her hair is, it really doesn't lend itself to hiding who fathered her and they didn't even ask. It was that obvious.

His green eyes flashed from hers, I felt like I was always in his company in a way, when I was in hers.

She had my temper, according to my Mom, but Edward could get pretty hot under the collar when the mood took him. And pretty hot in bed, when another mood took instead.

God, I had to find someone here fast, to scratch that particular itch. No way was I ever letting the local sperm donor near me again, and it had been a while. A very long while. My last encounter had left me pregnant, something that would never happen again. Triple bagging and a safe, sure implant. No Pills to forget, no relying on a slither of latex. I was already covered and always had a hopeful packet of condoms in my handbag and another pack in the drawer beside my bed.

I would never admit to him or anyone else, there had been no other lovers in my life, because there was at least one other in his, and from the age of his child, he must have gone straight from my bed to hers.

I guess I knew already who the baby Momma was.

The week I found out Lucy was on the way, I blew my emergency fund and flew to New York and went to tell him he was going to be a father. But he had neglected to close his bedroom curtains and the sight of him, in bed, doing all the things to the redhead he swore he only ever did with me was enough to let me know what sort of man I had let begin my baby.

I had watched as he kissed her lips roughly and pounded inside her body, and I had stumbled away, in a haze of tears, back to catch the next available plane.

Renee hadn't said a word when I got home. She seemed to sense all there was to know from just looking into my eyes and she had shaken her head and held me close.

"Bella, you are going to finish college. I am going to back a bag for myself, and I am coming to live with you until this poor baby is born, then I will stay home and look after him or her. It's the only solution that makes sense."

I had been too shattered to argue and had sat there like some zombie while my Mom fussed and made me drink herbal tea and 'eat something', though what it was, I had no idea.

Then we were back in Seattle, in a little rental apartment off campus, where plenty of other students lived side by side, and I somehow managed to stay at school and Mom worked in a local store and supported us.

I even managed to give birth in the break.

I never missed a day. By the time the new school year began, I had a baby girl who was almost sleeping through the nights and I dashed home between classes to feed her.

Mom did everything else, she said it was my job to study and pass my exams, and feed Lucy. Everything else was her job.

Charlie sent what money he could, and once Lucy slept through, Renee got a night job in a local bar and we managed, pay check to pay check.

I never told anyone about my daughter. I figured everyone at school already knew, and no doubt they had all already come to the right conclusion. Her daddy was not in the picture.

Charlie wasn't ashamed of Lucy but I dare say he was embarrassed having to explain, no, Bella is not in a relationship, she just has a baby.

That kind of thing goes unnoticed in the city but in Forks, it tends to cause gossip and I always assumed the Cullen's would hear about it that way. If they even cared.

I knew they did care.

Carlisle and Esme had always been wonderful to me, even though I was sure having a schoolgirl in their son's bed was not their ideal situation. They had always welcomed me to their home and treated me with respect and I had always felt welcome. I never felt guilty about keeping Lucy's birth from Edward, he didn't deserve to know, but Esme would be hurt, I knew that.

However, telling them wasn't an option. They would tell him and the shit would hit the fan and he'd be all 'give me my child' or deny he fathered her, neither situation was what I could cope with at that point.

Alice opened the door and Lucy jumped into Jasper's arms and threw her own around his neck.

Alice raised her eyebrows and I sighed.

"I know, she needs a Daddy. She tends to bond way too fast with any man who crosses our path but I did just get here. You can't expect me to land a man already, it's been seven days."

"What happened?" Alice asked, waving away my musings. "Jasper decided we didn't need to witness the 'big reveal' between you and Edward. How did he take the news he actually has two daughters?"

"We barely spoke," I admitted.

"What did he say?" she pushed.

"I think he said 'Bella', but I took off before he could say more," I replied. "I got that spot, fair and square and he had better not bully Jessica into giving it to his kid instead."

"Lucy is his kid as well," Alice stated, as if I hadn't realised. "He must have known that the moment he saw her. I mean, everyone does. That hair, those eyes."

"Yeah, lucky me and my weak, recessive genes," I replied. "Couldn't even push out a mini me and leave everyone wondering who the Daddy was, could I? I had to have Little Miss Edward Anthony Masen Cullen Juniorette."

"You didn't name her that?" Alice said in panic.

"Of course not. Lucy Renee Esme Swan. I figured I owed Esme a mention. Seeing she is my favorite Cullen."

"Bella, you will have to face him and talk about the girls. They are sisters and deserve a chance to get to know one another."

I shook my head and wondered if it would be better to just give his other stray child the placement and go back to Seattle. Renee would come back with me, and maybe we could find some way that we could both work. Maybe she could mind Lucy at night while I worked and I could manage to stay awake by day while she worked. I knew it would never work and child cares centers are so expensive, even if you could jump the waiting list. I'd optimistically put my name down on six in the faint hope maybe I would win Lotto by the time Lucy's name came up, but the fees had never been a problem, because she still had dozens of names ahead by the time we gave up and came home to Forks.

"I'm sure her existence is a shock to him, but that's his own fault," I growled.

"You are the only one who knew, why didn't you ever tell him?" Alice asked.

"I did try. I flew to New York on his birthday when I was six weeks pregnant and rushed to his apartment. I'm sure you know it well. Ground floor, big windows facing the gardens. I fortunately looked up into his bedroom window as I approached and there he was. Naked as the day he was born, making wild, passionate love to some pale skinned girl with a lot of long red hair. He hadn't even had the decency to tell me we were done.

I didn't want to tell him about Lucy's conception in a text or on the phone. I stupidly imagined he'd even be happy to know. I put down the lack of recent communication between us to be just one of those lulls, we'd had them before when we had finals or presentations to prepare. Though I admit I'd been too panicked to talk to him for a while."

"Oh Bella," she replied sadly.

X~x~X

EPOV

"All I can suggest is, maybe talk to Bella and some of the other Moms and see if anyone is willing to give back their place," Jessica suggested as I turned and faced her.

"Jessica, my father is your financial patron, I can't believe you didn't just assume I'd want a place held for my daughter," I growled, trying to extricate Tori from my leg.

"Well, one of your daughters got in, if that's any comfort," she replied and I glared at her.

"So, everyone knows but me," I replied. I tried to remain calm but fuck me, how could Bella have done this? I thought we had been something special and at the very least, I would have expected her to tell me I was going to be a father. I knew she had no longer wanted me, her silence spoke volumes, but to hate me that much? What had I done to deserve this? I'd left her messages, begged her to talk to me, wanted so much to find a way to fix things and all the time she'd kept this news from me.

"When was her daughter born?" I asked Jess and she frowned, clearly wondering if it was okay to tell me.

"Is this a question between friends, Edward? I can't show you her enrolment form."

"I realise that, but as everyone in Forks knows she exists, I imagine you all know how old she is."

"She was born three years ago, while Bella was still in college."

She traced a date onto the table top with her finger and I was surprised as I deducted nine months from it. It seemed the child was conceived that very last time we had been together, so she had not known, not while we were still a couple. She would have found out around...

God no.

I just hoped she hadn't told me for some other reason, not because she had come to NY and seen ...anything. Victoria and my short lived rebound affair had happened around that time and I was never that good at closing my curtains. But Bella never had that sort of money. It couldn't have happened that way, thank the Gods.

Anyway Bella and I were done by then, I would never have cheated on her. We had not even spoken for six or seven weeks and my last few desperate calls and texts had gone unanswered. Then I'd never heard from her again so it had never occurred to me that we'd had anything but a natural ending. A gradual lack of interest on her side. I hadn't blamed her, she had asked me repeatedly to defy my father and come back to Washington and show I was not blindly obeying his orders. She thought if I dropped out of NYU, my parents would relent and settle for me attending anywhere rather than nowhere, so I could force them to allow me to join her at SeattleU. Her doing the same would not work. The Swan's could never afford the fees to NYU.

I had let her down by not trying that one last thing that could save us. I was too afraid of Carlisle's reaction and I truly thought we could last the distance. I had been wrong. I guess I'd always known I loved her more than she loved me, but I'd risked everything by not making that grand gesture to save us. The price had been to lose my Bella and I deeply regretted that.

Tori tugged on my leg, wanting to leave.

"I guess I missed my chance. I'm sorry to have been so rude, I should have arrived earlier. Don't worry about it, Jessica. I'm sure Tori and I can cope with commuting to Port Angeles and using their childcare center. Forget I was ever here," I said distractedly, peeling Tori's hands away and lifting her into my arms. "Say bye-bye to Jess."

"Bye," Tori said , hiding her face in my neck. She needed to get out and mix with other kids, there was no doubt about that. Vic's prolonged absences were making her react in a clingy way, afraid to let me go in public. I could hire a nanny but that would not help Tori, only be more convenient for me.

"I will call if anyone cancels. You'll be on the top of the list," Jess promised.

"Thanks," I said and took my daughter to the car.

"Do you want to go see baby Austin? He's your cousin and I bet he has some great toys," I suggested to Tori, driving away. Alice and Jasper lived only three houses down from Mom's, and they visited daily. Mom was so happy her grandson lived practically on her doorstep and she got to play Happy Families with him, unlike her granddaughter who had lived in New York until now.

I mean, this granddaughter. I don't believe my parents know about the other, Carlisle would have found me and kicked my ass. Esme would have begged me to come back and marry Bella.

God, what a mess.

I recognised Bella's car straight away and almost changed my mind about calling in, then common sense kicked in. We had to talk and why not now, before we each got into a habit of avoiding one another. I was sure Bella would prefer that tactic but she had to at least tell me why she had kept that child a secret. I had no doubt at all that she was mine, there could not be another man in her life so like me. And back then, she wasn't seeing anyone else.

How things stood now, I had no idea, but I guess I was about to find out.

I tapped on the door and Jasper opened it, and I saw my firstborn up close for the first time as he held her in his arms. She was quite an exact copy of Tori, except there was fire in her eyes and a very determined tilt to her little chin. Maybe she had my coloring but just as clearly, she had her mother's passion and spirit. Nobody would ever mix up which child was which unless they were asleep.

"Edward, were we expecting you?" he said quietly.

"I saw her car, and now I'm seeing her daughter. I do know she is here."

"Do you really have to do this now?" he asked.

"Yes, Jazz, I'm sorry but I do. I presume she lives here, in Forks?"

"She came back a week ago. She has a job on the newspaper and intends staying," he confirmed.

"Well, I'm staying so the sooner we get this over and done with, the better."

I put Tori down onto the floor and she walked over to gaze at baby Austin, as he lay kicking his legs in his playpen.

Jasper put the other little girl down and she grinned and touched her own hair then pointed at mine.

"We have the same color hair and so does she," she said, pointing at Tori.

"There's a good reason for that," Jasper whispered under his breath. "Um, Uncle Edward, I guess, this is Lucy Swan, Bella's daughter," he said, clearly not sure what to say.

"Hello Lucy," I said and she looked me up and down.

"My Mommy has pictures of you in her photo book," she informed me.

"I used to be your Mommy's very good friend," I replied.

"And she has a big picture of you and her on my wall, in my old bedroom. She has a blue dress on and you are laughing."

"Prom," I replied. "Yes, I remember that night. We went to a special dance together."

"Can I play with her?" she asked, looking at Tori.

"Sure. Her name is Tori. She's a little bit shy but if you sit down and start playing a game, she might come join in."

"Come on, Lucy, let's get your dolls out of your bag and see if Tori likes dolls," Jasper suggested.

"Thanks, Jazz," I replied and walked out to the hallway leading to their kitchen, just in time to hear my worst fears confirmed.

Despite us being done for nearly two months, Bella had come to New York and seen me with Victoria, at the worst possible time. I felt as if I had been kicked in the chest. I would never have wanted her to see that and I felt overwhelmingly ashamed. Had she caught me in bed with a dozen girls, it couldn't have felt worse.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," I said, and Alice stepped back away from her friend and looked around.

"I'm just going to check on Austin and the girls," she said, fleeing and leaving us alone together.

"I thought we were over. I would never have been with Victoria if I thought for one minute you didn't think we were over. I just assumed we were. You ignored my texts and rejected my calls for months."

"I was late, Edward. My period was overdue and I was terrified. I had to finish college and I thought my whole world had collapsed. I waited to be sure, and to have the test and first scan in case it wasn't a viable pregnancy before telling you and I could hardly make small talk under those circumstances."

"Is that what you hoped?" I asked.

"Not then, but I did hope I would lose it when I saw you and her, like that. The last thing I wanted was a living, breathing reminder of you."

"That's understandable. God, Bella, I always thought we broke up cleanly, just drifted apart. I never knew..."

"Huh, I think I'm the one who never knew. How long had you been with her?"

"I took her to my place for the first time on my birthday. I hadn't slept with anyone but you and I was so lonely since we'd broken up. I felt like I'd go crazy, always wondering why you wouldn't even talk to me, and hadn't even said a final goodbye. I thought we were worth a goodbye at least. I had some lonely birthday drinks at the bar and went back to my place after the bar closed and I still hadn't heard a word from you. I expected if there was anything left between us, you would have called on my birthday. But you hadn't. I thought that was proof we were done. She was walking the same way and we got talking. When I told her it was my birthday and I was desolated by my recent split with you, she suggested she could cheer me up. I was so empty, I let her. It was meaningless and my way of gaining the closure you'd refused me. Was that the night you saw..?"

"Yes, your birthday," she confirmed. "I stupidly thought I was bringing you a gift, instead you had gotten one for yourself."

"I'm so very sorry. I truly thought we were long over by then. I'm surprised you went ahead and had the baby."

"Oh, I would never have considered getting rid of her. She was still my baby, Edward, even if you had tossed us away. I wouldn't kill her out of spite."

"I'm sure you wouldn't. It must have been very hard, though, going ahead and staying in college. I know you graduated top and broke SeattleU's highest ever scores."

"I can't believe I even passed, to be honest. I didn't care for a while but then I realised the baby was only ever going to have me to depend on so I had to try my best."

"Why come back here and not go for gold? You could have gotten yourself an amazing cadetship in New York, surely."

"A little matter of that three year old. I didn't think any city would be the best place to raise her. I loved growing up here in Forks, I thought she should have the same opportunity. Charlie adores her and Renee has been with me ever since I came home from the trip to tell you. She and Dad are having problems, mainly caused by my selfish need for Renee to live with me all this time. She and Dad have drifted apart. I think in putting my needs over hers, Mom has paid the price by losing her marriage."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Stop saying that. I guess had I been a little more streetwise, I would have realised we were done. I honestly had no idea until I saw for myself."

"Can I get to know Lucy at all or don't you want me near her? I will comply with whatever you decide."

"She needs a father but I don't want to spoil your current relationship. Are you still with Victoria?"

"Basically, she and I tried to be something but I was on the rebound. We lasted about four weeks before we faced the truth that there was nothing real between us. The damage was done by then and she was pregnant. We never lived together as a couple but we shared a place while she was expecting Tori, and I looked after her.

I was glad to have purpose in my life again, to be honest. There was never any hope we would click, we were over long before the birth. Once the baby was born she started dating again and I stayed home but every now and then we would have a stab at getting back together. When she was in between relationships. I don't mean I ever slept with her again, we'd just try and live in the one place and share the baby duties but it never lasts long. Once she thought she wanted more than I could give her but she knows that was wishful thinking. We were nothing to each other. But we have Tori so we will always be friends, at least."

"I guess that's better than nothing," Bella replied and I realised she meant, that was what she and I had now. Nothing. Just a child I knew nothing about.

"I wish..." I said, not completing the thought out loud. I wish I had known. I wish I'd found a way to make Bella talk to me. I wish I'd had the money to make one last trip back to say Goodbye. I wish I hadn't taken Vic home that night. I wish I had waited and not accepted the obvious conclusion we were done. I wish I had known she still had feelings for me and wanted us back. I wish I'd put more effort into saving us, and less into moving on.

"How many other girls have you been with?" Bella asked and I looked at her in surprise.

"I was going to be a father. I couldn't sleep around like some single guy. I had responsibilities."

"And after?"

"After Tori was born? I never cared about anyone else but her. I went into father mode and stepped up to the plate and became the best dad I could be and there has been no room for other women. I have a child, I can't sleep around with random women and expose Tori to that."

"So, apart from me, there has only been Victoria?"

I nodded. Just the one, but she was one too many. I could see that in Bella's eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 3

BPOV

I felt like I needed air and I had to get out of that kitchen and go

be with my daughter. Lucy was sitting on the floor with Jasper and

her doppleganger and my daughter was chatting endlessly, not even

noticing the other child was sitting there mute. Tori seemed like a

much quieter version and I suddenly was glad Lucy was so gregarious,

and friendly.

Tori looked a little lost as she sat holding one of Lucy's Barbie

dolls, carefully peeling the doll's dress off but looking warily to

make sure that was okay.

Lucy couldn't have cared less, she was practically ripping Ken's jeans

off. Like mother like daughter. I seem to remember having wrecked a

couple of zippers in Edward's jeans in days gone by.

I avoided catching anyone's eyes and sat down on the sofa next to

Alice and she handed Austin to me, sensing I needed the company of

someone completely oblivious to the situation we were in.

"And, Uncle Edward, Mommy has another photo in a frame in her bedroom

and you have not got on many clothes in that picture" she giggled,

covering her mouth theatrically. I swear this child channels dead

drama queens from the 50's.

"Uncle Edward?" I questioned, ignoring the looks I was getting.

Jasper looked embarrassed and I realised he had been put on the spot

and could hardly have said "And this is Edward, your father, Lucy."

"It's fine, Jazz," I assured him. I handed Austin back and faced

Alice. Her eyes were anxiously checking my own and I looked slightly

to her right rather than into her eyes in case her pity made me cry.

"Is it okay if I leave Lucy here? I have to go find a house to rent.

I don't think Charlie and Renee have any hope of reconciling with us

in the house with them. They need space to have some good old

fashioned argy-bargies and clear the air. They never fought in front

of me when I was a kid and I expect they won't do so if Lucy is in the

house, and I think Charlie has some things to get off his chest."

"Bella," Edward interrupted. "I'm sorry but I think maybe I just

signed the lease on the last rental property in Forks. The place has

gotten more popular since we finished High School and when I called

the realtor, he said he only had one listing so I took it sight

unseen. Of course, maybe someone's moved away since then, it was a

week ago."

I think we all knew the chances of that were slim to none.

"Great," I sighed. "I got the last place at childcare and you got

the last rental. I guess that makes us even."

"I'm willing to share. If you and Lucy want to move in with us,

there's plenty of room. Just as flatmates," he added hurriedly, no

doubt he was terrified I would take his offer as permission to defile

him whenever I wanted to.

That would be never.

"Where is it? How many bedrooms?" I asked.

"Just take Bella and show her the house. The girls can stay here if

they want to. Auntie Rose has made gingerbread men and she wants some

help with the icing and decorations when she gets here. Would you

girls like to help her?"

"If I can lick the icing bowl when we are finished," Lucy answered.

"I'm sure that would be okay," Alice replied with a smile.

How wonderful, my daughter is exposing every aspect of our life to

Edward. My keeping of the photos of him and my mediocre mothering

skills.

"Do you want to stay, Tori? Daddy will be back really soon."

Surprisingly, Tori nodded and Lucy leaned over and took her hand.

"Don't worry, Uncle Edward. I will look after her. She's in very safe hands."

"Okay," I admitted, "Lucy may watch more tv than recommended. She's

training to be an actress. I think that was Leave It To Beaver

reruns."

Lucy giggled.

"Timmy's in the well," she laughed and lay flat on the floor, rolling

about, amusing herself if not her mother.

Edward was biting back a laugh of his own. I was glad our bratty

precocious child amused him.

His was so good and well behaved and made no attempt to reveal his

secrets. Maybe some of her manners would rub off onto Lucy.

He stood and I sighed resignedly. This is how my life goes. You know

how they say life sucks then you die? I can only assume I'm dying

young because I've perfected the sucky part already.

Edward opened the passenger door like some old fashioned gentleman and

I rolled my eyes and got in.

"Bella, I just want to help you with Lucy. I don't have a hidden

agenda. I'm not going to sneak into your bedroom and demand payment

of rent in kind."

"You can be sure of that," I retorted and he ran his hand through his

hair and made it stick up like some messy baby rubbing his dinner in

it. In that second I knew he was floundering out of his depth just as

I was. This was one fucked up situation.

The house proved to be so perfect I knew I was moving in the second we

parked in front. Edward's furniture was being carried inside as we

sat there.

"Go upstairs and choose which bedrooms you want and I'll have our

furniture put in the other two," he said and I decided not to argue.

I wanted the master bedroom with attached bathroom so I could wash off

my many lovers that I planned to bring home and flaunt in his face.

I wouldn't be stopping at just one either.

To my delight, all four bedrooms had attached bathrooms so it didn't

matter which I chose.

The first bedroom was pale blue and had pink and white curtains and a

fairy castle painted on one wall. It looked like the pretty type of

girl's bedroom Tori would like. The second was painted in all primary

colors and had possibly been a boy's nursery. The colors were bold

and whole walls were contrasting colors. It may as well have had

'Lucy's Room' painted on the door.

Edward chuckled.

"Yeah, obvious choices so far. The princess's room and the court jester's," I said.

The next bedroom was probably the guestroom, it was painted in muted

beige tones.

Boring, my daughter would probably declare. It was so...characterless.

"Hmm," I said, hoping the last bedroom would be better.

Oh, it was. Where the last bedroom would guarantee blissful sleep

from complete boredom, this room was exquisite. There was so much to

look at. Oddly, the roofline was different and there were sloping

sections at the sides and a big dormer window with a boxed in window

seat, where I could already see myself lying in the gentle morning

sun, reading a book.

The windows across the back covered almost the entire wall and

overlooked a small spring and the forest behind it.

"Damn, Lucy will spend half her life in that water," I sighed,

leaning on the window frame, staring out.

Edward stood behind me and I heard him breathe in sharply and I smiled

at the memory of the first time he did that, at High School the first

time he got the courage to come speak to me.

He admitted later down the track my 'aroma' had attracted him as much

as my stunning good looks. Apparently Bella Swan smells pretty darned

amazing, and he had just copped a whiff.

I thought back to this morning. Yes, I did find time to shower, Thank the Gods.

I turned and to my surprise Edward was standing as still as a statue

with his eyes closed.

"I bags this room," I said, pushing past him. He grabbed my hand and

then my other hand and held them together with one of his own larger

hands and pushed me gently against the wall.

"Bella," he murmured, his voice thick. Methinks Victoria doesn't put out much.

I recognise a neglected libido when I meet one, having my very own and all.

"Edward," I answered loudly. "What do you want?"

He dropped my hands and stepped back.

"Nothing. Sorry."

I almost made a grab for his bulging jeans but I sensed that would be

a step too far.

I wasn't the type of girl to take seriously something he poked at me in jest.

"So, you get the boring room, sorry. But look at it this way, it is a

blank canvas and you can decorate however you like. Is Victoria

artistic? Maybe she will have some ideas."

"Victoria isn't living here. I thought I explained that. She is

happy in New York. She has other lovers, Bella. We haven't been

together like that since before her pregnancy test."

"Then she will need her own bedroom when she visits. Do you want Lucy

and I to share a bedroom?"

"I don't think Victoria plans to visit. Anyway, there's a guestroom

downstairs."

"But she must want to come and see her daughter. Tori needs her, Edward."

He shrugged. "Tell her that. I think we are excess baggage, just 'no

longer needed' on the journey she has embarked on. Surplus to her

requirements."

"Look Edward, she can leave you, whatever, you are an adult, but that

little girl needs to know she is precious to her mother."

"That's the problem, Bella. I don't think Vic sees that."

"Then you need to wake her up before Tori suffers any more. You must

see how clingy she acts with you. Fuck me, she needs to be in

childcare, doesn't she? She needs to learn how to play with other

kids. How to be separated from you yet trust you will always come

back for her."

I felt so torn. I needed that place for Lucy but in many ways, he

needed it more than I did. Him, the one with all the money and

family, needed Jessica to teach his child how to socialise.

"Edward, I have Renee. We have managed until now and Lucy already

knows how to join in and play with other kids. You should take the

placement and maybe you could pay Renee to mind Lucy."

Money was never a problem if you were a Cullen.

"You would do that, for Tori?" he asked in shock.

"I've only seen her twice and even that's enough to see she needs the

company of other kids more than Lucy does."

"No, I can't take Lucy's spot. I will work out a way. Pay for

another childcare worker, whatever. The Childcare Center is Carlisle's baby. There were

other kids that didn't get in as well. He and I need to come up with

a way to allow all kids who need to go there to have that chance."

"Okay, but the offer's there. Lucy will adapt to whatever arrangement

I make for her. She is used to being with other people. She's

already decided she is in love with Jasper. Alice better watch out,

in fifteen years time she is going to have some competition."

"Bella, she is a firecracker, that's for sure. The apple doesn't fall

far from the tree. I think marrying her father's brother would be

illegal."

"She doesn't know you are her father," I replied.

"Are we going to tell her?" he asked. "She should find out from us.

You know there will be many people here willing to make sure she knows

who her absent father is."

I really had not thought all this through.

"I guess it's my responsibility to explain. I only put that Prom

photo on the wall so when the time did come, I could start with ' that

man there with Mommy is your Father'. I'm not clinging to the past, if

that's what you are thinking."

"Oh I'm not. You've made it pretty clear I'm nothing to you now."

"I was nothing to you, I am nothing to you. That's okay, people grow

up and change. I dare say we would never have spoken to one another

again if not for the accidental child we have in common."

"I want to be there for both my daughters and I really want you to

forgive me enough to allow that. I had no idea what I did to you,

either time. I can't believe we had such different takes on how our

relationship stood. I would do anything to not have you see what you

saw that night."

"Me too. I wish you had told me."

"I didn't have anything to tell until that night."

"You didn't already know her?"

"No, and I didn't fall in love or anything like that. I guess I was

doing what guys that age do. Thinking with my dick."

"To be honest, I'm surprised she was the only one. I guess I've

always assumed you probably screwed half the females in the college."

"Nope. I left that to Emmett."

"Oh God, I want to see Emmett. Where is he?"

"Away. I don't know what's going on with him. Nobody's telling me

anything. He'll be home soon, for Christmas."

"Edward, you know you will have to tell your family about Lucy. At

least Charlie and Renee have always known. I wonder now what Dad said

to people."

"I don't think he said anything. I asked Carlisle if he knew where

you were now and he didn't mention you had a child. I don't think my

parents know she exists. Jasper would definitely leave it to me to

find out in my own time and have to explain to the parents. He has

very strict boundaries about us all minding our own business. He knew

I'd find out the minute I laid eyes on you and Lucy."

"So, do you want me to tell her alone? I think in a way that would be best."

"I would like to be there. I have to put a stop to the 'Uncle Edward'

thing for a start. What do you want her to call me?"

"Oh shit, Edward. You have to tell Tori," I realised. Gaining a father was one thing,

finding out he wasn't yours exclusively was another.

"Maybe we should go take them somewhere and explain together, to them both."

"I guess. Don't be upset at whatever Lucy says, she is three and she

has no idea of tact and diplomacy."

"That's fine. I'm the adult and whatever she says I won't hold it

against her. We should go back in case the girls are

fretting."

"Yeah, because Lucy knows how to fret. Not." I retorted. The day

that child fretted I would rush her to the ER.

"You have done an amazing job with her, Bella. She's so outgoing and

confident. You'd never expect a three year old to be so in charge."

"She's been my evil taskmaster from the day she was born."

"I wish I'd known her. Back then,when she was first born," he said

quietly. "I get it. It was my own fault but it doesn't stop me

wishing I could go back and have a do-over and do everything

differently."

"She was a cool baby, until she learned how to talk. Then the real

fun began," I admitted. "But you'd still want to have Tori."

"Yes," he agreed. "I would still want to have Tori so I guess I

couldn't change much at all, could I? I just wish I could erase what

you saw. That's my biggest regret. Seeing that will make you hate me

forever."

"Don't look back and never regret anything, Edward. That's my policy."

"You have no regrets?" he asked, amazed.

"Edward, we were kids. I was deluded to think we knew what the Hell

we were doing and what real love was. We thought we were in love, but

we weren't. We were kids playing an adults game. I played with fire

and I got burned. And adding a baby to the mix was insanity. I didn't

conceive on purpose," I assured him.

"I realise that. But you have no regrets," he repeated, shaking his head.

"Hey, I had two full years of hot sex and the occasional booty call

the next two years. What's to regret?"

"Nothing, I guess. Just how we ended. That we ended."

"It's life, Edward. Love or a reasonable facsimilie comes and goes

and all you can do is enjoy it while you have it and move on when you

lose it."

"Have you moved on, Bella?"

"Of course I have. What choice did you give me?"

"I meant, do you...date? Have you had other lovers?"

"Oh shit, I hope everything is okay," I said, gratefully seeing Alice

and Jasper waiting in the driveway with a tearful Tori and a scowling

Lucy.

Edward almost ran from the car, his unanswered question forgotten as

he rescued his daughter and held her tight, kissing her hair.

"It's okay, Daddy is here," he cooed, rocking his body as he held her.

"Tori wanted her Daddy, he shouldn't have left her," Lucy said

loudly, scowling at the man who had fathered her as well. "I don't

have a Daddy so I don't miss him."

I scooped up my fatherless child and kissed her face. She put on a

brave front but I still wondered if she felt the loss of the

unknown-to-her, man who should have been her Daddy. She had first

dibs, by rights.

"I think Jasper should be my Dad," she announced and Jazz laughed and

patted her back.

"I'm your uncle, chicken, I can't be both."

"Oh well," she sighed and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm tired.

I want to go home."

"Just wait until you see your new bedroom, it's pretty amazing. It's

got a red wall and a blue wall, and a yellow wall and guess what other

color the last wall is?"

"Green?" she guessed.

"You got it. Thanks Jazz, Alice. Bye Tori. Edward, when would it be

convenient for us to move in?"

"Any time, Bella. Why not come to the house tonight and show Lucy her

room, and we can all talk."

"Sure. I'll bring dinner. We eat at six, is that okay?"

"That would be fine."

"Bye Twinnie Tori," Lucy giggled and I raised my eyebrows.

"Bye Twinnie Lucy." Tori replied with a sob.

"We like each other and we have decided to be best friends," my daughter informed me.

"Have you, sweetheart. That's very nice. Alice was my best friend

when we were little kids."

"I like Alice and Uncle Jasper and Uncle Edward. And Aunt Rose came

and played with us too."

"Did you like her?" I asked. Rose had never been that into kids.

"Sure, she let me lick the spoon and scrape the icing bowl but I

shared with twinnie."

"Who made up that nickname?"

"Aunt Rose said we could be twins so we are."

I laughed. No doubt what she said was something like "Oh my God, they

could be twins," and my daughter took that as permission.

I drove back to my parents house and put my tired daughter to bed and

lay beside her. My old bed had only ever held me, and sometimes

Edward, and now Lucy. I curled up around her small body and slept.

X~x~X

EPOV

I was more nervous about telling Lucy and Tori the truth than telling

my parents, even though they are larger and will feel free to hit me.

I would hit me.

I can't believe I have another child, and wasn't

there for her or her mother. Victoria had needed me to be there for

every step of her pregnancy and knowing Bella had only Renee seemed so

wrong. Nobody she could hug at night and confide all her fears to. I

knew Vic had been scared of giving birth, scared of dying, scared of

splitting in half as the baby emerged.

I couldn't have been there properly for both Vic and Bella but I

should have been. Bella had gotten the short straw, that was for

sure, though I was no catch. I was everything I hated in a man. I

have never understood how any man could leave his child inside a woman

and walk away, now I find out I was one of the bastards that had done

that very thing.

I'd never been with Bella while my very first baby grew inside her. I

never saw Bella's belly grow, or felt the kicks and punches from

within. I never smiled into her eyes and shared the secret intense

joy that we were doing something amazing and worthwhile, we were

creating a life.

Even though Victoria and I had never been in love, it was still an

experience we had shared together, and it had made us a couple in one

sense. It made us parents in common.

Lucy, I hadn't even known about.

Not about her conception, or her growing from embryo to fetus to real live baby.

I'd missed the birth of my firstborn, seeing her little body leave her

mother's, see her take her first breath, see her pink up and cry.

Missed that feeling that there was a God, because that moment was so

amazing and perfect and could not be down to Man alone.

I hadn't been there to hold Bella's hand and kiss her for giving my

child life. I hadn't comforted the newborn who had gone through who

knows what terror as she was evicted from the only home she knew, into

the big wide world. That must be the moment we need human contact

most of all, surely. She needed me to hold her and kiss her in

welcome, and promise to be there for her, forever.

I know Bella would have done that, but she had to do it alone.

No matter what happened in future, that would be the worst crime I

ever committed.

I let my Bella be all alone when our baby arrived.

She had been my Bella. Even if she now knew she never loved me, I had

loved her. Maybe I was just an immature kid like she said, but while

we were together, she was my world, my everything.

I had lacked the strength of character to live without her and wait

until we could be together again but had we gone to the same college,

we would have made it. The regrets I had felt about us not lasting

paled into insignificance to the regrets I felt now. And I couldn't

even wish I'd never met Victoria without knowing but for that fuckery,

I would not have my Tori.

I'd missed three years of seeing Lucy grow and change and learn, and

never held her in my arms, or kissed her little baby face or smelt her

milky baby breath and none of that could happen now.

And because of Tori, I knew exactly what I had missed. It wasn't just

theoretical, I had experienced so many days and nights with my

daughter, thinking she was the most wondrous miracle and had not known

another just as perfect little baby had existed as well. I wanted to

cry for that but this was not about me.

Finding out who I was could damage both of our daughters.

Tori fell asleep before we got to the new house, so I carried her up

to her bedroom and found Esme and Rose making up her bed, so I slipped

her into it and went downstairs.

Rose looked at me, and I went over to her and took her hand. Despite

whatever is going on with Emmett, Rose had been perfectly friendly to

me since I got back to Forks but I could see she wanted me to tell my

Mom about Lucy.

"Rose, Bella and I are having dinner together here tonight. We are

explaining things to the girls, then I will tell Mom and Dad."

"Sorry, Edward but I think you will have to tell Esme now," she said,

indicating for me to look to the doorway.

"Mom, come and sit down," I suggested. "I guess you get to hear it

first. You know how you and Dad have always been disappointed in me

for having a baby with a woman I barely connect with? Well, that's

just the tip of the iceberg as it turns out. When Bella and I split

up, I left her pregnant and alone and she has a three year old

daughter that I managed to leave behind."

"You didn't know?" my Mom asked.

"Nope. And before you say Bella should have told me...remember the

night you decided to surprise me and bring my birthday gift in person

and you saw.."

"I know what we saw, thank you Edward. You don't need to remind me.

Curtains were invented for a reason."

"Bella saw the same thing, on the same night. She came to tell me she

was pregnant."

"Oh no," Mom said, tears instantly appearing in her eyes.

"It gets worse. She didn't assume we were done, like I did. She

didn't move on and take some random guy to bed because she was lonely.

She didn't break her neck in a rush to replace me. I fucked up in

every way and I hurt her so badly she can't even admit it. She thinks

she doesn't care and wasn't shattered but her eyes are different now

and I know that's down to me and my dick. I killed something in her

and she is never going to be the same."

"But she came back."

"Not for me, Mom. Never for me. She came back because she wants to

raise your granddaughter in Forks, where she has a job and her

parents."

"Is that where Renee has been all this time?"

"Renee went to Seattle to help Bella finish college and endure the

pregnancy and then to help with the baby."

"I knew Charlie wasn't telling us the real story. He said she needed

time to herself and wanted some space. That was never the Renee I

knew. What's she like? Your new daughter?"

"Lucy. She's amazing. You are in for a shock because she is the

image of Tori but it's like she inherited my looks and Bella's

personality. She's so bright and sassy and defiant. You'll adore

her."

"That goes without saying."

"The girls have spent a few hours together and she and Bella are going

to move in and share the house with us."

"So Bella must not hate you, Edward, or she wouldn't do that."

"She needs a place to live, so Charlie and Renee can work on their

marriage and I have the only house available in Forks."

"But you still plan to build on your land?"

"I don't know now. Maybe. It's kind of complicated. That meadow

had special significance to Bella as well as to me, or it did, and now

it's like I'm ignoring that and building my future and my daughter to

another woman's future on the space that was ours. Mine and Bella's."

"Maybe things will work out and you and Bella might.."

"No, Mom. Don't even imagine that could ever happen. What I did to

her can't be mended. Please don't ever say anything to her along

those lines. If she lets me help with Lucy, that is all I will ever

ask of her."


	4. Chapter 4

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 4

BPOV

"Bella, sit down. The more relaxed we are..."

"Fine," I retorted. The kids had eaten, Edward had eaten something, not a lot and I couldn't even swallow. It was ridiculous, the ones about to judge us were three years old.

Rose had left enormous bowls of chocolate mousse in the fridge so I got one out for Lucy and Tori to split.

I offered everyone more food, made coffee and milkshakes, helped the girls share a desert together, cleared the dishes away, stacked the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, and washed sticky little hands and faces.

Anything to delay the inevitable.

Edward lay down four photographs on the coffee table and the girls knelt beside it.

"Who is this?" he asked, holding up a photo of me he apparently had kept.

"My Mommy. Is'bella Marie Swan," Lucy answered.

Tori clapped and pointed at me. "Bella," she said sweetly.

"And who is this?" Edward asked, showing them two identical photos of himself.

"You," they both answered, Lucy's enthusiastic voice drowning out Tori's as usual.

"And who am I?" Edward asked.

"My Daddy," Tori answered. "Edward," Lucy added.

"Who is this?"

"My Mommy. Toria."

"That's right, baby. Now, let's put your Mommy and your Daddy here together," he said, sliding the two photos in front of Tori.

Lucy immediately slid my photo in front of herself.

Edward smiled and slid the second photo of him beside my photo.

"Now, here we have me, Edward, and Victoria, and they are Tori's Mommy and Daddy. And in front of Lucy, there we have me again and Bella. And we are Lucy's Mommy and Daddy."

Tori failed to react but Lucy sat down on her bottom and picked up the photos.

"You are my Daddy too?" she asked.

"Yes, is that a nice surprise?" he asked.

"Not Uncle Edward?" she queried.

"No, not really. I'm your Daddy but I lived a long way away. In New York. It's a big city so you and I didn't see one another for a long time."

"So you put me inside my Mommy's tummy?" she asked.

"I did."

"So you love my Mommy very much. Mommy told me when I asked her how to get a baby,that the Daddy loves the Mommy very much and has a special cuddle and they make a baby."

"That's true," Edward replied.

"So you and Mommy had a special cuddle and you and Tori's Mommy had a special cuddle too," she stated.

I thought I may well pass out. Who knew you could ever wish your child was less bright?

"That's right. Sometimes one person can love two people very much. I loved Bella and I loved Victoria so we did have special cuddles and we did make two babies. And we named them Lucy and Tori. And they grew into two very special little girls that we all love."

"So, Tori has to share you with me? Like our dessert?" Lucy asked.

"Yes, just like your dessert," Edward agreed.

Tori held her photos together in one hand and looked at Lucy.

"I will share Daddy, twinnie."

"Good." Lucy liked things settled. "Come play Barbies. You can have Ken. I will share Ken if you share your Daddy."

Apparently it was a deal.

Edward had already discussed this all with me in private and explained, as far as Tori would ever know, he and Victoria had been a love match. He never wanted her to know the truth, that only the other 'L' word had actually applied.

"She will never know she was only made because of a condom failing to do it's job," he had said.

"I'd much rather they thought of me as some douche who spread himself around and wanted to have kids with two women he loved at the same time. I never want them to wonder if unplanned equals unwanted. I would have wanted Lucy, Bella. I would have been there for you both."

I agreed, it would be shattering to anyone to know they were the result of a random screwfest that lasted a month and then forced the parents to stay together on and off for years, trying to make a silk purse from a sow's ear.

Not that our relationship was any better by the time Lucy was made. I was equally determined that she would not know she had been conceived in what Edward saw as break-up sex. It hadn't been that way for me, so it wasn't a lie. I'd still been naively deluded that what we shared was love.

Love did not manifest itself by allowing one of the partners to have sex with some random girl from a bar.

I don't think love really exists myself. I think teenage hormones flood our brains and convince us of illusions and make us think we feel more than we do, just to ensure the human race goes on. If we didn't feel like we loved and wanted to be with that person, then there would not be many babies.

Oh, of course, some babies do come from hook ups in bars, I forgot. Maybe there would be just as many unplanned babies either way.

I do believe in parental love, there is no way to describe what I feel for Lucy without love being in the description and Edward clearly loves Tori with all his heart. It's only romantic love that doesn't really exist.

I used to look at boys sometimes, after Lucy was born, and try to imagine what it would be like to sleep with some of them, even if I never again had been bothered by delusions.

I can't quite see why you would want some guy inside you without the imagined feelings, though.

But Rose used to say, that was what alcohol had been invented for. To make you think you felt those feelings, when in fact it was just a chemical hit to your brain.

I know from now on, every encounter, hook up, fuckfest, whatever you want to label it, will occur because it's by my own choice and while alcohol may well be involved, it will not be the cause.

I will never again believe I am in love.

I would only sleep with guys I was attracted to and while Edward may have some belated holier than thou complex about screwing around, that's only because he got caught out with both women he did sleep with.

I guess that's kind of sobering. If you knock up every hook up you ever have. If every session of break up sex leads to a pregnancy. How ironic, you do it to close a chapter and move on, and instead you create a life that may well bond you to that girl forever, in a way.

I guess his life sucks as well. Not that he seems to resent either of his daughters at all. I catch him looking at Lucy with such longing, I can almost read his mind. He wishes he had known about her from the very start and had been there when she was born. I guess he paid dearly for his fucking around. I accept in his eyes, he didn't think he had cheated. We had let things slide a lot, even before that last encounter.

I was fed up a lot, seeing couples everywhere. Always being the third wheel when I went out with friends. I didn't want some pretend date, I wanted Edward at my side and I punished him by ignoring his texts and

refusing to call him no matter how much I longed to hear his voice. When he did call, I was frosty when I answered and dismissive of everything he said. Basically I had slipped into bitch mode out of anger and frustration. It isn't only guys who miss sex when they are used to having it on tap then the tap goes to a college across the other side of the country.

And I just wanted to be held, so badly.

But unlike him, not by the wrong arms. Nobody else would ever had been what I needed. I had needed Edward's touch, Edward's skin, Edward's lips.

"Bathtime, then a story if you are good," I announce and Edward redresses naked Barbie's and packs them away while I wash our kids and get them dressed and into Tori's twin bed together.

I have to buy furniture for us, I'm sure here must be some place here that sells it nowadays.

The girls are playing with their photos, laughing as they swap photos of Edward. Tori kisses Victoria's photo and my heart cracks a little.

Edward offers to read so I clean the bathroom and put a load of washing into his washing machine in the laundry downstairs and make more coffee, now my throat has relaxed and I can swallow again.

It had gone rather well, and as I walk upstairs with a mug in each hand, I hear a lot of giggling as two small voices say the same words.

"Goodnight, Daddy."

Edward emerges, pink faced and smiling and I hand the drinks to him and go say my own goodnights.

"Goodnight Mommy," they chime, and giggle again.

"I'm sharing you with twinnie. So you are my Mommy and hers, okay?" my daughter asks, putting me on the spot.

"Okay, but maybe Tori should call me Mommy Bella."

I have visions of Victoria coming at me with a meat cleaver or something, determined to kill me for stealing her child's affections.

I kiss them both and retreat.

"Sleep. I mean it. If you keep Tori awake, then you sleep on the sofa."

I'm not even sure Lucy would see that as a bad thing. She has slept on worse, when she has been farmed out at times if Renee and I were both working/schooling.

At Jake's, she slept on his chest. She didn't mind but I don't think he enjoyed breathing in her hair.

Edward looks around and shrugs and leads me into his boring beige bedroom and we sit on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks for this. I think it went down okay, don't you?"

"Amazingly well."

"Now for the dangerous part. You are sure you don't mind staying?"

"Go, Edward. I'm sure Esme has softened your father up for you. And he doesn't have a gun, right?"

"Not that I know of," he frowns. "But I have been away a while, don't forget. He might have a whole cupboard full."

"Then find out if you are bulletproof," I advise and shoo him away.

I hear the front door close behind him and I lay on his bed and switch his tv on. A movie I want to see starts in twenty minutes so I spend that time snooping. No Playboys or porn of any kind but he does seem almost paranoid that Tori be protected from anything bad.

His photo albums beckon and I stretch out on my stomach and flick through photos of the pale skinned redhead as she expands across the waistline and poses with a hand held against her backbone. I remember that, the way my spine ached and tried to break towards the end. I never got nearly as big as she did, though. I'm not delusional, I have photos.

I looked merely out of shape, never pregnant. Many of my fellow students were shocked when Lucy was born and a couple even said they thought maybe I didn't know, either.

How could you not feel those kicks and thumps and the weird turnings babies do? Or feel them and pass them off as something else?

Edward is in some of the pictures, and sometimes he has his arm around her shoulders, but it still lacks that real connection couples usually have when waiting for a baby.

Then I turn the page and sincerely wish I was not such a stickybeak as a single photo of him, on his knees, his hand on her belly, appears. The look in his eyes cuts me to the quick.

He used to look at me like that.

How can he deny loving Victoria when he is looking at her like that?

Then my eyes follow his gaze. He isn't looking at her face, he is looking at her belly.

I turn that page quickly, pushing all the jealousy that we never shared that back into the box in my head where it belongs.

Your choice, Bella. You still could have told him, and made him step up. He would have been a busy little bee, buzzing from one pregnant friend to another, but we could have shared, like our daughters managed to do.

I don't mean we could have formed a harem or anything, but he could have been there for Lucy and me as well.

The next album is even worse, because although it starts off with just her in a hospital gown, the next pages show him, helping her push, and I shut it suddenly when I see him hold Tori for the first time. She's bloody and screaming and her limbs are splayed and he looks like he just found God.

Not fair, not fair.

I push the albums away and shut my eyes and try to stop the video playing in my head.

"Push, Bella. I know it hurts," some strange woman says."You will soon be meeting your baby."

Do I even want to?

'Don't be a boy. Please, don't be a small Edward.' I plead inside my head to the child trying to kill me as it pushes its way out.

I figure it doesn't really matter because this cannot be how it should feel, I must be dying.

Nobody would ever go back for a second child if it hurts this much for everyone.

"You are doing so well," she says, even though I'm not. I can't push, it hurts too much. I'll just lay here and pretend I'm already dead.

"Here we go. Just one more big push, Bella," the doctor promises and I decide if one more push gets this over, I will do it after all.

"The head's out, now pant. Good girl. One more push."

One more push? Lying bastard, he already made me do one last push.

Then I hear the little strangled cry of my daughter and I know I have to save her before I die, so I push again and she slips out.

She looked like Tori had in that photo, only nobody was there to hold her so they put her on my belly.

She bawls loudly then she just stops, like she knows there is nobody here to greet her.

The nurse does stuff and hands her to me, in a blanket and I kiss her and cry big hot tears over her, because she is all I have and worse, I am all she has.

The doctor sews me up and frowns at how many stitches I need.

"Sew it up properly, completely, I'm never having sex again," I beg and they all laugh.

"No, it's not funny. Do it."

"If I did that for every woman who asked me to, I'd make a fortune when they change their minds and want the reversal," he laughs.

"Not me. I'll never want a reversal," I swear.

The door bursts open and Mom runs in and apologises.

Didn't check her phone, missed the calls because it was on silent somehow, missed the bus.

It doesn't matter.

I have felt alone before but never so much as I had as Lucy left my body.

"What's her name?" some nurse asks and I recall a movie I had watched, set in the era of the Bronte's. It was the usual story, two people torn apart and kept apart for some stupid reason.

Lucy and Edward.

Never meant to be together. Destined to be apart forever.

"Lucy" I answer.

X~x~X

EPOV

"You had absolutely no idea?" Carlisle asks me again.

"No, Dad. As if I would have just left it as it was if I knew. Even though she hated me, and with good reason, I would have been there for her and at the very least, I would have found a way a lot earlier than this for us all to live together or at least in the same town. You can't seriously think I would abandon any child of mine, but one I made with Bella? Bella, Dad."

"And what happens now, Edward? I know you and Victoria are just one big mistake but we all do concede you and Bella really were a loving couple, even if you were too young."

"I've lost her forever. Nobody could ever see what she saw and forgive me. I don't blame her at all. It would have been more than I could have coped with. I didn't cheat on her but that's the way she saw it, so all I can do is imagine if I caught her cheating on me. How would I have felt?

All I know is, I would have killed him."

"You realise Lucy has to receive an equal share of your grandfathers trust?"

"Yeah. Won't Bella just love that? You know she is going to try and refuse and insist she can take care of her own child and has done so for three years."

"It's nothing to do with Bella. Your grandfather left that money to the first Cullen grandson and granddaughter. There's plenty to go around. In the circumstances, I'm sure Bella will agree to gift half to Tori."

"She will want Tori to have it all."

"Well, she has no say. If she refuses, the money will simply be invested in Lucy's name and held in trust until she turns eighteen."

"Dad, I don't know how to help her. You know what she has always been like. Proud. Independent. Now add 'truly depises me' to the mix and tell me what to do. She is only living in the house with me because she wants to do what's right for everyone else, apart from herself. She wants Lucy to get to know me, and me her. She wants the girls to be sisters. She wants Charlie and Renee to get over their issues. I think if there had been a vacancy in Hell she would have taken in over one in my house."

"Then just be there and do small things, on a daily basis. Big gestures will only annoy her. Just be the same type of Dad to Lucy as you are to Tori and eventually she will have to admit you are not all bad. Edward, you made mistakes and we all have. What you need to do is fix what you can, accept that not everything is fixable, and do your best."

"Could I use your phone in the study? I know one thing I can do that she can't object to until it's too late."

"Sure, go ahead. But be very certain this won't just piss her off, Edward."

"Oh, she will be pissed but she won't know who to be pissed at. She doesn't know how much money I am worth now. I think she probably thinks you are still giving me handouts."

He laughed.

I was worth more than my father these days. Some canny investments that Alice actually had a dream about had panned out and made Jasper and Emmett and myself a very tidy profit. We'd invested our legacies from our grandparents and invested them in a company Alice assured us was about to secure a massive contract. How did she know? She dreamt it.

Whatever. Let's just say we ended up with our trust funds multiplied by a hundred.

We pulled out, of course, when the shares peaked and cashed in big time. No more gambling, we all agreed but it had been worth the risk.

"Hello. I'm calling about a student loan my granddaughter has," I said gruffly. "Isabella Marie Swan. Student i.d. 20620577. Yes, I'd like to pay it off for her. Full balance. Thank you. Oh, it's her birthday. She is my favorite granddaughter," I confessed.

I transferred the total online to the account number he gave me, and thanked him for his help.

Bella has never known her grandfathers, they both died young, before she was born.

She would be notified the debt was paid but she would never be able to prove who paid it.

I sat down with my parents and drank coffee and ate cake. I had barely touched dinner, my stomach had been in knots. Of course there still could be fallout as the girls grew up and realised about 'special cuddles' and the type of men who had them with two women so closely timed.

They would lose any respect they had for me, presuming they had any at all by then.

Dammit, I hated what had happened but I loved the resulting children. I wanted to yell and scream at the injustice of life and how clueless I had been and not to mention, the damage I had done to the one girl who ever meant anything to me.

I'd kissed a lot of girls and partied and had 'almost' sex with a few before Victoria made her discovery, but it had been stupid and empty and meaningless.

I had actually been quite glad to give it up, and let my liver recover.

My life had been kind of strange. I'd gotten everything out of order. I'd met my soulmate far too young, I'd begun having sex before my brain could really understand how precious that was, and I'd never appreciated what I had.

I'd become lazy and careless with Bella, and tired of her bitterness over us being apart, there was nothing I could do about it. Carlisle had held the purse strings. I had asked repeatedly to be allowed to attend the same college as her and he had refused to listen to reason. I had threatened to quit and he'd pointed out it was my future and hers I was jeopardising by talking like that. As if Charlie would ever agree to us marrying if I was a drop out. My whole life had been all about her but she gave up on us before I did, in truth.

She had said many times we should just let it go and have some fun, because pining and infrequent trips to see each other were not doing it. At first we'd be all over one another then Bella would start crying over how soon I had to go back, and the whole weekend would be spoilt.

They were right about one thing. We were too young to handle separation.

Amazing together, fucking useless apart.

It had gotten to the point we both knew a clean break was the best we could hope for but I guess, we never did say the words.

Neither of us actually said out loud, that we were done.

We'd talked ourselves hoarse and the silence had spoken to me. For six weeks before my final visit to her dorm, she had refused to communicate with me, and she was frosty while I was with her, so yes, I admit, I thought it was break up sex. I enjoyed it, it was as amazing as it ever had been and it was sad and sobering and we had both shed a tear or two, but no, we had not said a final goodbye.

I guess guys and girls see things differently.

I added up all the clues and heard the conclusion in my head.

She clung to some unspoken hope that things would somehow get better.

Now I know even thirty year old couples fail at long distance relationships, and I also now know communication is essential.

But twenty five is a massive distance from twenty.

Live and learn, they say.

Then I'd gone through the manwhore period that most boys start with, thinking kissing as many girls as I could was a great idea and letting them satisfy my needs in ways other than full sex...one thing Victoria had showed me was I wasn't actually a fan of fucking if I didn't connect with the girl first, so I crossed it off my list, and assumed one day I would meet someone I loved like I once loved Bella.

I still hold on to that hope.

I want a family for Tori.

If things hadn't gone the way they had, I would be trying to rebuild my former life with Bella but I know that can never happen. You don't get to kill somebody, however accidentally, then resurrect them back to life. I'd killed part of her, a very special precious part but I would not be the one to fix it. She would always despise me.

I had a vague idea floating around in my brain. I had met someone the day I returned to Forks and he had come across as a real dependable type of straight shooter of a man. He was Jasper's best friend and Alice liked him a lot. She had said much the same thing as I had thought. If she had a sister she'd be setting them up together. He was the sort of man you would trust to take proper care of her.

Maybe I needed to invite him home and introduce him to Bella.

I don't know why that thought makes me feel like my heart stops beating because there is nothing between us these days, but it does.

You can't lose what you don't have and I really do want her to be happy.

I'm not pimping her out or pushing her off onto someone else, but if I cant have her, I would like my daughter to have a decent sort of stepfather. And I'd like Bella to have another chance to have the life she deserves.

I grit my teeth and dialled his number.

"Garrett? Hi, Edward Cullen. I was wondering if you wanted to come over, meet my kids, have a meal some time? Yeah, kids plural. It's a long story but an interesting one. Friday? Sure. I'll send my address in a text. Bye now."

I would not be suggesting anything, just introducing them and if he liked Bella and she liked him, then at least she had a built in babysitter.

I could handle this.

As Bella said, we were nothing these days.

When I arrived home, the house was silent. The two little girls were lying back to back, sleeping peacefully.

I went into my bedroom and found Bella asleep on my bed, my photo albums scattered over the bed as well. Her face was streaked with tears and I guess she had concluded there was more to Vic and I than there had been, or maybe she was just sad that she hadn't had a partner when Lucy was born. I was sure she wasn't crying over me, personally. Maybe just wishing we had at least shared the pregnancy and birth before splitting up.

I know she will never want me again and have to be sure I never want her again because that would be a pointless exercise in futility.

I covered her with a blanket and turned out the light. She smelled Heavenly, as always.

We hadn't actually discussed where we would be sleeping tonight but I didn't want to wake her and Lucy and take them home. There was always the couch. It was too short and it made my legs cramp but it was a better option than the bathtub.


	5. Chapter 5

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 5

True to his word, Edward had talked to Carlisle and Tori had been given a place at childcare but until a new childcare worker could be appointed to join the staff already hired, the compromise was that a parent had to help out each day. Someone had immediately volunteered to help today, the first day in operation. I was glad whoever she was got in first, so Tori would not have an anxious hovering Edward to deal with yet.

I wasn't sure how this would work, for many of us taking a day off was not possible and I hadn't even started yet. Arriving at work for my first time and announcing I would soon need a day off would be tricky.

We went together and kissed the girls goodbye as Lauren took their hands and backpacks and Edward did as I had advised him to, walking away quickly and not looking back. I felt if Tori saw he was happy and confident with the arrangement, then she could be as well. We waved from the car and drove off immediately. Lucy was chatting to Lauren, explaining voluntary twinning, and sharing a Dad.

Tori was nodding in agreement. Lucy was clearly the spokesperson of the duo and Tori just the back up. I hoped in time they would take on some of each others traits and Tori would learn what she had to say was just as important as her twin's endless commentary on life.

"Okay, Edward, breathe," I advised. He was pale and a little shaky. He'd even let me drive his Volvo.

"She's never been minded by anyone else," he said for the tenth time.

"She will be fine and she has her own personal body guard. You can't think Lucy would let anything happen to her. She'll be ordering Jessica and Lauren about and informing them on the best way to run the place, you realise."

"Should I call and check on her?" he asked, pulling out his cell.

"After lunch. Promise me you will wait until nap time. There will be many anxious parents today, if they all call the staff will be answering phones instead of minding children. Now go do something real this morning. I've told Charlie you will be around to collect all our boxes and you could unpack Lucy's belongings and hang her clothes in her closet and put her toys and stuff away. And she needs a bed of her own. Go choose one. Just keep in mind it has to be indestructible and you can't go far wrong."

"Sure. I should do that," he murmured, holding the phone in his hand still and glancing at it as if willing Jess to ring him.

I parked at my designated parking spot and got out. The building that housed Forks News, Always Current and Accurate, was an old wooden building but I didn't judge a book by it's cover. I handed Edward his keys.

"Um, break a leg? Or can I say the Good Luck bit?" he asked.

"Whatever. Now go, be useful. You have to start work yourself next week, so try and think of everything you need to get accomplished before that happens. Write a list."

"Can I come and have lunch with you?" he pleaded.

I sighed. I was rather hoping there might be some dishy reporters or other staff that would be dazzled by my good looks and charm and want to take me out. "Call me, if I have no better offers, you can come fret at my side but you have to buy the food."

He shifted to the driver's seat and put on his seatbelt. "Thanks Bella. I've just never left her in the hands of strangers before."

"Go, Edward. And remember, you will annoy the shit out of Jess if you call. You don't want to be 'that' parent, the one everyone talks about in pitying tones and avoids. Go do your thing and I'll see you for lunch at noon, but call first..." I trailed off as a gorgeous tall blond guy parked beside us and smiled at me.

Okay, I think I can utter a 'wow' under my breath. I felt myself stand taller, and straighter and jut the boobs out to their maximum jutting space. I smiled and turned and waved absent mindedly at Edward.

"Hi there. Would I be right in guessing you are our new Editor, Isabella Swan?" he said, offering a rather nice hand for me to shake. "Riley Biers. Editor-in-Chief. Call me Riley."

I'd call him Master if he wanted.

"Just Bella. I mean, everyone calls me Bella," I stuttered. Oooh, I so hope Edward forgets to call about lunch. "So, you are my Boss. Or is your wife the only one allowed to call you that?"

Fuck me, I am so out of practice. I sounded like an imbecile. So subtle.

"No wife," he grinned, holding up his very naked left hand. I wondered if the rest of him looked that good naked. Because his naked hand was very appealing. He held out the hand I managed to remember to let go of, and offered it through the car window to Edward.

"And are you Mr Swan?" he asked, just as subtly.

"Edward Cullen. Bella's...flatmate," Edward growled.

"I barely know him," I said, shocking even myself and causing Edward to redden. "I mean, I used to know him but we just met up again and we share a house. I have my own bedroom."

Fuck me. At least Riley was smiling, amused at my terrible flirting skills. "I'm sure it's a lovely bedroom," he replied.

At least I didn't invite him to come see for himself. I mean, it doesn't even have a bed as yet.

I swung to face Edward. "Do me a favor today? While you are buying Lucy's bed, get one for me too. Something large with a metal frame. You know, one you could ...um...attach things to. Bedlight, that sort of thing." Phew, I didn't spew out what I was really thinking. Somewhere for handcuffs.

I think it's because I grew up with a cop for a father. I suddenly have this affinity for handcuffs. Not even necessarily the fluffy pink type, either.

"Shall we.." he asked, ushering me towards the front door.

"I think we should," I replied. "We really should."

Riley unlocked the door and held it open for me to walk through. I think my ass did that wiggly thing, but truly, it did it all by itself, I didn't tell it to. I glanced over my shoulder and noted with delight Riley seemed to have liked that. He tore his eyes back to my face and sat on a desk.

"This will be your workstation. That's my office, feel free to pop in any time. I should give you a quick tour. Make sure you know where everything is."

Believe me, I may have been sidelined out of the game for a few years but I believe I still know where everything necessary is located.

"Break room, coffee machine, fridge. Did you plan on eating lunch here or could I tempt you to try our favorite lunch haunt? Well, my favorite haunt really. The others eat here."

" I should get to know the neighborhood," I agreed. "There could be some emergency story to write, whatever. I bet amazing things happen in restaurants," I babbled.

"That could be true," he agreed. "Shall we say one o'clock? I have a few places I need to go this morning but I could pick you up out the front?"

I nodded. One sounded good. If I had to babysit Edward first, I would make sure I was back in plenty of time. "I think I'm going to like working here," I said and he narrowed his eyes and looked me over, from top to toe and smiled.

"I think we are all going to enjoy this."

Riley introduced me to my fellow workers as they arrived and somehow I ended up with a group of friendly men standing all around my desk. Alec, in advertising; Marcus, sports editor; Seth, reporter; Aro, foreign affairs and James, war correspondent. Oh, and Jane, I can't quite recall what she did. Receptionist I think.

She was rather small and intense and didn't like me one bit which is always encouraging. I mean, you never want the only female in the office assessing you as no competition and becoming your bff out of pity. Much better that she stared at you with eyes filled with dislike. I could almost feel her boring holes into my head as I let Riley show me what my duties would be. So difficult, you'd think those four years at college would help but I seemed to need him to explain everything in detail.

I managed to control my tongue and not blather on about what a big, strong man he was and how little helpless me was soooo grateful. I swear Renee would tear me limb from limb if she could see the simpering helpless female I was channelling. I guess Lucy's preference for old movies was coming in handy.

Finally he left, apologising for 'tossing me in at the deep end' on my first day.

As soon as the door closed behind him, I switched to professional working mode and got on with my job. I visited each worker in turn and was surprised that such a small publication was staffed with such qualified staff. By noon, we had the layout complete and were ready to roll. Even Jane stopped staring at me with her death rays as I organised the final changes and gave everyone the thumbs up. They moved on to starting on the next edition's copy and I felt satisfied I'd done my job well.

Edward called just as I heard my stomach warn me it needed food, so I quickly answered and agreed to grab a bite with him. No need to show Riley on our first lunch date how much food I could consume in a single sitting. It could scare him off. Most men are used to salad nibbling females these days, who sipped on water and moved the lettuce leaves around on their plates.

"Steak, medium rare. Jacket potato, with cottage cheese, bacon and chives. Oh, you have deviled eggs. Two of those as well, thanks."

Edward looked amused, instantly reminded of my appetite I guess. Emmett and I may have challenged one another to eating contests in the past and let's just say, the grizzly bear didn't always win. I may be small but I can consume my bodyweight three times a day, Edward used to boast.

I kept an eye on the clock as I hoovered down my meal and half listened to him tell me about how much he missed Tori and how he hoped she was coping okay.

"I'm sure she is coping better than you are," I answered distractedly and I excused myself to check the war paint and re-apply my lipstick, eaten off with my meal.

As I sat down again, Edward took my hand in his own.

"He seems nice. Riley. I'm sure you know what you are doing. Any time you need me to stay with the girls so you can date, just say so."

I nodded and flicked back my hair, forgetting the effect it always had on him. Edward swallowed thickly and turned away, looking towards the door at new arrivals. I finally smelt my own aroma and he was right, it was pretty intoxicating. Sort of vanilla and strawberries and something sharper. I did smell good.

"I should get back, I have a lunch date at one," I informed him and he pushed away his half eaten burger.

"You can fit in another meal?" he mused.

"Sure. I'll order something ladylike now I've taken the edge off my appetite."

"We do need to talk about guidelines. I would prefer you didn't bring men home until you have gotten to know them. A parade of different guys will only confuse the girls, so maybe just introduce anyone who proves to be special. Okay? And I think we need to keep sleepovers out of the family home. You can always say you are working late, and get home before the girls get up of a morning."

"Sure, sounds reasonable. Same applies to you. We need to keep this fair. Should we divide up the week into nights you can date, and nights I can, so we always know when we arrange something, that it is on 'our' night?"

"Nope," he replied, shaking his head. "I don't date. You can go out any night you like though maybe we could reserve one night each week for family dinnertime."

"Edward, I am not planning on painting the town red here. I was thinking more of going out Friday and maybe some Saturday nights, but no more than that. And there will not be any 'sleepovers' for quite a while. I don't even know if all parts still function, if you get my drift. I mean, I did ask the doctor to extend the episiotomy stitches to close everything."

He looked surprised to hear I had not done any test drives yet but my life had been so busy, with school and part time jobs and studying, not to mention the little matter of my responsibilities of being a mother.

And, in truth, it had taken my heart a long time to mend. I'm not sure it has ever truly mended, in the respect it will never be what it was before. Like a plate, you drop it and break it, then you can stick the edges back together but the scar and weakness will always be there.

Anyone who ever once lived cherished in your heart will leave his footprints behind, the trick is to know that's all they are. Indentations on your soul of feelings once felt, love once shared.

They are not set in concrete and in time, the wind and rain will gently erode them away, and just leave the faint indistinct memory behind.

I stood up hastily and walked out, leaving Edward to settle the bill. I had something in my eye, both eyes, and my fingers wiped whatever it was away before he got outside.

I know I should be happy he isn't dating but is still hoping he and Victoria can make something of their mess, maybe slavage enough to both be there for Tori, but I am worried it may be only one way. He already admitted she has other lovers and has no intention of moving here, so the thought of watching him pine over her cuts a little. He never pined over me. He never came back to try and make anything from our ashes.

Nope, straight off to find another plaything. One toy broke so he replaced it. I guess it is true. Men replace and women grieve.

X~x~X

EPOV

Choosing a bed for Lucy was easy, choosing one for Bella was a lot harder. I assessed the durability of the children's beds and decided a plain white metal framed structure was both pretty and practical, and my eye was caught by a purple bedspread and bed linen set. Lucy looked like a girl who would like purple. I had no real hope that Bella would live in my house for long but they would both need bedrooms of their own when they did visit in the future. I hoped Bella meant it when she said she would always let me see my daughter whenever I wanted to. It would not be ideal, Lucy having two bedrooms in two homes but I guess that happens to many kids these days.

Then the saleswoman led me to adult beds and I tried to assess them the same way. Pretty and practical.

My eyes were drawn to a bed with solid wooden bed ends. It was rather like the type of bed you would imagine the three bears had in Goldilocks. The bedhead was curved with newel posts each side, and the wood was over an inch thick. It was very solid and substantial and would last a lifetime. The bedend was just a shorter version, and I thought it might appeal to Bella.

They had it in dark cherry or a soft golden color, and I was unsure of her color scheme. The dark cherry was more adult and almost sexy, the yellow more childish, to my mind. I would definitely be more drawn to the darker wood if she were mine and I was visiting her bed.

It would look amazing with black linen with a touch of plum maybe. I wandered around and there it was, the perfect bedlinen. Plain black sheets, and a bedcover in the darkest swirls of deep ripe plum and jet black. It conjured up images of Bella in black lace lingerie and I was already mentally decorating her room with a slew of scented candles in blacks and deep shades of all versions of red.

They even had co-ordinating drapes in the plum. And then I saw the lampshades. Black lace, with opaque black gemstone trim.

Her walls were painted a neutral dusty pink, not a child's pink at all, and this whole set up would look amazing. Dimmed lights, moonlight peeping through the gap in the curtains, beautiful woman lying across the bed, waiting for her lover.

But she was not bringing anyone home.

Not yet, but one day one of her relationships would solidify and become real and then I would have the image of some lucky bastard in that room, in this bed, inside Bella.

That didn't disturb me as much as the image of her just being in somebody else's arms, allowing his kisses, letting him touch her soft skin.

"Have you decided which bed and linen?" the woman asked.

"Maybe the blond wood and some nice white linen," I muttered. "All white. All snowy white and virginal."

X~x~X

Charlie opened his front door and stood back, scratching his head.

"Edward."

"Charlie," I replied."I'm here for Bella and Lucy's things."

"Bella did inform me you would be around. I have checked, I do know there is nowhere else for her to live at the moment but the very instant something, anything, becomes available, I will be informing her of the vacancy."

"Great. She needs options. I am aware she would prefer her own place I am merely giving her somewhere to stay until she decides what she wants to do."

"She could just stay here with us. I didn't ask her to leave."

"I guess she feels it's time to give you and Renee some space. I don't really know, Charlie. Bella will always do whatever suits her best. She wanted somewhere to live, I have plenty of rooms to spare, that's all."

"See that it stays that way. You destroyed her once. We don't give second chances."

"Understood. I have no intention of doing anything but whatever Bella chooses to ask me to do. I would like to get to know Lucy of course. I hope they stay close by when she does find a place for them both."

"I can understand that you would have some curiosity about the child you abandoned."

"I didn't know she existed. I had no idea I had abandoned anyone. Okay, I was in the wrong but if your girlfriend refused to speak to you for six weeks so you flew across the country to find out what was wrong, as soon as you could afford to...don't forget I was only earning peanuts at the time and had to save up for airfares...and then she hardly acknowledged you existed while you were there, and she stated more than once that this was not working for her...then you left and didn't get a single answer to your calls and texts for yet another six weeks..? Call me stupid by all means but Bella and I were together for one night in that three months and she barely spoke to me. Okay I read it wrong but I'm sure other men would have as well. I couldn't read her mind. I didn't know that sort of indifference and disinterest meant she thought we were still a couple."

Charlie sighed. "Come inside and have a coffee, my boy. The Swan women are a difficult race. Renee was exactly the same. I was branded a cheater once. To be honest, had she not told me she was expecting Bella, I don't think we would have even gotten married."

Charlie poured out mugs of steaming brew and sat opposite me at his kitchen table.

"We dated in High School. Our story is much the same as yours and Bella's. We had parents against us, no money, no place to call our own. Her father was waiting, hovering around, and the minute High School was done he took a transfer with his job and moved house and took Renee with them.

We could only speak on the house phones, so you can imagine what that was like. Both sets of parents sitting in the room while we tried to convey our deepest feelings and hopes and dreams with them sitting there, glaring. Making it clear we were dreaming. Renee's father came back and tried to buy me off. Offered me a car and a years tuition fees at college. He knew college was out of the reach of my parents. All I had to do was break up with her properly and I would own a shiny new car and at least have a stab at a college education.

That might not sound much to a man like you who has always lived in a big house and had a free ride to college, and owns more than one car, but for me? I didn't even own an old clunker. My part time job after school was working in the orchard, picking fruit and that money went straight into the household expenses jar. It was just the way it was back then. Kids helped support the family.

So I literally owned nothing but the shirt on my back. And the rest of my clothes, of course. Not even a suit. I had nothing to offer any girl let alone the only one who meant anything to me. So, I refused his kind offer and he had his phone disconnected and removed from the house.

I sent letters. Later I found out he intercepted them.

I got a place at the police academy and it included room and board so all I had to scrape together was the fare. I moved even further away, and in time, I dated another girl. Then one night there's a knock at the door of my lodgings and there's Renee, six months pregnant. Horrified to see another girl in my bed, but how could I have anticipated she would turn up out of the blue after six months of silence?"

"You tried to keep in contact," I replied, ashamed that I had given up so easily in this modern world where communication was so much easier. It had ever occurred to me to sit down and write all my thoughts and feelings down and send them to Bella. How different if I had done that and she had replied, and asked for a little more time. I would have agreed, readily. All I ever wanted from her was some small indication of hope, and she had never showed me she still cared. Not in any way.

Even that last time in bed, it was so far removed from how it had been in High School...back then we were so connected, so sure of how we felt, of how the other felt. I guess neither of us had ever been big on words, but when you are always together, there's a thousand ways to show you care.

Washing her incredible long hair for her, brushing it dry in the sun. Doing her homework the first day of her period when she was lying in bed curled up dozing from the effects of the pain killers that eased the cramps, bringing her tea and an electric heating pad. Just holding her and keeping her warm with my own body heat.

Helping her learn her lines for the drama productions that she always took the leading female role in and auditioning myself, securing a minor role just so I could go to rehearsals with her. Taking her to our place, the meadow, on the land Carlisle gave me the day I was born. Picking wildflowers and threading them into her hair.

I guess it's pretty sad that the best two years of my life were when I was seventeen and eighteen years old, but I had been lucky to have them.

Now I had Tori and hopefully in time, Lucy will come to treat me the same way as her sister does, and maybe she will forgive me, even if her mother can't.

To be honest, it will be a very long time before I even explore the possibility of finding another woman to share my life. At the moment, my life is full and I have a daughter to get to know and I want to always be whatever Bella needs me to be. I want her to know she can leave Lucy at my place and know I will care for her as well as I care for Tori.

Charlie helped me carry the boxes to my car then loaded his truck with bits of furniture and the rest of his daughter and granddaughter's belongings and followed me home.

He agreed we had selected the perfect bedroom for Lucy and he stacked her cartons on the floor near the window when I told him her bed would arrive shortly.

I left it to him to take Bella's boxes into her bedroom, I was not about to act like I was assuming I could enter that room uninvited, whether she was here or not. I didn't mind her using my room or touching my belongings but she would probably prefer I didn't go through hers.

"Ha!" Charlie said, coming downstairs with a small photo album and sitting at our kitchen table. "Have a look at these, Edward. Lucy was quite the most amazing baby ever born. It was like Bella was reborn only there's never been much of her in Lucy's looks. But boy, she has her mother's lungs and temper."

He opened the book and I leaned over him and he did the commentary.

"First photo, taken by a nurse. Bella had one of those disposable cameras. You will notice how the shots suddenly get worse. That was when Renee took over, she has never been able to frame a pose correctly. Always leaves off the person's head or just gets half of them."

"Why isn't she in the photos if the nurse took the first few?"

"Hmm, she missed the birth. Got there soon after, but yeah. Bella was alone."

He held my gaze and I'm sure we both had the same pain and regret in our eyes.

"Bella was alone," I stated back.

"Yeah. It was sad and very hard for her and she did hold some resentment towards Renee for a while, though she fought it. I don't think she knew she could do it alone but it made her stronger," he nodded. "Let her know she was as amazing as we had always known she was."

"She should never had to go through that by herself," I stated. I wasn't mad at Renee, it wasn't her job. It wasn't her fault she had to work and didn't know her daughter was in labor.

"It was quick, Bella said. She went for a check up because she was a little ill, tummy troubles, and the doctor examined her and told her she was fully dilated. Rushed her into Delivery, but Lucy was twisted or something, had to move into a better position. They called Renee's phone, they called me when they got no answer.

I went straight to Seattle but of course, it was long over by the time I arrived. I won't lie to you, Edward. It changed Bella. It may have made her stronger but it also convinced her she could never count on anyone else again. That she has to face things alone. I know she has gotten her act together and done an amazing job with Lucy but if she ever lets another man inside her heart...well, I'll be very surprised."

"She has a date. Her Boss invited her out for lunch today."

Charlie laughed. "I hope he took her some place with a proper menu and not some popular upper class restaurant that does the one tiny mouthful of overpriced tofu on a plate with a drizzle of sauce and a mint leaf to garnish, because that girl can eat more than I can."

"I already fed her, it was her second lunch," I explained. "She had already eaten a steak, potato, devilled eggs.."

"Phew. So she would have settled for just the two courses with him. There is hope he will take her out again then."

We both laughed. Bella's appetite had always been a shock to everyone who looked at her tiny frame and expected her to order the side salad. She did, so long as she got an entire roasted beast to accompany it.

I took the book from Charlie and sat down, turning the pages as I saw the few photos Bella owned of our daughter. Lucy was always the image of Tori, so it was weird looking at the different life she had led.

Where Tori had everything and was never wearing the same outfit twice, Lucy owned two dresses and a few onesies, and often her clothes looked like they'd been washed too often and made to last too long. Rather like Bella's own clothes. I was glad she had an income now and I would pay for whatever she would allow me, but that was always a battle with her.

Charlie excused himself to answer his cell phone as I looked at the photos from the start again.

"No, I'm afraid I don't have that sort of money to spare or of course I would have paid them long ago," he said, raising his eyebrows at me. "No, Bella, you know Renee hasn't gotten a new job yet since you two got back. She's at an interview now, for the library in fact."

After he hug up, he stood with his hands on his hips and stared at me until I felt I had to move. I stood and handed him the album.

"Thanks for showing me those," I said.

"Yeah. Thanks for paying her student loans," he replied.

"You must have me mixed up with her grandfather," I answered.

"Of course," he said, smiling.


	6. Chapter 6

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter Six

BPOV

Lunch had been an eye opener. How could Riley look so hot and yet be so boring? Mind you, I think I could answer a million questions about him if asked. It's a pity Mastermind did not have a category all about Riley Biers because I would ace that shit. His mother didn't let anyone cut his hair until he was three, so most people thought he was a girl. He never liked the color blue. He played football from age five but his amazing talent had gone unnoticed because his Coach was blind. I even knew he preferred Corn Puffs with warm milk until he was seven, then he moved on to Captain Crunch with cold milk. Riveting stuff.

At least he hadn't made me talk about myself or asked me where Lucy came from or anything at all about Edward. I was still trying to work out how to explain in thirty words or less without letting any emotions enter the answer for when people inevitably started asking.

"Oh, she is the other daughter Edward fathered in his days of sowing his wild oats."

At least Riley had been really impressed about how I had gotten everyone to work so well together to get the newspaper out. I like efficiency in others and demand it of myself.

Edward pulled up as I waved goodbye and walked out the door, my first day a complete success work wise, a total bust romance wise. And now I had to avoid further dates with my Boss. Thank God it had been lunch, with none of that awkward 'will he kiss me?' stuff at the end like a proper date had. Great start.

Edward was clearly champing at the bit to get to Tori and Lucy but he did ask me how my day went.

"I love my job, and everyone was very welcoming," I replied as he pulled away from the gutter. "I think I can handle it."

"I knew you would. And, how was the lunch date or isn't that up for discussion?"

"I wonder if they sell men on ebay because I really need a nice long description of what I am buying before I go out with anyone else. Ask me anything about Riley. I bet I can answer."

Edward laughed and relaxed a little.

"When did he get his first tooth?"

"When he was four months old. A little earlier than the average. But nothing about Riley is merely average. Just ask him."

"Who was his first grade teacher?"

"He has blocked her name from his mind from the trauma of having to go to school and leave his Momma."

"God, you don't think Tori is traumatised, do you?"

Great, just when the distraction was working so well.

The girls were deeply engrossed in a story Jessica was reading them when we arrived and although they ran to us for kisses, both wanted to stay and hear the end of the tale. Edward was speechless and sat down on a mini chair to wait.

"She seems okay. I expected tears and wailing."

"Maybe she finds the company of three year olds more to her taste," I said flippantly.

"Most people do," he replied.

"Oh Edward, lighten up. You put her in here to learn to be independent and socialise."

The girls finally collected their belongings and we went to the car and strapped them in.

I knew Lucy would start with the news of the day and sure enough, she did.

"Jessica has a kitten and she is going to bring it in tomorrow to show us."

"Great," I replied. Lucy already nagged non stop for a pet, this would not help.

"It's grey and is named Tinkerbelle," Tori added and Edward caught my eye and smiled. I grinned back. Tori had found her voice.

"We played in the sand box and a boy poured water in it and got into trouble, but it was cool, we got to make mud pies," Lucy informed us. She may have paid him to do that, who knew?

"I got wet sand in my hair and Lauren brushed it," Tori stated.

The whole trip home they took turns telling us about their day and it seemed childcare does have it's place in our lives now. They even voiced their eagerness to go tomorrow to see the cat and to finish the masterpiece they were making by gluing bits of colored paper on a big piece of cardboard to hang on the wall of their classroom.

"It's underwater world. I cut out a fish," said Lucy.

"I cut out a shell," Tori added.

"I tried to cut out a shark but Jess said that would be too scary for the little ones." That's my Lucy.

"Not to mention the fish," Edward added.

While he emptied their bags and repacked them for tomorrow, he told Tori to take Lucy up to her bedroom to see what he had done today. I followed and stood back, looking at her newly completed room. Purple bedspread, and pillows on a white bed. Matching purple curtains. Her closet was full of clothes that had not come from our packing but I bit my tongue. She is his daughter too and I had envied Tori's clothing supply so I could hardly object to him buying his other daughter an equal amount of outfits. He probably wanted her dressed better anyway, now everyone knew whose kid she was.

Tori was intrigued by the more unusual supply of toys Lucy owned so I left them to it and wandered down the hallway to my own bedroom, and peeked inside.

My God. The room was amazing. I walked to the bed and touched the cherry wood of the bed ends with my fingers, running them over the wood. I almost expected it to feel warm, it was such a deep color.

The bedding was beautiful. A much higher thread count that any bed linen Bella Swan had ever bought before. The sheets looked plain black but were black printed with black paisley shapes. The continental quilt cover was the most amazing mix of black and plummy reds and the scatter cushions were all black but different textures of fabric, from fun fur to a knobbly wool effect. One looked like a black rose in full bloom, its petals made of silk.

There were side tables either side and they held the loveliest table lamps I had ever seen. Black lace. I turned one on and it threw a faint reflection of patterns from the lace onto the ceiling.

My boxes were stacked in the closet, still packed, and I walked over to shut the drapes and see the light in the dark.

Edward was standing at the door, like some vampire unable to enter until invited in.

I walked to him and cupped his face in my hands and kissed him. I didn't think it through or rationalise or caution myself, I just did it.

"Thank you, so much. It's breathtaking," I said. He stood very still and hesitated to touch me, just finally raising his hands to lightly touch my hips.

"It was my pleasure. I'm glad you like it. Your father helped me put the bed together and to decorate Lucy's room."

"What? Show me the bullet holes. He always said the next time he lay eyes on you, he was going to shoot you."

"Actually, we had a good time. He did chew me out a little now and then, but I think he understands. He is no better at reading women's minds than I am."

I smirked a little. "Edward, okay, I do get it. My treatment of us may have led you to believe we were done. I can see that now. I'm a female, we never think anything's done until someone says it is. Specifically. I know my moaning about not wanting to go on the way we were possibly sounded like 'we are done' to you. I get that now. To me, I was saying 'we need to change something'. But I concede I was as neglectful of our relationship as you were. We both sucked. I was a poor girlfriend to you. You could have done so much better."

"I never wanted anyone but you," he replied, stepping in closer."I mean, yes, I missed you and I thought we were done and I did want sex and I did think as we were done, I could go find someone to scratch that itch. But please believe me when I say there was so little between Victoria and I that we would have been over before we began had she not been pregnant. I had already moved on from her, for maybe two months or so when she found out. I wasn't sleeping with women, but I was dating, and um, doing things with them, until she came and told me."

I stepped back and kissed him again, just softly. I know he was shocked but what the hell?

"Edward, it actually impresses me that you stepped up and were there for her and Tori. Of course I wish it had been Lucy and me instead and I wish you had known and I would do it all so differently if I could but it's done and in my 'no regrets' folder."

"You are allowed to have regrets. Most people do. We all make mistakes. It doesn't mean you can't learn from them and move on, but it's okay to be sorry things didn't go the way you wanted them to. It doesn't make you weak, just human."

"I can't be weak, Edward. I have to be strong and be there for Lucy."

"I want to help. I want to be there for Lucy too, and I want to be there for you. Can we be friends, is that possible? Can you ever think of me as a friend and not just as the louse who wrecked our lives?"

"I don't know. I loved you so much, even if I didn't show it by the end. I cried a river of tears over you and I had to build walls or it would have destroyed me. I even think part of the reason I kept Lucy and didn't terminate was to prevent myself from doing anything reckless. I lived for her. I wanted to die, I admit that. But she gave me a reason to want to live. I can't ever risk feeling that way again."

"All life is a risk. But a life without hope or love is a pretty empty life, Bella. You will meet someone one day who makes you admit the risk is worth it."

"Do you think so?"

"I do. I really do. Once it becomes clear you are back on the market, you will have all the boys from High School knocking at your door. Let's see, Mike, he will be first. Then Tyler and Eric and that tall clueless one off the football team."

"Oh God no, spare me that."

"Well, you could go out with Riley again," he smirked.

"Yeah, I think we only got up to Riley Biers, the Elementary School Years. There's so much more to go."

"You used to ask me a million questions about my childhood," he reminded me.

"I just wanted to know every single thing about you and about your life before we met. But there's the difference. I wanted to know, I asked. You didn't sit me down and talk non stop about yourself the first time we were alone together. Actually, you didn't say a whole lot at all."

"I was terrified. I couldn't believe you were willing to even talk to me. The most beautiful girl in the school, sitting there beside me. I was afraid to speak up in case I said the wrong thing. Seventeen year old boys tend to fuck things up badly. Not that I improved as I aged."

"Edward, you atoned for your sins with Victoria. You are amazing with Tori and one day, I hope you and Lucy are that close. Maybe we will stick around in this house after all. You will get to know her better and quicker if you are both in the same house."

"You'll stay?" he said excitedly.

"I don't think I could bear to leave this bedroom behind and go live in some grotty apartment now. I like this house, and I like my flatmates."

Edward was watching my eyes closely and he held out his arms, inviting me in. I shrugged and stepped closer and he embraced me and I felt him kiss the top of my hair with a feathersoft kiss.

"Is this a special cuddle? Are you going to have a baby?" Lucy asked from her vantage point at the doorway.

"Yay. We won't ask for a kitten now," Tori said.

I looked up at Edward and grinned.

"There you go. You explain about normal cuddles versus special ones. Hasn't Tori seen you hug anyone else apart from her Mom?"

"Daddy doesn't hug Mom," Tori replied. "Mommy hugs lots of men. Is she going to have babies, Daddy?"

"I think we can safely assume your Mom will not have babies for quite some time, sweetheart. And Bella is not having a baby, we were hugging because we are friends. You can hug your friends in a different way to the baby making way, you know."

"But what if you get them mixed up and do the baby making cuddle by mistake?" Lucy asked, always having to go that extra mile.

"I guess you just have to always be really careful and keep special cuddles only for really special people. Or else they will cost you dearly. Come on, who wants fairy cakes? Auntie Rose was here earlier and she left you some treats."

Edward took the girls downstairs and I wondered if I would ever find anyone else I wanted to share a special cuddle with.

X~x~X

EPOV

When the furniture arrived, Charlie helped me assemble both the beds and Rose arrived with containers full of cakes and cookies and she volunteered to wash the linen and make up the beds.

Once we were done, we looked over our work and decided Lucy's bed and bedding were perfect and we unpacked her clothes and toys and books. So many books. I took a small bookcase from my study and stacked her books onto it.

Then we stood back as Rose threw the snowy white continental quilt onto Bella's honey colored bed.

"Hmm," said Charlie, frowning. "I'm not sure this bed is 'Bella' if you know what I mean."

"It says 'stay away, I'm a fifteen year old virgin'," Rose laughed.

"I think it's fine. It's a nice bed," I defended my choice.

We all stood there for a few minutes and Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"She won't be happy. You do know that? She will ask you if you got her some Disney Princess pajamas and a teddy bear to hug in her bed."

"She'll tell you to stick this bed where the sun don't shine," Rose corrected.

I sighed and pulled out my phone and asked for the saleslady who had seen the other choices.

"Come on, Edward. Let's dismantle this bed and take it over to my house and put it up in the guest room for when Lucy sleeps over."

"Fine. Hand me the spanner, please."

Rose had Emmett's truck so they took the bed to the Swan house and I stayed home to await the new delivery and put Bella's new bed up alone. They were right, she was never going to be overjoyed to sleep in a bed so similar to her own childhood bed. This bed, she would love.

She had always appreciated beautiful things and the room came together as I brought the black linen up from the dryer and made everything pretty.

I didn't actually think I had earned a kiss but apparently I had so I took it gratefully, and the second one as well. There was thanks but no passion in her lips but Hell, it was Bella and my skin tingled at her touch. She even allowed a hug, and after the girls caught that and made us part, I took them down to the kitchen and fed them, then stripped off and dived into the icy water of the pool.

I have managed to keep my libido on hold for long time now, finding that if I keep myself tired out and busy, I can sleep despite the desire to have sex again. And I had done a good job, only relieving my urges myself when my daughter was safely and soundly asleep.

Now from two sweet kisses and a hug given in friendship, my mind was filled with images and my body flooded with longing and feelings long hidden and suppressed.

The water cooled my passion but my brain refused to dismiss the scenes of Bella as a teenage girl, so ripe for the plucking as she had been. I know everyone assumes it's always the boy that pushes for sex to begin but with us, she was the one with the wandering hands and the stronger desires and she was so determined to make love once we were a 'proper couple'. Back then, that meant dating exclusively for six months.

I swear she worked out the exact date on the calendar that our six months was reached and luckily for us, it was a night Charlie was on shift and our mothers were at the meeting for Friends of the Trees or some other cause they both supported.

We had an empty house and I remember eating dinner with Emmett and Jasper and going on and on about 'all my homework and assignments' and how I would be 'lucky to stick my head outside my bedroom door again all night'.

Then I dragged my feet up the stairs to the third floor where I alone slept, and locked my door.

It took me seconds to shower, pull on something nice and easy to remove and I was out my window and down the tree in a flash. I didn't even have my licence yet but I had my bike and I rode to the Swan's house and hid the bike out the back, in the forest that butted up against their backyard.

Bella was waiting, naked in her bedroom so I guess the sight of her body with no clothes at all was all I needed to be spurred on to climb her tree even faster.

She had me stripped bare naked as soon as my feet hit her bedroom floor and pulled me into her bed for the most amazing night of my life. What I failed to realise, was that the connection we had felt making love was not an automatic part of sex and when I had been with Vic, that had been sadly lacking. It really dawned on me finally, this was what everyone said. There were indeed two versions of sex.

Making love and merely getting your rocks off.

Neither were to be sneezed at but the former was so much better than the latter and after a month of sleeping with Victoria, I was done. If I couldn't have it all then I didn't want any of it at all.

The 'almost sex' with other girls was better in the respect it was just them scratching my itches and none had ever demanded anything back, apart from touching.

Yes, it is amazing that so many girls will give oral sex and not expect it to be returned. Amazing but also convenient for men.

To this day I had never done oral sex on anyone, and probably never will. The logistics alone have kept me from ever trying and it seems kind of too up close and personal. Yet yes, I have allowed girls to do that to me and remained quite removed from them. It has never made me feel anything but relieved and grateful and was worth how ever many drinks I bought them before and after they offered to do it.

Bella had done that to me first and it's kind of easy to close your eyes and picture the girl of your choice down there rather than the one who is really obliging you.

Then one day it hits you that this is really not an acceptable hobby and is purely selfish and I guess you grow up a little and want more. Want something real, especially if you have had a real relationship before.

A lot of people wait these days before settling down. It's not impossible that there will still be women who want to settle down and marry by the time I am ready to do so, once Tori leaves home and heads to college.

I don't want to inflict a series of 'aunts' on her and most days I am sure I can bide my time and wait. Today is not one of them.

Bella looked out the door and frowned as I swam quickly up and down the pool, counting the laps in my head. When I stopped and went inside, she frowned and offered me coffee.

"Isn't it a little too cold for that?" she asked. "Did you have to break the ice first?"

"It's not so cold," I lied and at least my body was numb and unable to react like my mind was encouraging it to do. I grabbed the coffee cup and Bella put her hand on my arm.

"You are frozen What the Hell were you thinking? Do you want to freeze to death and leave your daughters fatherless?" she growled.

"Believe me, it was necessary, okay? You do not have any idea how necessary. Now drop it."

I took a luke warm shower that felt almost hot after the icy pool and dressed again. My toes were blue as were my lips and my fingers were stiff and cold and had no blood in them at all. I pulled my acoustic guitar out from under my bed and sat there playing it until I had feeling back in my extremities. When I finished, the sound of Bella and the girls clapping made me smile.

"More, Daddy," Tori called so I went downstairs and sat with them in the sitting room and played until their bathtime. Bella did the baths and dressed the girls for bed and I ate the dinner that had been kept warm for me in the oven and watched tv downstairs.

I did the story again and Tori climbed onto my knee and Lucy hung back, unsure if she could do the same.

"You can sit on this side if you want to," I said and she clambered over and I juggled two kids and a book and snuck in an extra story before Bella called an end and tucked them into their own beds.

I kissed Tori goodnight and went to Lucy's room.

"Please come in. Wipe your feet," she said in Renee's voice then giggled and I kissed her as well and asked her how she liked her new bedroom.

"It's cool. Thank you very much for buying it for me."

"You can always ask me for anything you want now you know I am your dad," I stated. Then I added "Anything reasonable."

"Would a tiger be reasonable?" she asked.

"Good night Lucy."

"Good night Desi," she replied as I turned out the light.

I hadn't thought to ask if Bella wanted a television in her bedroom. Maybe she didn't plan to have as many long lonely nights as I did.

Carlisle and Esme called and asked for us to visit the next afternoon so we agreed to have dinner with them at their house. Mom was anxious to meet Lucy of course and also wanted time with Tori. She barely knew either girl really so it would be great to see their relationships change and grow.

So it began. The new pattern to our lives.


	7. Chapter 7

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 7

BPOV

Walking back into the Cullen house was an emotional moment but Esme had her arms out to greet me and Carlisle looked both ashamed and guilty. That confused me until his wife released me from her arms and he hugged me himself.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. So very sorry. I understand if you never forgive us all for keeping you two apart but we honestly thought it was for the best. You two were so intense and you were kids. But please, place the blame where it belongs; on my shoulders. I was the instigator in insisting Edward had to attend NYU, I could have easily arranged a scholarship for you and I didn't. I wanted to prove your love would falter but believe me, I take no joy in being right. And you and your daughter have been the ones who paid the price."

"It's okay, Carlisle. We didn't handle being separated well at all, so I guess you were right."

"I don't think I was. I should have at least made it possible financially for Edward fly to see you as often as he wanted to and not made you feel so abandoned and alone. I hurt you and I hurt him and I'm sorry."

I half expected Edward to shout at his father and blame him for everything that had followed but instead, he just looked sad and defeated.

"Mom, Dad, this is Lucy Renee Esme Swan, our daughter."

"Welcome Lucy," Esme said, smiling her thanks at me for including her name in my daughter's. "My name is Esme but you can call me whatever you like. Tori calls me Nanna Esme, you can too if you want to."

"Nanna Esme. I have Esme in my name," she stated. "Mom said it's after her favorite Cullen so I 'spect that's you."

Esme wiped a tear from her eyes but I think it was a combination of happiness over the name and sadness that Edward had not gotten a mention and was not my favorite Cullen. I had considered Edwina and rejected it, in case we never met again. I always think it's sad to name a child after a father who will never interact with them anyway.

Thank God I hadn't had a son, because had he looked like Lucy thus Edward, I would have been hard pressed to come up with a name for him that didn't include the 'E' word.

"So, we have missed a few birthdays," Carlisle said, sitting down on the sofa and facing Lucy. "We thought maybe we could give you three birthday gifts for the birthdays we missed."

"Cool, where are they?" my daughter asked, never shy at coming forward when gifts were involved. "You know I will be four soon, right?"

They laughed.

"We thought we would wait for the actual day before giving you that present," Esme told her. "I hope you like these gifts." She walked to the table and handed over several brightly wrapped gifts and Lucy studied them seriously before unwrapping them.

"Oh, a baby doll," she said, her voice undecided if this was a good or bad present. She isn't a mad keen doll lover but her collection is restricted to the cheaper Barbies, so she decided this doll was okay.

"Tori has the same doll but in a pink dress. I thought maybe yours would prefer blue."

"I don't wear pink," Lucy confirmed. "It's a great doll. I will name it Cinda seeing it has Cinderella on her dress." Logical. Esme showed her how to turn the doll on so it blinked and ate and smiled and made baby sounds. Lucy was a lot more impressed after that. Especially at the prospect of changing diapers. She sat on the floor and fed the doll a bottle of magic formula and waited for the fabric to change color when the doll wet.

"Both your grandpa's are working on making wooden cradles for you two to put in your bedrooms so your babies will have somewhere to sleep."

"We _are _getting babies?" Lucy replied, confused. "I thought Mom and Dad said that hug they did was not a special cuddle."

"Lucy, Esme means your dolls. Not real babies," I explained hurriedly, ignoring the amused looks we were getting."We aren't...we didn't..."

"It's okay, Bella. Dad and Mom understand I missed my chance with you, and at best you will let me be your friend and Lucy's father, nothing more," Edward cut in.

"Well then I definitely do want a kitten. Tori and I want one each. I want a black one to name Satan's Spawn. That's what Granny Renee calls all cats."

I blushed and silently cursed my mother.

The next gift was a stack of clothing, including a pair of Sleeping Beauty pyjamas, and she was so impressed she insisted on changing into them immediately. Esme handed Tori a pink bag containing similar clothing and she too insisted on putting her matching pyjamas on.

"I fear my daughter may be somewhat influential on Edward's little petal," I sighed.

"That's a good thing," Edward assured me. "Lucy has brought Tori out of her shell so much. She can be a little nervous and intimidated by life but she is changing in front of my eyes these last few days."

"Nanna Esme, Jessica brought her kitten to school today and she let me hold it," Tori said, climbing onto Esme's lap.

"Yes, and it peed on the carpet," Lucy added, looking about. "So, that's two presents..."

Carlisle held out a hand. "Come with me, number three is in here." Lucy jumped up and followed him gladly and paused at the doorway.

"Oh yes, a bike. But I don't need a helmet," she protested.

"No helmet, no riding. You could just keep the bike in your bedroom to look at," Edward suggested slyly.

"Nuh, I'll wear the helmet," Lucy decided.

"I've got a bike like that," Tori said and Lucy smiled. "I hope it's the same color."

"It is," she nodded happily.

"Cool, cos twins should match," Lucy announced. "See, our pj's are the same."

"Bella, would you like to take a walk around the yard and see Esme's rose garden?" Edward asked and I was about to refuse, on the grounds I needed to moderate my daughter's behaviour when he caught my eye.

Oh, his parent's wanted time alone with the girls. "Sure, I love roses," I answered and followed him out, giving Lucy a warning glance and leaning to whisper in her ear as I passed her. "Be polite, and no swearing. I'm warning you, Lucy. These people do not think cursing is cute so behave."

Renee tended to forget that little pigs have big ears and my daughter had grown up exposed to many words I would have preferred she didn't hear at her tender age but how does one control another person's mouth? Mom did try but the moment she was really pissed off, out they came. And from day one, Lucy had delighted in repeating the words. Unfortunately I had overreacted and now she thought it was a funny way to wind me up when she wanted to.

Nowadays I ignore her and the words are losing their charm but I wouldn't put it past her to test the new grandparents out.

"Your parents seem very calm and accepting of your little strays," I commented and Edward frowned. "I'd really rather you didn't call them that. I love my girls and I wish I had planned their conceptions but that would have been impossible. I would never have had Tori if you and I had planned to have Lucy, and I can't wish my Tori away."

"Of course not," I answered. "You are a great Dad. You were a great boyfriend those first two years and I know it was circumstances that tore us apart. I don't blame you, Edward. Now I can see the situation from both our views, I don't resent what happened as much. I wish it had been different but it is what it is, and we have two wonderful little girls as a result of the fuckery."

"Do you ever wish you hadn't conceived?" he asked me seriously.

"I did, many times, to be honest. I was terrified of what I would have to endure to give birth. It made me sick with worry but I figured, if Renee could survive that, I could too. I did think I was dying in the Delivery Room. It was so weird when it was over. I was still expecting someone to notice and pronounce me being on my death bed, and the nurse was all, "You can go take a shower now, through that door there," and I was lying there, thinking, "Sure, because I can walk. Get me a wheelchair." Yet I could walk and I did and the drugs stopped the pain of the stitches and guess what, I lived."

"Did you have a lot of stitches?" he asked and looked a little worried.

"Ten internal and twelve external," I answered and he looked rather green. "It is an excellent form of birth control. The thought of ever being torn apart like that again keeps my knees firmly together," I informed him.

"But you don't have any pain now?" he checked.

"Not in my day to day life but I admit, I do wonder what it will be like when somebody tries to enter that area. I fear it will be like losing my virginity all over again. Painful and bloody."

"There's no reason to expect it to be bloody, but I suppose you could ask Carlisle about what it will be like. He's delivered babies and dealt with post natal check ups and all that. You should discuss your fears with him."

"I should, or I'll never get back on that bike," I jested. "Now I just need to meet somebody I would want to endure the first time with."

"Bella, I met Jasper's best friend, Garrett. He's a really nice guy and I invited him to dinner tomorrow night. I haven't set you up, he doesn't know you will be there and I have invited Alice and Jazz and Rose, and Emmett if he's back from wherever he went."

"What is the mystery?" I asked. It seemed strange that Emmett hadn't come home again. Surely someone had told him I was back and had a new niece for him to meet. Emm loved me and loved kids, so I thought he would have returned.

"I don't know but I was in Dad's study the other day and there were referral forms in Emmett's name on the desk. I couldn't tell what type of doctor he was referred to. I can't ask Dad, he drummed patient confidentiality into our brains while we were toddlers. He would be angry I read any part of his notes if he knew."

I teared up, petrified. I love Emmett, I really do. Edward stepped closer and hugged me. "I'm sure he will be okay."

"But nothing can happen to Emm. He's so big and strong and healthy. If he gets sick then that means little kids have no chance of survival." I tried to pull out of Edward's embrace.

"Bella, the girls are fine. Dad is a doctor, if anything happened who better to have on hand? He will keep them safe. And you need to practice what you preach. We both need to step back and give those girls a little space. We can't spend our entire lives panicking over what may happen or they will never be game to walk out the front door."

"She's all I have, Edward. Lucy is the only one I really have," I protested.

"No, she isn't. You have Renee and Charlie. You have Carlisle and Esme on your side. You have Tori and you have me and we will always be here for you. I will never forget how important you were to me, even if you have. Now I've found you again, you cannot expect me to remain distant and disinterested in your life because that would be impossible. I've never felt about any other woman like I felt about you so get used to it. You are important to me, and always will be, and not just because of Lucy."

I tried to relax and Edward released me now I was no longer struggling, and took my hand.

"Come look at the roses. Give them time to talk and get to know each other. Lucy would bellow out for you if she needed to."

We walked around the garden, and Edward asked me a million questions about the pregnancy and birth and my classes and everything else.

Finally Esme called us in for dinner and the girls barely looked up from where they were jointly defeating Carlisle at Snap.

"The garden is beautiful, Esme, I said as I helped her set the table. "I hope Lucy is behaving."

"She is wonderful, Bella. I think those two will be thick as thieves as they grow up together. I know I'm not allowed to hope you and Edward will ever reconcile, but tell my heart that. It won't listen. I wish I had stood up for you both but I thought Carlisle had a point. You two were far too involved at such a young age but we should not have interfered. I realise now you two were building foundations for what could have become a wonderful relationship able to stand test of time had we not done what we did. We made those foundations shaky, it would not have happened if we'd let you go to college together."

"I can't think about what if's or I would go crazy," I admitted. "The thought of the two of us still together, never breaking up. Never having sent Edward into another woman's arms..."

Esme took me into her arms. The Cullen's are big huggers, something that took time to get used to. My own parents were much more staid and far less emotional. I patted her back, she seemed as upset today as she was when Edward walked away at SeaTac and boarded the plane to New York, leaving me there, crying my eyes out and calling out to him that I would always love him, no matter what. No matter how far apart we were.

Edward appeared at the doorway and grabbed me roughly from Esme and enveloped me in his own arms.

"What did you say to make her cry? I told you to stay the Hell out of this,Mom. If you and Dad expect me to keep you in my life and in the lives of my children, then you cannot say things like that to Bella. She's the victim in all this. It's her we killed, between us."

"I'm okay," I stuttered, unaware I was crying myself. "Your Mom didn't say anything."

"Do you want to go home? We can call it a night and go right now if you want."

"Edward, I'm fine," I protested as he wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumb. He glared at his mother and dinner could have been extremely awkward had the girls not kept us all entertained with their stories. Gradually my heart slowed back to a normal pace and I stopped blushing.

Edward was a little frosty toward both Carlisle and Esme but the girls didn't notice and we got them home and bathed and into bed before falling down together on the couch.

"I'm sorry for whatever she said," he apologised. "I dare say she was suggesting we could make a go of things and you should overlook my many failings and I would never expect that. I know some things are unforgivable. God knows if I'd seen what you saw while I thought we were still a couple..."

"Hush. It's over and in the past. Rehashing it just stirs things up again and it's over, Edward. It doesn't even matter now."

"It's always going to matter to me," he replied.

"So, do you think we should buy a kitten? They could share one, we don't have to have a houseful."

"Sure, if you think the girls really want kittens, I'll buy kittens. I'll check the lease and see if there's a no pets clause. They may have to wait until we move into our own house."

"You have your own house? Why rent, then?" I asked him.

"I have sort of arranged to have my own house built, they are doing the foundations already, Dad told me today."

"Oh, okay. Do you still want Lucy and I to live with you when it's built? If not, I can possibly keep this place if someone wants to share with me and my incorrigible child."

"Of course I want you to both come with us. There's only one problem. I'm building it on the meadow."

"Oh. The meadow. Right."

The meadow, scene of many romantic encounters. Our first time outside, our setting where he proposed to me. Stupidly, I had said no. Firstly because we were about to go to colleges on the opposite sides of the country; secondly because I had bought into the 'you're too young' song that both sets of parents sang. Thirdly because I was confident we could endure the separation and do things properly, not get engaged because we were panicking.

Edward was panicking. He said he was scared of what would happen if we weren't completely committed to one another but ironically, I think he meant he thought I might get tempted to cheat if I wasn't able to be with him. That would never happen. I had never so much as kissed anyone while we were together.

"That's a wonderful location for your house," I replied.

"Bella, you know I always pictured us living there, in our house. With our kids."

"Mmmm," I answered, unable to speak. I am finding it harder and harder to not burst into tears at every mention of how we were and what we had planned to become. I thought I was over all this but clearly, being here with Edward is eroding my defences.

My cell rang and I grabbed it eagerly. Even a late date with Riley to hear about Riley Biers, The Middle School Years, would be a welcome distraction.

"Bella, Bella, where are you?" cried my Mom. "I need you. They think Charlie has had a heart attack."

"Dad's had a heart attack? Where are you, Mom?" I asked, refusing to let my legs collapse beneath me.

"Forks Hospital. Carlisle is in with Charlie now. He collapsed at home."

"I'll be right there, Mom."

Edward had stood up, disturbed by the call.

"Just go. I'll mind the kids and get them to school in the morning. Do you need me to call a cab?"

"No, I can drive. Thanks, Edward. I'll call in the morning if.."

"He is in good hands. Dad must have been called in, yeah?"

I nodded and ran for the door.

EPOV

My mother upsetting Bella had incensed me but I didn't know exactly what had been said so I actually restrained myself from saying things I wouldn't be able to take back. My parents and her parents both are trying to take responsibility for the part they played in our downfall, even though it was my own actions that tumbled our house of cards down in the end.

Their words couldn't unshatter the fragile crystal heart our love had been, with not enough substance to endure the pressures and challenges.

Bella had not been exactly blame-free but she had definitely done the least wrong. And she had paid the highest price.

When Renee rang, I had a feeling Bella had wanted to flee anyway, unable to cope with the news I was building on our meadow, or maybe she had just been hit with a tsunami of memories of our times there. She had clutched her third finger left hand as she sat there, agitated.

So, she remembered the proposal.

I know she had seen it as a silly schoolboy move but I had so wanted to cement us together before leaving her behind. That's when she should have been knocked up. They could have talked and argued all they wanted but had Lucy been on the way, they would have had to give up and let us take a gap year, then Renee could have come with us to play nursemaid while we studied.

Esme called and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital to be with Bella but I felt if she wanted me there, she would ask, so I asked Mom to make herself available but for now, I would stay here with the girls.

I kept my phone by my side and turned the tv on quietly to pass the time, and gradually my eyes closed and I catnapped.

"Mommy!" screamed a small frightened voice and I bolted upstairs. Damn, Tori has not had a nightmare about her mother for a while, but it seems they are back.

I opened her door and found her sleeping peacefully.

"Mommy!" the cry went again and I turned and went into Lucy's room.

She was sitting up in bed, shaking and crying.

"Hey, Luce, what's wrong?' I asked, sitting on her bed.

"I had a bad dream. I want Mommy," she cried.

"Um, Mommy had to go into work for a while so can I look after you instead?"

She nodded and wiped her hand across her face and put her arms out so I scooped her up and took her downstairs so her cries wouldn't wake Tori.

"Do you want to tell me about our dream?" I asked. Tori could never let go of a nightmare until she said the words out loud.

"I dreamed somebody died. Mommy was crying and I couldn't find a tissue for her and she was sad."

"Well, Mommy is fine, Poppet. She just had to go to work so the newspaper can get sent to the shops in the morning. Would you like a drink or anything?"

"Chocolate milk?" she asked and in the circumstances, I decided the one glass per day rule could be stretched. She settled down with me on the couch and I put in a kids dvd with fairies and songs and we lay together after she finished her milk, and her eyes drooped a few times before she gave in. Just as I was about to take her back into her bedroom upstairs, she opened her eyes and looked afraid, so I lay down on my own bed and lay her on my chest.

She went straight back to sleep and so long as I didn't attempt to move, she lay there peacefully.

I heard the key in the front door and Bella tiptoed upstairs and looked in, no doubt to update me about her father. She was surprised at the small girl sleeping on my chest and she walked closer and stood above us.

"What woke her up?" she asked, worriedly, gently brushing Lucy's hair out off her forehead and kissing her.

"Bad dream. I told her you were at work."

"Tori wanted me?" she said in surprise.

"Bella, it's Lucy," I smirked.

Bella reached down and tried to take our daughter and Lucy opened her eyes and protested. "I want to stay here with Daddy. He keeps the bad dreams away."

"Okay. If that's all right with you," she asked.

"It's fine. I've slept like this on and off for three years, don't forget. I quite like it, it's better than sleeping alone. And Lucy and I have a lot of time to make up for."

Bella was clearly torn about what to do next.

"How was work?" I asked.

"Oh, fine. Mom made Thai. Enough said?"

Renee was in running for Worst Cook On The Planet. Her cooking could fell a grizzly in full charge. Toss one of her sponge cakes and hit it on the head and you would have yourself a new, ready-to-make bearskin rug.

"So, no heart attack?"

"Nope, but Carlisle thinks Mom's cooking could still kill him," she quipped. "He's been discharged and I think it will be dinner at the diner from now on."

"Do you want to sleep in here with us?" I offered. "There's plenty of room."

"Sure, good idea," she replied and went out to change. She returned in an old pair of sweats and a Tshirt that had seen much better days. I recognised it and kept a straight face. I knew it because like Bella, it had once belonged to me. It was my High School track team shirt and as she curled up beside us, I could see my name across the back, reflected in my mirror.

Maybe she had always worn it. Maybe she didn't even realise what it was by now. It was threadbare and faded but somehow it looked great on her. Perfect.

I put an arm around her sleeping form and lay there feeling like a family of a sort. Tori snuck into my bed in the early hours and curled up on my other side and I enjoyed a few hours of cherishing this time, with all the girls I had ever loved in my bed at once.

X~x~X

I was rudely awoken the next morning by heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs and Emmett appeared at the doorway.

"Whoa," he said, looking at the child at my side then the child on my chest.

"What the fuck, Edward? How did you clone Tori?"

Cleary he hadn't been home yet. He walked around and peered at Bella and his face split in a grin.

"Fuck me, you got her back. Don't let her go, this time. Oh, so let me work this out. You have another kid. With Bella. Which ones Tori?"

"The one beside me. Lucy had a nightmare, Bella was out, she came home and joined us, then Tori wandered in so yeah, all my girls together."

"Mind blowing."

"Are you okay, Emmett?" I asked.

"Sure. It's not good news but it's not bad. They can do so much these days."

"What's wrong with you?" I asked worriedly.

"Rosie and I have been trying to create one of these," he said, waving at my daughters. "She got the all clear, all her parts are in full working order. Me, not so good. No straight swimmers. But the good news is, I do _have_ swimmers and they can do this thing where they inject a single sperm into an egg and then drop it inside Rosie's womb and hopefully it will grab on and grow."

"Good luck," I stated, hoping it would be as simple as he made it sound.

"Yeah, it seems there is one thing you can do better than I can, after all. Who would have thought?"

"Rather too well, some would say," I grinned.

"Well, if you have any others out there, maybe you could give us one of them," he suggested jokingly.

"Nope, no chance of that. I've only ever slept with two women and both of them ended up knocked up. It tends to make you wary, though I didn't actually know I'd left Lucy in Bella."

"Obviously not. Why didn't she tell you?"

"Worst possible reason," I replied shortly.

"Oh fuck me,not...she didn't see what Mom and Dad walked in on?"

"She did. It was only sex, meaningless you-know-what, but had I not mucked up, I wouldn't have Tori so I am trying to accept somehow it was part of the path I had to take in this life."

"Shit, poor Bella. I totally sympathise you know. When Rose and I had that break in Senior Year, and I caught her with Royce...fuck, it took a very long time before I could even bring myself to kiss her again. I don't know if you can ever erase something like that from your mind."

"What were they doing? They weren't..."

"Naked and bumping uglies," he sighed.

"Emmett, how did you ever manage to get past that?"

"I had to deliberately picture Rosie and me doing it somewhere amazing. Like in the pool under the waterfall. I had to close my eyes and pretend we were back there. If it was too hard, we actually went and recreated the scenario.

They were going at it in the backseat of his car so I avoided car sex from then on and I managed to forgive and forget. We were on a break, mutually decided, and I had no say in what she did and with whom. I had the choice of just walking away or overcoming the whole incident and having her back. She wanted me back, I wanted her, there was no way to turn back time so I manned up and swallowed my pride and made new memories with her. I took her away, remember?"

"Emmett, you came back married, I think everyone tends to remember an elopement."

"I had to make a grand gesture to give us a new start."

It was something to think about. I was feeling a new vibe from Bella today and maybe the future was not as bleak as I had thought. She had boxes of clothing, she must have had other things to wear to bed. The fact she kept the shirt warmed my heart, the fact she still wore it thrilled me, and the fact she wore it without thought in front of me meant something more. If she hated me, why hadn't she ceremonially burned it on a bonfire?

Judging her by knowing I would have never managed to overcome what had happened had it been in reverse didn't mean she wasn't a better person than I was. Maybe in time, the need for the girls to stay together, and the convenience of a man on the spot might sway her a little.

Once she saw my house, who knows?

I didn't intentionally play dirty, I had no idea she would come back when I had the plans drawn up professionally. Okay, I used her rough sketches she drew in High School for our ideal house, but it was a great design. I just hope she understands it had become the only house I could picture there, that's why I used her plan. This could all backfire and blow up in my face, but didn't everything?

Emmett went home to Rosie and I pointed out they would both see Bella tonight when Garrett came to dinner. I wasn't sure I even wanted the man here now. Why start playing nice?


	8. Chapter 8

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 8

BPOV

I woke up disoriented, until I realised I was in the boring beige bedroom. Rolling over, my confusion increased. Both little girls were asleep on Edward's chest and I honestly could not figure out which one was mine.

Edward smirked and lay there watching me examine both small faces. Without her usual cheeky expression, my sleeping child looked identical to his.

I picked up one of the photos Edward had on his bedside table, a photo of Victoria and himself with a younger Tori.

"Victoria looks nothing like me," I stated.

"Why would she?" Edward asked.

"You would expect the girls to look somewhat similar, seeing they have the same father, but they do have different mothers. Tori should look something like her mother and Lucy could have had the decency to take a tiny bit after me."

"If you look closely, Tori's hair is slightly curlier than Lucy's," Edward replied."She inherited the curls from Vic."

Aha, a clue.

"So this one is Lucy," I decided, seeing the other one had hair more curly from closer to her head.

"No, I'm Tori," the little girl replied, but the look in her now open eyes gave her game away.

"Sure you are and that's a pity because I was about to take Lucy downstairs to have the first ride on her new bike."

"I'm Lucy, really, look Mommy," she protested, pulling her sleeve up and showing me the faint writing still visible despite last night's ablutions.

LUCY was written across her forearm with a sharpie.

"So, you can spell your name now," I commented as she sat up and reached over to throw her arms around my neck.

As I changed her into day clothes, I glanced at myself in the mirror and realised I'd worn Edward's old shirt to bed, from habit. It had been my way of keeping him with us when I held Lucy as a baby and it just became a habit to wear. A habit I should probably break now he wanted me to move on. His signals were confusing. Some times he spoke like he wanted me back, other times his words sounded like goodbye. Like when he told me about this Garrett person.

I wasn't confident I could stand dating another stranger but then, surely not all guys our age were full of themselves. I held out the hope I wouldn't go to bed tonight knowing the entire life story of Garrett like I knew all about Riley.

Edward emerged with Tori, both dressed for the day and he took the girls outside to their bikes while I hurriedly changed. The morning was fine and the sky clear and I could spare an hour before having to get ready for work. The girls bags were already packed by Edward last night, so all they needed was breakfast and their hair done before we took them to school.

Tori was beaming with happiness over being better than Lucy at something, I suspected, as Edward held on to my daughter's bike and kept it upright. Lucy was full of enthusiasm but she suffered a little from the same handicap as I did, clumsiness, and her co-ordination left a lot to be desired. She struggled to push the pedals and the jerky manner the bike was moving in was making it wobble alarmingly.

"Don't let go, Daddy," she pleaded. "I would never let you fall," Edward promised.

Tori rode up and down the driveway with confidence and I saw Lucy bite her lower lip in determination to ride at least as well as her sister could.

She had improved somewhat by the time we had to call the fun to a halt to finish preparing them for school. I brushed out Lucy's hair as Edward did the same to Tori.

"Who died, Mommy?" Lucy asked.

"What do you mean?" I questioned. We didn't know anyone who had died, to my knowledge.

"I had a dream last night that somebody died and you were sad and crying," she replied.

"Nobody died, it was just a nightmare," I assured her.

All the same, I called Mom while the girls were brushing their teeth and checked her food had not had a fatal effect later in the night.

Dad was in fine spirits, having avoided slipping into Death's door last night, so I put it down to just a dream and took the girls to strap into the car seats.

Edward was in a split mood, happy to be playing Daddy with the kids but sort of quiet with me, glancing my way often but not speaking except in very general terms, like reminding me the girl's would need their rain coats if the weather man was right.

Jess welcomed them inside and Edward dropped me at work before returning to the house for his last free day, other than this weekend. Next week he would be working as well and we would have to make more effort to co-ordinate our working days to end at the same time in order to always collect the girls together. He seemed to want to say something, and after opening the passenger door for me to alight, he stood beside the car with his fists clenching and unclenching.

"Is everything okay?" I asked and he nodded once and got into the car. "See you later then. Who is cooking tonight?" I checked. "You are, I hope. I will need time to change into my glad rags and put on some proper make up. Have to dazzle the single and available guest and all."

"I will," he replied shortly, and left.

Honestly, men are strange creatures.

Riley was sitting on my desk, with a takeaway coffee waiting for me. So, sue me, I took it. It was far superior to the stuff in the lunch room.

"So, Bella, I was wondering if you were free tonight," he started and I shook my head in regret.

"Sorry, I have a date," I improvised. Maybe tonight will lead to a date then I won't be lying.

"With Edward?" he asked, looking hurt and angry at the same time.

"Why would I be dating Edward?" I asked. "He and I had our chance a long time ago."

"Is he Lucy's father?" he asked, picking up the photo of my daughter and I off my desk. "Why did I ask? Obviously he is."

"Yes, he is, now how about we make a start so we can leave at a reasonable hour," I suggested, sitting down and waving the sport's writer over for a quick chat.

The day sped by, and apart from Riley's 'kicked puppy' expression every time he looked my way, I enjoyed my day. I was happy to escape though when he made a show of bringing his date book over and asking if he could book in a few dates ahead seeing I was 'seeing other men', in a tone that made it sound like we were engaged and I was cheating.

"Riley, we had fun at lunch but dating in the workplace never works for me, so let's leave it at that," I said brightly and grabbed my bag.

Edward was waiting, so I escaped quickly and dismissed my Boss from my mind.

"What the fuck!" Edward yelled as we pulled up at the Childcare center.

I got my first look at Victoria, upright and wearing clothing, as she argued with Jess and tried to convince her to hand her daughter over to her.

Edward was furious and I scuttled inside to make sure Tori and indeed, Lucy, were not witnessing this. I grabbed their hands as they saw me from their places on the floor in front of Lauren as she read the end of today's story. Lauren was glancing nervously at the scene at the doorway but the glass wall between the rooms muffled the sounds.

"I want to see the kitten, is it here? Daddy said we could talk about getting a kitten," I babbled, and led them into the farthest room down the back, pretending to like the grey ball of fur asleep in a little cage.

The girls informed me of twenty little known facts about cats and I suggested they draw a picture of Tinkerbelle to take home and put on the fridge. Lauren hovered around, watching out towards the escalating drama and signalling me to keep the girls here. She introduced me to the new childcare worker, Kate, and both women started cutting up yarn and showing the girls how to paste it onto the outlines of their cats to make fur.

Finally a red faced Edward swept in, scooped up Tori and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Are we ready to go home?" I asked him.

"Sure, let's get out of here."

He was clearly agitated and kept checking his rear view mirror throughout the drive home. I figured he'd tell me anything he thought I should know but he went to the kitchen and laid out the kid's snacks and milk, so I slipped away and looked at my pathetic stash of clothes, looking for a dress to wear tonight.

Alice appeared as if by magic and rescued me as she often had in High School.

"I made this, I'm not sure if you'll like it but it will suit you. Blue is your color."

I liked the color and the fabric but the three layers of frills on the skirt were more than I would usually wear. But whatever.

I showered and the torture began as my hair was pulled and curled and pinned up and tendrils arranged by the sides of my face, before it was slathered in make up.

The dress did look nice, sort of girlie, and I even let her force my feet into slightly higher heels than my usual preference; complete flats.

She kept up a running commentary on the various attributes of Garrett Teller and I looked forward to meeting this prince amongst men. Of course, marriage was out of the question. I was not about to face the world as Bella Teller.

Edward kept the girls amused and I suspected he bribed them into having an early night, and I sat in the lounge room with Alice and Jasper until a knock sounded on the door.

"Open it," Alice hissed so I did and was swept into the tree trunk arms of my other favorite Cullen brother. Heck, in different ways I love all three, but Emmett is so uncomplicated compared to Edward and even Jasper, who tends to be a little moody at times.

"Hell's Bells, look who has come back to us," Emmett boomed, kissing my cheek with a loud sloppy kiss.

"Put her down," Rose ordered, smiling at me. "You don't know where she's been."

"I know she slept in Edward's bed last night," he announced to the world, including the attractive tall man with the pony tail that had pulled up behind Emmett's jeep and followed him inside.

"Garrett," he said happily, placing me on the floor so he could do the manhug thing. I escaped to where the girls were sitting and looked the newcomer over. Jasper joined in the man hugging and the two women smiled at me and Rose grabbed my hand and marched me back over.

"Garrett Teller, Isabella Swan. Call her Bella."

Garrett took my hand and kissed my knuckles, and my spirits rose.

"So, it's really nice to meet you. I have the advantage, Jasper has actually talked a lot about you over the years. He neglected to tell me how beautiful you are, though."

I decided I liked him. We sat side by side on he sofa and I actually had to encourage him to tell me about himself.

Edward came into the room and sat as far away as possible at the opposite end, with Emmett and studiously ignored us after a few words of greeting to Garrett but we had plenty to talk about. I could hear the others discussing Victoria's arrival in town and what it could mean but Garrett was actually interesting and I tuned them out and concentrated on him.

Edward and Alice served dinner and Rose herded us to the two chairs along the far side of the table and we accepted more wine from Jazz. I kept talking to my 'date' whom I had decided was a really nice man, just as Edward had said.

I wondered if he had done this to palm me off so I wouldn't get any ideas about a possible reconciliation like Esme had hoped for. Maybe Edward thought there was too much water under the bridge and wanted me matched with a man he had deemed worthy of being Lucy's stepfather.

Whatever, it would be no strain to go out with anyone this attractive and interesting. Unlike me, Garrett had travelled everywhere. He was something of a nomad in his spare time and I was genuinely fascinated to hear his opinion about other countries, and which ones were not worth visiting.

By the time he asked me out on a real date for the next night, I was already sure Edward had been right. This was a 'person of interest' as far as I was concerned.

I even walked him to his car as he left and on my return inside, I was taken by force to my bedroom to 'tell all' to Rose and Alice.

"He seems nice, what can I say?" I sighed as they grilled me.

"I think he is just what we need," Alice said but I wasn't quite sure what she meant.

"Make him work for it," Rose advised.

"Garrett?" I asked, confused. Did she think I lent myself out to anyone?

"Yeah, whoever," she muttered.

"He's so distracted," Alice laughed and Rose smirked. "He didn't look at her once. Completely avoided eye contact."

"No, Garrett looked at me," I corrected them, confused.

Rose patted me on the head and smiled.

EPOV

My head felt like it wanted to explode as I sat down with Jazz and Emmett and we discussed Vic and what she was up to. Legally Tori is in my sole care temporarily until the future is decided. I wished now that I had pushed harder for permanent sole custody, before coming back here.

Maybe Victoria was just having momentary second thoughts and would decide to desert us again. I hoped so. I didn't want Tori upset.

If Vic wanted to see her and spend time with her, then she needs to calm down and stop demanding her rights and act like a mature adult, not some child having a tantrum.

Then we have the Bella/ Garrett situation that I started and it seems to me, it's working far too well. I knew they'd get on, reason enough to have kept him far away from her. So, she has agreed to go out with him Saturday night. He hadn't wasted any time, had he?

What was the rush, that's what I wondered. They only just met and he has to see her again tomorrow? Wasn't there some guy rule about letting themselves take three days to decide if they really liked the girl? Didn't you let her cool off and see how keen she was by the time you called her? Three days later.

There were reasons for these rules. Maybe they'd rush in and then regret things. Then Bella would need someone to pick up the pieces and offer her a shoulder to cry on. I could but hope.

Rosalie and Alice looked mighty pleased with themselves as they left and I checked on the sleeping babies and Bella turned in the hallway and thanked me for 'pimping her out'. She assured me I had done well and Garrett was very much her type.

I lay in my bed and compared him to myself and decided we were possibly alike. Only he had one advantage.

Bella has never seen him ravishing some other woman while she went to tell him she was pregnant with his child.

That was clearly one Hell of a huge advantage.

Saturday dawned and the girls were up with the first light of dawn so I crawled out of bed and went to prepare breakfast. Tori was a changed child already after a single week with Jessica and Lauren and the new woman, but I attributed that more to the influence of Lucy and to a lesser extent, Bella.

Bella was up and all smiles as she sorted the dirty washing and got it underway, and the girls picked up on her mood.

"Can we go buy our kittens today?" Lucy asked, doing the big doe eyes at me that she already knew were part of her female weaponry.

"Can we, Daddy? Please," Tori echoed. There wasn't a 'no pets' clause so therefore no real reason not to give in and go buy us some kittens.

"Eat your breakfast and we will see," I compromised and watched Bella as she hung the washing outside in the soft warm sun. She looked happy and content and was clearly anticipating tonight would be a good night for her.

I went out to help her with the bedsheets and she thanked me and resumed singing softy as she worked.

"So, Garrett is a hit," I commented, trying to sound enthused.

"He seems okay. He's a breath of fresh air after Riley, whom I told I was already dating Garrett by the way, before he actually asked me out. Alice and Rose are coming over to torture me later, in preparation for my return to the real world. God, Edward,you realise this will be my first proper, grown up date? I don't do this and have no idea what to say or how to act. I will screw this up, I know I will."

BPOV

"Just be yourself. You are an amazing person and any man would be proud to take you out. Relax and enjoy the experience," he advised.

"I know you are right but I need a distraction. Can we take the girls to the beach or something? If I sit home all day thinking about tonight, I won't be in any condition to walk out that front door."

"Sure, we could go down to La Push. But then we are going to the Pet Store. They have kittens. My daughters want kittens. See where I'm going with this?"

I unconsciously shivered. I can't stand it when cats do that thing where they rub against your leg or entwine themselves around your ankles. It just makes me cringe and want to run away.

"We only have to get one, surely. The girls need to learn to share," I said hopefully.

"Bella, they share a father, I think they can each have a kitten each of their very own."

Drat.

Two monsters to avoid.

The beach was lovely which was surprising especially for this time of the year and Edward ran along with one girl or another on his back, jogging in the water at the edge of the sea while I ran beside the other.

There was no mistaking who was who. Tori was the one who looked as neat as she had before we left home and Lucy was the one wet to her thighs and covered in sea foam and wet sand, with her hair already escaping from it's braids.

So alike yet so totally different.

Lucy started a fight, kicking up the foam so it splashed all over Edward and he returned as good as he got. Tori ran to my side and stayed well away from the battle front, and I sat in the dry sand and pulled her onto my knee. She was relaxing with me nowadays and happy to have a substitute mother. I was combing the sand my daughter had tossed at her from her hair when someone plopped at my side.

"Hey Jacob," I said with a grin. He had kept his distance, maybe to avoid babysitting Lucy again. It's not the easiest thing to do, she can be quite the handful.

"So, look at my beautiful girls," he said and Tori narrowed her eyes and looked from him to me.

"Yes, aren't we just perfect. That daughter of Edward's is a handful though. Just look at her, running wild. She's not nearly as well behaved as Lucy here," I said, winking at Tori.

Tori covered her mouth with her hands and giggled. "Tori is crazy," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Edward has raised her like a wolf in a wolf pack instead of like a nice young lady with proper manners, hey Lucy?" I joked.

She nodded and looked shyly at Jake. He handed her a large white shell, unbroken at the edges even.

"Thank you, Jacob," she whispered.

He was being so restrained with this child, I knew he knew our game.

Lucy looked over at us and squealed as Edward caught her around the waist and lifted her wet shivering body into the air.

"Bella, did you bring spare clothes?" he called and I nodded. "I did for Lucy, but not for you. I thought I only had two children to cater for, not three."

He ran over and dumped a wet and sandy child onto Jake's lap and Lucy immediately started wiping the foam from her own body onto his long black hair.

"Hey, behave, don't touch the hair," he cautioned, standing and letting her fall onto the soft dry sand.

"Did you think Tori was me?" she asked, giggling.

"How could that ever happen, Lucifer? You are the little monster and she is the sweet well behaved version. Nobody would ever think she was you and even less likely, that you were her. I bet you couldn't stay dry and clean for one hour."

"I bet I could. We are going to get kittens," she informed him as Edward wrapped a beach towel around her and rubbed her skin dry. While the sun was shining warmly, it was still too cold to be wearing damp clothes outside.

He instructed her how to strip off inside the towel and helped her redress in clean clothing, while Jake lay down beside me and turned to face my face as I relaxed on the warm sand.

"So, I hear you are dating again. Do you have any spare places on your dance card or have the usual suspects all turned up already?" Jake asked.

"I have one single date with a guy named Garrett Teller tonight. Whether it will lead to others, we shall have to wait and see. You aren't seriously asking me out, are you?"

He shook his head and smiled.

"Bella, I am a contender. I'm twenty three years old. I know the two years used to be completely a deal breaker when we were teenagers but you are twenty five, not forty. Yes, I am asking you out on a date."

"Hmm, then it will have to be next Friday," I decided. Seriously, could one ever cross that line and see a boy they had known all their lives and alter him from friend to suitor? I didn't see it myself but if Garrett turned out to be interesting, it wouldn't hurt him to think he competition.

" Friday it is. I'll pick you up at eight. Maybe I will finally get to claim that kiss you owe me," Jake said, looking out at sea.

"I do not owe you a kiss," I protested. Honestly, he was like an elephant, he never forgot anything.

He turned his head and looked into my eyes.

"You promised me your first kiss and you gave it to somebody else. I think you owe me at least two kisses to make compensation for my years of pain and suffering while I had to watch you give your first everything to Edward," he muttered.

Edward smiled and hugged his knees.

"Her first everything was pretty damned amazing," he said, raising his eyebrows.

"Shut up, you lucky bastard," Jake laughed.

"I would give you all the details but not in front of the children," Edward grinned.

"It's fine, Edward. You think I didn't imagine every move you two made on each other back then? I felt like a peeping tom and I was just seeing it all happen inside my head. You two shattered all my hopes and dreams. I so wanted Bella to be my first and to be hers."

"I think the fact I lost my you-know-what at sixteen, when you were a mere _fourteen, _kind of ruled you out as a possibility," I pointed out.

"Not to mention the fact you lived and breathed Edward, and never gave anyone else a glance," Jake growled.

"I was in love. That's just the way it is when you are in love. You wouldn't know, you never allowed yourself to fall in love with any girl," I replied.

"Oh, I fell in love and before I turned fourteen," he answered. "The girl I wanted and dreamed about just didn't return my feelings but I have hope now. I thought she had fallen so hard she would never fall out of love but I am pleased to see I was wrong about that."

Edward stood up suddenly and took the hands of his daughters and headed towards the water's edge, throwing me a single tortured look.

"Stop it, Jake," I warned.

"Why should I? He ruined my teenage years, if I can return the favor, why wouldn't I?" he said coldly, watching Edward. "You chose him and he ruined your life. Maybe now you are ready to make better choices. And if you dating anyone hurts him, then good. "

"Edward just needs closure. We never said goodbye," I informed my former best friend.

"Oh Bella, don't be blind. The last thing he wants is closure. He wants you back and I am so happy you are not considering that stupid move. You have learnt from your mistakes, right? You can't trust Cullen with your heart. He let it be ripped to shreds once and he would do it again if you gave him half a chance."

X~x~X

EPOV

Bella was asleep on her beach towel when we returned and Jake was sitting beside her, looking like he had found his peace at last. He was a man with a plan and it was probably quite a good one. He glared at me and I dropped the girls' hands and let them scamper away to where their sandcastles waited to be finished a little way along the beach.

Bella snored softly and we both grinned.

"So, you may have won the battle but you lost the war," Jake said, eyeing me off and finding me wanting.

"It was worth it. She was worth it," I replied. "I had her heart for two whole years, that's a lot more than you can claim."

"Actually you had it a lot longer than that. When she came home pregnant...that was over four years from when you first dazzled her. I always knew you were all pretty looks with no substance. You were so wrong for her. You got her best and still you tossed her way. I will never understand how you could have done that. If she had loved me like she loved you, believe me, I would have cherished that love and treated her a whole lot better than you did. Having sex with someone else while Bella still loved you and thought you were her world and her future? Even I didn't believe it, I could not have ever imagined even you would be so fucking stupid."

"I thought we were over. She shattered me as well, Jacob and I didn't need to see her with someone else to be devastated. Just losing her, knowing or rather thinking she didn't want me...you have no idea how I felt."

"Actually that's where you are wrong. I know exactly how that feels. I was the one she confided in when she first saw you and decided she was going to do everything in her power to make you look her way. I was her best friend but I can't even recall a time I didn't love her. Can you imagine what it was like, listening to her and Alice plot to attract the attention of Jasper and Edward Cullen, the two prettiest boys in town? Emmett was a lost cause, everyone knew he would only ever have eyes for Rosalie Hale, but every other girl wanted one of the two pretty Cullen brothers. I actually credited Bella with having more sense than to fall under your spell."

"I didn't know she knew I existed," I replied.

"You were the oblivious one. You went on your merry way, flirting with every girl while she sat by, trying to attract your attention and make you realise she existed."

"Jake, I knew she existed. I always knew that. I just never tried to approach her because she was so out of my league. I was a lanky, unsophisticated virgin. I didn't have anything good enough to offer her."

"All she ever wanted was your heart."

"She has that," I replied.

"Too late now, Edward. You aren't in her eyes any more. That means you no longer control her heart. Bella's real easy to read, just look into her eyes. Until she came back this time, you were always there, clouding her vision so she couldn't see past you. Those days are over, my friend.

You had her, forever, and you chose somebody else and had a kid with them. I would have loved to have had the power to knock you down to the ground and make her see how unworthy you were of her, but you did that all by yourself. Did I remember to thank you for that?"

"I was a fool," I admitted. "I wanted to go back to see her one last time, but I didn't have the airfare. I was studying and trying to keep up my grades while also holding down a part time job. I just didn't have the airfare. If I had it, none of this would have happened. We would have talked, she would have told me she was worried and thought she could be pregnant and I would have had the leverage at last to make her marry me."

"She will never marry anyone. Bella doesn't believe in marriage. She knows love is fleeting and there's no point legally tying yourself to a guy who will break your heart and move on anyway. You taught her that."

"I would do anything to go back.." I said.

"I'm so glad you can't do that. You had your chance, now step aside and let a real man who has her best interests at heart have his long awaited turn."

"She has a date with Jasper's friend Garrett tonight, you are aware of that?"

"Huh, I couldn't care less. If there's one thing I know about Bella, it's that she falls hard and fast from first sight and she has no feelings for him other than polite potential friendship. She hasn't mentioned his name twenty times in every sentence. My entire teen years all I ever heard was the world according to Edward. I couldn't mention the sea, or the sky or my favorite football team without Bella managing to turn the conversation around to what the wonderful Edward had said about the sea and the sky and every other topic on the planet. I hated your name with a passion. Thank God she had a girl.

Had little Edward arrived instead, she would have had to say that name for the rest of her life. I was never so happy as when she called me to tell me she had delivered a little girl. Of course, I had hoped for a little girl who looked like her mother. It's always going to be a reminder of you. That hair, those eyes. Maybe Lucy will change in time. Maybe she will start to look like Bella when she gets older. I hope so."

"You say you aren't worried about Garrett and you could be right. I don't know if he's just appealing to her because he is new and fresh and she doesn't know him yet, but if he isn't in her eyes, who is, Jacob? Are you?"

"Maybe not, but at least there's room for me now. It was always you and now it isn't. Even if it's never me, I will always love looking into those deep unending velvet pools and not seeing you there, Edward. If that's as good as it gets, life is still sweet, my man. Very sweet indeed."

"If you love her as you claim, surely you want to see someone in her eyes? I do. I want her to be happy. Okay, I failed her, and I fucked up big and I can't have her back but I still want to see her change her mind and let someone else in. It's a lonely life when the only one you share it with is a child. I adore Tori and Lucy, but they will never fill the gap in my chest and the hole in my heart that she left me with. Nobody else ever will, that's why I'm not trying."

"I would have thought a child, and now two children, would fill your heart, actually," he growled.

"No, Jake. With each child you grow a new heart for each of them, but your original heart is still there, even if it's in tatters. My heart will always be in her hands. I kid myself that one day, years in the future, another girl like Bella will come along and take her place but we both know that will never happen. There is nobody else like Bella."

"You are so right about that. But once again, you surprise me. You aren't even going to fight for her? I mean, yay, good for you, sit back and let someone else convince her to settle for something less this time. Less can be more. Less can be better, safer.

It just surprises me. I would have assumed somebody who already had her and knew how fucking amazing it must have been to know she loved you, and only you, could never give up hoping for a second chance. I mean, I would be there, fighting until the very end. I would interrupt her wedding, I would be in her face, begging on my knees if I were you, but by all means, step aside and let me have my turn. I'm a twenty three year old virgin, Edward. Nobody else was ever going to be my first. I know she will always have some sort of residual love for you because you were her first but believe me, I will make her forget you ever existed."

His words tugged at my soul. I didn't know what was the right thing to do, but stepping aside seemed a cowardly move now. Bella would have choices to choose from but just maybe I should nominate myself to be among the contenders. She would choose the ultimate winner, but if I wasn't even in the running, it would never be me.

I owed it to us to make her see me as being in the race.


	9. Chapter 9

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter Nine/Ten, whatever.

BPOV

The Pet Shop was every bit as horrible as I expected and Edward handed the main contenders to the girls to road test. Tori had chosen an orange cat with stripes, like marmalade, and Lucy stuck by her decision to go with jet black.

It appeared to be all decided and Edward smirked at me and held out a white bundle of fleas.

"Do you want a kitten as well?"

"Get it far away from me. You will be looking after these fleabags, not me. I don't feed them or brush them or walk them, nothing."

"They groom themselves and walk around the yard, you don't put them on a leash," he laughed.

"Good, and they had better poop outside because I don't want any cat stink in the house," I growled. I mean, these days you can buy those toy cats that have batteries and they walk and mew and do the good animal things without eating and tipping over their water bowls, and they didn't need litter trays.

Edward was comparing trays and he frowned. "Do you buy one tray per cat or do they share? I don't know what size to buy. The yellow one will fit in with the decor."

I shuddered. "Get one brown one and one green one so they match the great outdoors," I suggested.

"Bella, kittens have to locked inside at night."

I walked along a row of appealing dog cages and stopped at two that were metal but coated in pink plastic paint or something.

"Do you want them to sleep in cages?" he asked quietly.

"I would love them to. I have this thing about cats. If one of them ever gets on my bed, I will scream."

"Do you want me to try and talk them into a puppy instead?" he asked, turning to the girls as they sat cross legged on the floor with the chosen kittens in their laps. They were cuddling and cooing and there was no way I could break their little hearts.

"No, it's fine. Just tell them Jess keeps hers in a cage, she does at the center. And tigers have cages, that should appeal to Lucy."

We got home and Edward set up the litter trays in the downstairs laundry, and offered to take over the washing duties so I would never have to go in that room again.

"I can cook. You can be laundry bitch and I'll be kitchen bitch," I suggested hopefully.

"Who taught you? Can you cook better than Renee?" he asked, looking very afraid.

"I learnt from the Food Network," I informed him haughtily.

"Cool. I guess we can have a test run and see if your offerings are edible."

I slapped him and he grabbed my hands and stood still for a moment, looking searchingly into my eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing. Jake's right."

"Whoa, I never thought those words would leave your lips," I laughed and Edward looked sad and intense at the same time.

We ended up cooking lunch together, seeing Edward wanted to ensure our daughter's were not about to be struck down by food poisoning or 'heart attacks', even though they had eaten my cooking before. The girls chatted about Satan and Samantha, the cats.

"Lucy, really. Satan? You want me to have to stand at the door and call for Satan to come inside the house? I veto your name choice. Come up with something else, please."

"Fine. Then I'm calling her Santa," she replied.

"Cool, that won't be odd. Inviting Santa inside in June."

"It's the same letters just mixed up."

"An anagram," Edward informed her. "When you make a new word from the same letters it's called an anagram."

"Edward, she's three. She doesn't know her ABC's yet."

"It's never too early to be brilliant," he replied. I honestly think he is convinced Lucy and Tori are far more intelligent than other kids their age. I had no idea, I don't tend to mix with many three year olds to compare.

"A B C D E F U" Lucy parroted.

"Lucy, U does not come after F," I corrected.

"Granny Renee says FU all the time," she retorted.

"That's because she is saying just the first letters of rude words. You need not copy her example," I warned.

"Okay, Mommy," Lucy said, pretending to be docile and obedient.

Edward cleared the plates from the table and I followed him into the kitchen again.

"So, what do you think Jake is up to? Asking me out on a date? It's a joke, right?"

"I think he is deadly serious, actually. He wants you to count him amongst your many admirers. I imagine you will have a lot of men to choose from. You already have Riley and Garrett and now Jacob. Do you consider any of them possible serious contenders?"

"Ask me tomorrow about Garrett but I think we can consider Jake and Riley as the also rans."

"You have no intention giving Jake a chance? Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, but he saved himself for you. It's a pretty big deal, Bella. Don't play around with his heart if you don't see him as being in the running."

"Edward Cullen wants to protect Jacob Black? From me? What am I, some Femme Fatale? When did that happen?"

"I know what it's like, don't forget. I know how he feels and he's waited a long time for his chance. Let him down gently, from Day One, if you can never see him that way. Don't use him and break his heart, Bella. It's not something that is easy to recover from."

"I do know that, Edward," I replied crossly. "You broke my heart, don't forget. As if I would put a friend through that agony."

"You broke my heart too," he replied. "I may be the bad guy here but I was broken when I behaved recklessly. I've paid, I will always pay for my crimes. It doesn't mean I didn't suffer just as much as you did. You admit knowing Lucy was on the way stopped you doing anything foolish and permanent. Have you considered why I fell so hard for the idea of having Tori in my life? I had nothing, nobody and I felt so alone. I know she is just a child but she saved me. I was so unhappy with the way my life was spiralling out of control with other women and drinking until I passed out most nights. I wasn't in a good place. Having to help Victoria through her pregnancy saved me, and Tori has been my Guardian Angel ever since her birth."

"I do understand," I admitted.

If not for Lucy, where would I be now? Possibly snorting coke with the druggies that had haunted our college, thinking they had found the answer to their varied sources of pain. I couldn't go down that road, obviously, but who knows if it would have appealed to me had I not been pregnant?

"You can't make Tori your entire focus, though, Edward. One day she will grow up and leave you."

"Mommy, can we take the kittens outside?" Lucy asked.

"Sure, I'll come with you," I replied.

Anything to teach these things the great outdoors was the best place to be.

Edward came out and started constructing a second sandbox and explained to the girls that their old sandbox had to be kept covered now, and was only for humans. The new one was a place they could allow the cats to dig and do what cats did in sand, and he would rake it clean each morning and it was not a place for them to be making mud pies.

He painted a sign saying "Cats Only" and another saying "Humans Only" and put them beside the relative box. Then he let the kittens explore their new area while he took the girls inside and showed them how they needed to thoroughly wash their hands after playing with pets.

I was glad he was doing all this, it made me less fearful that the girls would get sick from animal diseases.

My Mom had always been paranoid about 'dirty, filthy animals' so I had grown up afraid of ever touching anyone else's dog or cat, but I knew intellectually the cats would not be harmful if we all followed common sense cleanliness rules.

And I had read pet ownership taught children responsibility and all sorts of wonderful things.

I just didn't want to ever touch the creatures myself and we would find a system of getting along.

"Do you want to hold Samantha?" Tori asked me, holding out the cat in question.

The last thing I wanted to do was alienate this little girl who was so accepting of me, so I took a deep breath and accepted the kitten.

It felt okay, soft, warm, and it had big eyes that appealed to me like a baby's would.

"Oh God, it's licking me," I muttered under my breath, feeling the little sandpaper tongue.

Edward was awfully amused and he sat down beside me and patted the kitten's head.

"Oh look, Mommy Bella loves the little kitty. I bet she wishes she had let me buy Snow White for her now."

"Hilarious, Edward. Remind me to get my Mom's Thai food recipe for your birthday dinner party."

Tori went to see what Lucy was doing, no doubt sure it would be something interesting, and probably not allowed.

"It's Tori's birthday soon. It will be the first party she remembers, probably. I want to have an all out party with clowns and a jumpy castle and everything little kids like. I know I only narrowly missed Lucy's third birthday. Could we do them a combined party?"

"With a clown?" I swallowed nervously. Suddenly the kittens were positively appealing, compared to those horrid scary painted faced things that filled my nightmares as a kid.

Not that they were far from my bad dreams even now.

"It will be fun," he promised, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me to his side.

"You can do this for the girls. Look how you like the kitties now? You just have to face up to these challenges, Bella. Clowns are not scary. Tori loves them and I know Lucy's favorite book is Clancy the Clown. God knows I've read it a hundred times. She knows every word in the book. The other night I was so tired I tried skimming and missing a few pages and she made me start from the beginning again."

"Mom bought that book. I've managed to get to page four but once the thing gets in the little car...just no. Okay, here's the deal. I let you do the party but if you ever want to take the girls to the circus, you rope in Esme or Emmett to go with you and I get a day at a health spa or something. Maybe a bar, so I can drink to forget where you are."

"Bella, you crack me up," he laughed and kissed the top of my head.

"Yoo Hoo, Bella Swan, we need to have a quick word with you," Alice called as she and Rose walked into our backyard.

"Save me," I pleaded.

Edward stood up and took the kitten from my arms and went to help the girls dress the cats in dolls clothing, smirking at me.

"Hey, you agreed to date, now you get to pay the price," he grinned as the two torturers descended.

"We have hours. Hours and hours. It's one o'clock," I pointed out as they came closer with their instruments. Blow dryer, hair straightener.

"Calm down, these are for later. We just need to make sure you know the facts of life when it comes to dating," Alice replied.

"Come inside, and we will reveal all the secrets of a successful dating experience," Rose said and I walked inside to my certain doom.

EPOV

My phone buzzed and I glanced at the screen. Jasper. I knew Bella was talking to Alice on her own phone so I answered, curiously wondering what was going on. After the two hour chat the women had together earlier, I didn't see what was left for them to talk about.

"So, Edward. Rose and Alice had this idea. We'd like to spend some time with our nieces and were wondering if you would bring them over. I think Emmett just wants someone to play with myself, so he can bring out his Lego and dollies."

"What?" I laughed. This was strange. Even for my brothers.

"Yeah, he wants to have a tea party and play dress-ups, you must remember how he loved wearing Mom's clothes when we were kids."

"You want the girls to come play, okay fine. Are Bella and I invited to this play date?"

"Um, no. We don't need you two and I believe Bella has plans. Decorating plans. I hate to tell you but she hates your bedroom and wants it painted and prettied up."

"But it's my bedroom and she rarely comes inside it. Why does she want to paint it?"

"Edward, I'm just following orders. Rose and Alice talked to Bella earlier, she asked them to do this, I'm doing what I was told to. That's all I know, I swear."

Bella walked outside, without her phone and stood by the door.

"Bella, my brothers want us to leave the girls with them for the afternoon so we can paint. Is that okay?"

"Great idea," she nodded. "Tori, Lucy, come inside and get cleaned up."

The three females disappeared and I shook my head.

"It appears Bella likes this idea. I'm sure the kittens will stand a chance of surviving another day if they get to have some sleep in their cages and are not dressed like babies all day long. Okay, I'll bring the kids over."

Rose and Alice were standing back, as Emmett opened the back door and lifted Tori out, and Jazz took Lucy.

"Say Goodbye to Daddy. He will be back later and we are going to have so much fun together. Auntie Rose has made banana splits and I might even leave one for you two to share if you are good," Emm promised.

"I want a whole one for myself," Lucy protested. She had inherited Bella's appetite. "Please Uncle Emm," she added belatedly.

"Emmett, I'll give you a tip," I said. "Never stand between food and Lucy."

He shivered. "Understood. Remember that time I stood between Bella and the pies at Halloween? Not pretty."

I laughed and waved to my girls.

"See you later. Be good. I'll be back as soon as Mommy Bella and I have finished painting."

Driving home I wondered what color my room was about to become. Bella must have bought the paint and whatever furnishings. I liked the curtains I already had but it was never smart to argue with the ladies. They knew best.

I parked and went inside, taking off my good shirt and heading to my bedroom to change.

I didn't see Bella anywhere but as I walked into my room, she was sitting on my bed.

In lingerie.

Okay, I did not see this coming.

She held out a hand and I sat beside her.

"Okay, Edward, I'm just going to say this, please just listen with an open mind."

"Okay," I replied.

Did she want my opinion on what to wear to seduce Garrett if the date went well? I would give this black lace concoction a nine out of ten, as I tried to subtly adjust myself. Bella was smiling at my reaction, so I guess words would not be necessary.

"Sorry, what can I say? It's been a while," I stated.

"No, this is good," she replied. "Rose and Alice explained the rules of dating to me and I have this problem. I want you to help me out with it."

"Okay," I replied, confused where this was going.

"Apparently, it's almost a rule that you sleep with your ...suitor...on the third date."

"You haven't been on the first date yet," I reminded her.

"Oh good, I'm glad you agree that last night was not a date. I'm not dating Garrett until tonight, right?"

"Yes, Bella. So, where is this going?

"Edward, I told you I haven't ever slept with anyone but you, right?"

I nodded, looking away. I didn't want her reading my eyes at this point.

"After Lucy was delivered, I had been cut and I also tore, and so I had a lot of stitches."

"Yes, you said, and you also said it kept you on the straight and narrow and put you off sex." Remember that, Bella? This is a good thing. No sex for you. Too risky.

"So, seeing as you were the only one I've been with, I wondered if you would help me out and do the relievingmeofmyvirginityagain?" she said in a rush, blushing madly.

"Relieving you of your virginity? I believe I did that already. A long time ago."

"Yes, but because of the...changes...I feel kind of like a virgin again and I want you to ...have sex...with me now and make sure I work...it works...you know what I mean?"

She looked really uncomfortable and embarrassed.

"You want me to sleep with you so you will know everything is in working order for your third date with Garrett, even though you haven't been on the first date yet?"

"Once I go out with him tonight, if he asks me out again, then we will be dating, and me sleeping with you while I was dating him would be cheating, right?"

"I guess so," I replied, getting the picture at last. "So this is a one off deal? We sleep together and I give you your roadworthy certificate and you can then fuck him with confidence."

"Yeah. Is that okay? If you hate the idea..."

"I don't know what I think. I dream about sleeping with you but not like this. Not knowing all I am doing is preparing you for someone else."

"So, that's a no?" she said, tearfully, picking at my bed cover nervously with her fingers.

"Did Rose and Alice seriously think this would be a good idea?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"Rose said any man would be happy to oblige. Alice said it was a slippery slope but could work out for the best in the end."

"Bella, I'm sorry. I have to say no. Not that I wouldn't love to sleep with you again, but not like this."

"I understand. It's okay. I guess if I explain everything to Garrett, he will be gentle and take it slow," she said with a sigh.

"You are not obligated to sleep with anyone you don't want to, third date or otherwise," I pointed out. My pants were comfortable again, her request had the same effect as a bucket of cold water.

"I knew this was wrong and selfish to ask. I don't know why I let them talk me into it."

"Bella, I've experienced two types of sex. Sex with you where love was involved, and we had an incredible connection. And sex with Victoria where I just wanted to break our connection and be free of you to start anew and have fun. It was fun but it was empty and meaningless and pretty much soul destroying. I tried to force some feelings for her, pull them out of mid air, and I kidded myself the sex would start things off and she and I would connect. It didn't happen. My advice to you is to feel the connection first. Ignore the third date rule. If you want to sleep with Garrett tonight, then do it. If it takes a few more dates or a lot more dates, do yourself a favor and wait until it's what you want. Believe me, anything but love is not worth it."

"I guess you are right. I am just scared it might be bad and hurt and spoil things when that time comes."

"If Garrett loves you, he will understand and make an effort to make things comfortable and right for you as well as him. Don't just sleep with him because you think it's inevitable and has to happen to keep him. Wait until you have feelings for him, and he has them for you, then believe me, it won't matter if it's not perfect the first few times. I'm sorry I can't be unselfish enough to do this for you but I know if I slept with you, things would become really complicated."

"Why? I wasn't going to tell anyone."

"Because Bella, I still love you. I know you think there's too much evidence to the contrary and I know you will never understand why I slept with Vic, and to be honest, sometimes I wonder myself. I was in a bad place. I'd lost you, you didn't seem to even care that we were done. I was heart broken and building my walls into place. She was there, and willing, and it seemed like a short cut. Sleep with someone new and I would be able to exorcise you from my soul. It didn't work and I moved on and you know everything just got worse and I ended up feeling like a whore.

I was at rock bottom when Victoria knocked on my door and asked me to pay for her abortion.

I saw the baby as my saviour. I played a role that would convince Vic there could be something between us if she had the baby and eventually she gave in.

I used her again.

I'm not a good person. If you were smart, you would stay away from me."

Bella blinked rapidly, turning her face from me and stood up, awkwardly embarrassed and tugging at the scrap of black lace as if that would make it longer.

"I should go," she mumbled, and ran from my bedroom.

I sat there for a long time, feeling torn and conflicted and wondering if I had just thrown away my very last chance to ever be inside Bella. It was definitely something I wanted to do, but seriously? I mean, had anyone said she would ask me for sex and I would refuse, I would have thought they were crazy. But I guess there really is a situation where being inside her would be wrong, and I was pretty sure I had made the right call.

My dick ached and said otherwise, and cursed me out.

I picked up my phone and called Rosalie. I don't think I have ever used her number before.

"Hello? Edward?" she said, excitedly. "No thanks necessary. You did that pretty fast though, I kind of expected you two to be at it for hours."

"Rose, how could you even think that would be a good idea?" I growled. "You really think I want to prepare her for other men? What are you smoking?"

"Edward, I just wanted to return her to your bed. We figured once she slept with you, the date would be off and you two would make up and get married and be proper parents to these little girls. The judge would look favourably upon you if you had a wife and another child. He would see Tori was already part of a proper family and he'd never hand her to that woman instead of you. She just has lovers, you would have a real place for your daughter."

"You are saying I should do this for Tori? Use Bella to keep Tori? You don't think that's a little cold and manipulative?"

"I would if it wasn't obvious to a blind man how much you two love one another and should be together," she cried back. "You know once she starts dating, she will open her eyes and realise there are other paths she could take. We want you two to reconcile. We all want that, Edward. Your parents, her parents... I'm sorry if we put you in a bad position but somebody has to do something before she goes off in another direction because she doesn't know you are an option. She honestly has no idea that you love her. She thinks you are trying to give her away, to Garrett or someone else, because you don't want her back. Say something."

"I have said something. She knows how I feel now. The ball is in her court."

"Oh. I have to go, in case she calls us. I'm sorry."

I disconnected the call and lay back on my bed. There was no way I could relax so I grabbed my keys and headed for the paint shop. To be honest, I really did hate beige.

I don't know why suddenly all white appealed but I stopped on the way home and bought new bedding. I could have reclaimed the white frilly set from Charlie but it was too feminine for my taste so I chose a soft silky white set with a self stripe of white on white and took my purchases home, and painted my bedroom.

At some point, I heard Bella bring the girls home and she fed them their dinner while I worked. Tori and Lucy both looked into my doorway and I shooed them away.

The room looked different, I'll say that much.

I showered and then did the girls baths as I heard Rose in Bella's room, getting her ready for her date.

I was lying on Lucy's bed with a girl on each side when Bella came in to say Goodnight.

She looked amazing. She avoided eye contact and held the girls in her arms for a long time before kissing their faces and letting them go.

I just hoped she thought my advice worthy of consideration, and waited.

"Goodnight, Edward," she said softly, turning to go.

"Goodnight, Bella. I hope you ...have fun."

Or not.


	10. Chapter 10

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 11

BPOV

Humiliating as that had been, I came out of Edward's room with my head full of confusion. The revelation he still loved me was confusing as Hell. Maybe everyone else was right and could see the truth and I was the blind one now. But why had he introduced me to Garrett if he wanted me for himself?

Nope, they were wrong. Edward didn't want me.

If I still loved him I would make an effort to keep every female under seventy out of his sight. I wouldn't be setting him up with possible future romantic dates.

But he said he still loved me.

Somehow that made everything worse, because if he still loved me now, and he still loved me back then, when he was with her...

Why would you do that?

Nothing would have made me sleep with another guy when I loved Edward. In fact, every time someone asked me out on a date after Lucy was born, I felt that thing in my chest. You know the thing. The 'I would never cheat on the man I love' thing.

Asking me out was like asking me to climb Mount Everest. I could maybe do it but why would I want to? I knew others did it and enjoyed it but me, allowing another pair of arms around me?

I am only doing this with Riley and Garrett and anyone else who asks because I can't have back what I had and what I want again.

I want Edward again.

He warned me he would not be good for me, but maybe...

My phone buzzed.

"Hey Garrett," I answered. "No, I am not thinking of standing you up. Why would I do that? I agreed to a date and a date we shall have. Bye. Yeah, see you tonight."

I heard the front door slam as I peeled off the black lace. God knows why I listen to that pair.

Maybe because I was impatient to feel Edward moving inside me again.

I felt a surge of hope in my belly and ignored the response my body was having at the memory of how amazing sex had been between us when we were at High school. He used to walk up behind me in the schoolyard and say a single word and I would be wishing it was night and we were in his bed or mine and he was inside me, kissing my face, touching my back, holding me close while he made love to me.

Goddammit.

I thought I had hidden all those feelings and suffocated them to death.

I should have just been honest and told him I missed him too much and I wanted to get over myself and forget what I saw and be his again.

If he rejects me then so be it.

Suddenly I wanted the date over so I could have some time alone to sort out the confusion of thoughts in my head. Garrett really didn't interest me but I had been raised to be polite and I would go out with him and make sure he knew I was using him to make Edward jealous.

Of course that was what I was doing, no matter how much I denied it.

Same with Riley. Like I would have looked at him twice if Edward hadn't been there watching.

It's stupid and childish to want to hurt him and now I know I already had done that, I would stop the crap and be good.

Jake was a whole different story. I really have never seen Jake as a contender and that isn't going to change. He is my friend, nothing more. I have to handle him with kid gloves, though. I was surprised Edward wanted to protect Jake because I was pretty sure Jake only wanted to hurt Edward.

No matter what Jake says, he will always be years younger than Edward, in every way. He has a lot of growing up to do.

The whole keeping his virginity for me thing was awkward as fuck. I was hardly going to sleep with him just so he could move on, because I didn't want him.

Rose arrived and started the torture and I stopped her as she tried to put heated rollers into my hair.

"This so called date is not going to happen like you may think. I'm not into Garrett and never will be. Think of dinner with a friend, and only make me look like that. No seductress eyes or any of that crap, Rose. And I'm wearing the red dress."

"The one that says I just grabbed the first thing in my closet and I don't care to make an effort to impress you?" she replied.

"Exactly. And Rose, just so you know. I'm wearing flats."

"Egads, it is pointless," she said, brushing my hair and just pinning the sides back.

"Then, I suggest we have a drink and forget the fancy stuff so your hair isn't at odds with your outfit."

We had a drink or three and she left so I fed the girls and put on my red dress. It's perfectly adequate. Nobody needs to be imagining I'm out to seduce them tonight and this dress says 'let's be friends'.

Garrett appeared to be the perfect gentleman and in that way, he reminded me of Edward as he opened his passenger door and helped me out. The restaurant was upper class and I hoped I was dressed up enough to fit in.

Garrett took the menu with the prices down the side column and I got the one without, which always makes me uncomfortable. For all I knew, I could be ordering a meal that cost him a weeks wages.

I had prepared myself for this first date and gobbled up all the leftovers from dinner before coming out so I chose a seafood salad. I had no idea how much it would cost but he didn't flinch and he ordered the same for himself, asking the waiter to add a nice juicy steak to the side.

Surf and Turf.

If he stayed part of our group, he would soon find out that was my favourite meal too.

"So, Bella. You look amazing. I love you in red, it suits you."

"I always thought blue was more my color," I confessed. Edward had always become a little more passionate if I wore blue around him.

Blue was our thing.

Blue meant 'you don't even have to ask, the answer is yes'.

Luckily Garrett had a million stories about his most beloved countries to visit and he told me he knew one day he would settle down and live in Africa.

"Really? With lions and other man eaters?" I replied.

He laughed.

"Bella, sometimes you have to take risks. Anyway, lions don't come knocking at your door. They stay in their area and humans stay in theirs and rarely the two shall meet, You are more likely to get run over. Some of the natives are insane drivers.

Speaking of crazy drivers,have you ever been to Italy? Look up 'Italian Road Rules'. You will get back 'this subject has no matches. Do you mean Italian Road Rage?' I swear, you take your life in your hands over in Italy."

"Let's see, have I been to Italy?" I pondered. "Oh wait, it's not in Forks or Seattle so I can say no, I haven't. I have never travelled."

"Would you like to?" he asked me.

"Sure. I like the idea of Africa but it's no place to raise a child. Just my opinion. Lucy would spend her days tormenting lions until one did eat her."

"So, you brought Edward's other daughter home to him. I guess he got around a bit. Are there others? Does he have any sons?"

"I don't believe so. He's not like it sounds, actually. I was his only girlfriend until we...broke up...about four years after we got together. Four years is a pretty decent relationship. Then he met Victoria on the rebound. They weren't really a couple."

"But they had a kid together."

"Sometimes these things happen. He is an amazing father. He lives for his girls. He didn't know Lucy existed for the first three years of her life and now look at them. He really loves her."

"And does he love her mother?" he asked.

"I think Edward is a little confused. We didn't break up cleanly, we just... I can't really explain. We drifted apart."

"That happens. You can lose interest over time. I've only had one long term partner and we drifted apart in the end."

I didn't want to debate that point. If he wasn't going to stick to talking about himself ala Riley, maybe he would talk about his girl.

"Tell me about her."

"Well, her name is Kate and she has two wicked sisters who spent their whole lives trying to come between us and break us up. In the end, they succeeded. I warned Kate we had to move far away if we were to have any chance and she refused. She wanted to stay near her parents."

"So, what happened?"

"I went to Africa for two years and we tried doing it long distance and it fizzled. Long distance never works. You spent your life waiting for the occasional times you can be together but when that time finally happens, you end up spoiling everything anyway because you know it won't be long before you have to leave so basically it's a choice for masochists. If you don't enjoy disappointment, don't try it."

"I agree. That's what tore us apart."

"You look really sad when you talk about Edward. Tell me now if you would rather be with him, than me. I like you and enjoy your company but I have little invested in us yet so if you are pining over lost love, we could just be friends."

"I think it's the same for you. You are very tense when you mention Kate. Do you still love her?"

He frowned and bit his lip. Then he caught my grin. We were both so transparent, it seemed.

"Absolutely," he laughed. "We are quite the sad pair, are we not?"

"I don't know if things are salvageable between Edward and I. I loved him more than he loved me and it never makes things easy when it's not even on both sides. I fear it would be the same if I give in and go back to him. And I have this picture in my head that I can't erase."

"Tell me about it."

"I went to tell Edward he was going to be a father and he was...doing things with her. Victoria. I saw through the window."

"Was he in love with her?"

"No, he was just fucking her. He looked quite feral."

"Was he like that with you?"

I shook my head. "No, he was always gentle and loving."

"So, with her it was lust and with you it was love."

"He says so."

"Instead of avoiding that scene, think about it and examine it closely. Was there any love between them?"

I shut my eyes.

"No, he didn't love her."

"Then hang on to that fact only. You will never lie in bed in the middle of the night and imagine there was more between them than he said, because you saw that for yourself. Was he kissing her?"

"Roughly, not nicely," I admitted.

"Lust. Desperation. I've been there, Bella. I tried to forget Kate with many other women and I know how it feels to sleep with someone and wish to God they were somebody else. Let it go."

"You think I should try again with Edward?" I checked.

"Sure, and here's why. You still love him, in some way. If you try again with him, one of two things will happen. Either you will remember why you loved him before and be glad you tried again. Or you will recall why you broke up and drifted apart and it will be finally over and you will be able to walk away with no regrets. Either way, you will know your own heart and isn't that worth whatever you go through to get there?"

"Maybe. But we have Lucy and if he and I end up hating one another, what happens with her?"

"Why would you hate him? If you have that much passion about him, then you really do need to examine your feelings. The opposite to love is indifference. Not hate. Hate means there's passion still involved. If you feel like you can walk away and not look back and not care what he does from now on, then it is over. If you want to know if you two still have it, go home to him."

I stood up and leaned forward to kiss Garrett on the cheek.

"Thank you. For the honesty and the wake up call. I do need to know."

"But first you need to eat. It could be a long, calorie consuming night if things go your way."

"Call the waiter back, please."

"Beef and Reef?" he asked.

"Absolutely," I agreed.

After dinner, as we sat there slurping down chocolate mousse and telling one another about our 'other halves', I suddenly had a feeling.

He'd shown me the photo in his wallet, of the two of them back in happier times and the woman looked vaguely familiar. I had finally remembered who she reminded me of. I'd only met her once and had been so freaked out about Victoria being there at the time, I'd scarcely glanced at this woman.

"What does Kate do for a living?" I asked.

"Childcare. She loves kids. Other people's kids. She doesn't plan to have any of her own."

"So, she would go live in Africa, for instance?" I suggested.

"If she ever made the break away from her family."

"Where do they live?" I checked. I didn't know every single family in Forks but I had never heard of anyone named Kate here before.

"Alaska."

A vision of the scene on the chalkboard in the back room returned sharply. Snow. Skiers.

Kate had been drawing it when I took the girls to see the kitten.

"You should come to the kids school and do a talk about animals, especially ferocious ones. Lucy would love it."

He shrugged.

"No, Garrett, I mean it. The staff are really nice. Three single women. All good looking."

"I don't need you to fix me up," he laughed.

"This could be something you might enjoy. Tell you what, you come with me to school Monday and just check these ladies out from my car and if you decide any are to your taste, I will invite her to dinner at our place. Edward can cook, he's pretty good as you know."

"Okay, but if I don't like any of the three, you back off and don't keep matchmaking. Deal?"

"Deal," I agreed.

We lingered over coffee, anticipation about the rest of the night was making me want to delay longer so the reality would be all the sweeter.

EPOV

Pacing the floor, my hands in my hair, I paused and told myself to calm the fuck down. It was too early in the evening for ...anything...to be happening. I could cut my tongue out for telling Bella to sleep with Garrett tonight if she wanted to.

Maybe she didn't want to.

Maybe she did.

Maybe my rejection of her had pushed her into his bed. I should have handled things better.

I glanced at the clock again and wondered whether dinner was done yet. Bella had left me a meal in the oven so I ate it slowly to fill in time, then I made a pineapple upsidedown cake. She used to go ape over them back in the day. Mom made them for her but I had perfected the technique and knew the recipe by heart.

Lucy wandered downstairs and stood at the kitchen doorway.

"What's up, Sweetpea?"

"Where's Mommy gone?" she asked.

"She is out on a date with Garrett. You know that."

"I hope they aren't doing special hugs. He's not in our family. I don't like her going out without us."

Out of the mouths of babes.

"Mommy has lots of friends, Lucy. She loves us all best of all though," I added hopefully.

She walked into the room and climbed onto a chair, taking my acknowledging her as permission to climb up at the table. She stuck her finger into the warm, sticky cake and licked it.

"Yum. Mommy loves pineapple."

"I know that," I replied with a grin.

"I do as well you know."

"Would you like a slice? We have custard and ice cream."

"Sure, okay," she said excitedly, going to the cupboard and getting out bowls.

"Yo, Edward, what's cooking?"

Jasper and Emmett pushed their way past me, Jasper going straight to lift Lucy into his arms and Emmett honing in on the cake.

"Uncle Jasper, Mommy's gone on a date and we don't like him," Lucy confided in my brother.

"Hey, chicken, Garrett's a good guy. He will look after your Mommy."

"But he's not in this family," she growled.

"Hmm, sometimes it's good to date outside of your relatives," Emmett said with a grin. "Where's Tori?"

"Where all good girls should be. Tucked up in bed," I replied.

"Then here's hoping Bella's not a good girl," Emm stated.

"So, Edward, this is a bit of a 'you-know-what' up," Jazz said, helping Lucy with the ice cream. "The girls are ropeable, this was not mean to happen."

"Bella has a mind of her own," I reminded them, getting out more desert plates. "What are you two doing here, by the way?"

"We stupidly thought you would be pacing the floor, wearing a hole in the floorboards, worrying yourself into a state. We brought beer and cards and thought maybe you needed a distraction. We forgot Lucy would have your back."

"Lucy should be asleep in bed," I growled, realising the time. I had only seen it as three hours since Bella went out, not eleven pm.

"Let her stay up. In fact, go wake Tori," Emmett suggested.

"Leave Tori in bed. Lucy is going straight back as soon as she finishes eating."

Naturally Lucy started eating tiny bites as slowly as she could bear and we sat down and joined her. Once we were done, I put the remainder of the cake in the fridge and cleared away the dishes as Lucy put away the ice cream. I knew she was hoping to earn Brownie points to stay up later but Bella would be angry if Lucy was still up when she got home.

If she came home.

The whole sleepovers at other people's houses only might mean we wouldn't see her until morning.

"Come on, chicken. How are you at five card stud?" Jasper asked.

"I beat Grandpa Carlisle at Snap," she answered.

"Near enough. You can be in charge of the pot and count my winnings," he replied, sitting her on the table.

An hour later she still hadn't started to wilt but I had.

"Bed, Lucy. We can't have Mommy find you up and all of us asleep."

She kissed her uncles and I took her upstairs, and tucked her in.

"Good night Lucy. No coming downstairs again, okay?"

"Are you going to tell Mommy on me?" she asked, doing the big doe eyed thing.

"Not if you go straight to sleep."

"I love you, Daddy," she replied and I kissed her cheek. "I love you too, Lucy."

She rolled over and I turned out her light and checked on a sleeping Tori.

Emmett opened more beer and I decided tonight was a good night to relax and get hammered. Lucy would sleep in and anyway, it was Bella's turn to get breakfast so she had better be home to do that.

"So, did she say what time she would get home?" Jazz asked me.

"She's not my daughter, she's my...flatmate," I finally decided.

"Nope, she is your woman and as such, she shouldn't be out with other men. But then, she didn't go meet Garrett in a bar, did she? You invited him here to fall for Bella's charms and take her out. And now you are sorry."

"Of course I am," I growled. This was my punishment. No good deed goes unpunished, as they say. I drained my glass and felt slightly better so I poured another drink.

"Don't let me get drunk, I have two kids upstairs," I reminded them.

"If you do, I'll get Rosie to come babysit. Or we could call Bella and tell her it's an emergency and she has to get her butt here now."

"Because that would be such a great idea, how could it go wrong?" I snarled at him.

"Well, we need to keep them out of bed. Any bed. Maybe call her and see if she wants me to drive her home."

"Emm, you are drunk. Charlie or one of his men would lock you up."

"We could get Charlie to go arrest Garrett," Emm decided. "Then Bella would have to come home here."

I shook my head.

I lost a lot of spare change as the games progressed and I couldn't keep my mind on my hand. Then finally the front door opened and Bella walked inside, holding Garrett's hand. I was about to remind her of the no sleepovers in this house rule, when he dropped it and came to the table.

"Who's winning?" he asked.

Emm caught my eye, and pulled out a chair. "Come on, Garrett, shows us how the big boys play."

Jazz dealt him in and I handed him a beer.

"I guess I'll go to bed, then. Good night," Bella called, walking upstairs.

I hoped Lucy was asleep by now and picked up my cards.

We slowed down the drinking and poured beer into Garrett instead and by dawn, he was singing soulful songs about lost love and how his girl had run away, and I collapsed on the couch and slept.

We had achieved our goal, though.

Garrett had not made it to the staircase.

Neither had I.

x~x~X~x~x

When I awoke and headed upstairs, Bella's door was open and she was spread across her bed in a purple lace one piece thing that barely covered anything. I guessed we might all be in trouble for cock-blocking her date, but I could handle whatever abuse I copped for that caper.

I shut her door and sat down in my shower recess and let the cold water wash over me and my pounding head.

Having stripped and dried myself, I got into bed and covered my head with a pillow, and slept.

Naturally, Lucy was the one to wake me up, and in the noisiest way possible.

"Luce, go downstairs, please," I begged.

"Mom sent Tori and me up to tell you to wake up your brothers and kick them out to their own homes," she replied.

"Mommy Bella is trying to clean up all the mess," Tori added.

I staggered down and shook the guys awake as Rose pulled up and took the three fellow drunks away in her car.

"Breakfast, Edward?" Bella asked brightly, handing me a plate of fried eggs and bacon.

"No, thanks, I'm fine," I muttered , placing the plate carefully and quietly on the table.

"Drink," she said, handing me a large glass of water.

I drank, and went back up to bed, ignoring the laughter of Bella and my girls.

Turncoats.

If Lucy thought I would keep her secret after this little display of treachery...

Bella kept the girls games down to a dull roar and I realised I had to front up at work tomorrow.

After cleaning my teeth and shaving, I went downstairs and drank more water before going outside to where the girls were playing with the kittens as Bella lay on a beach towel in the weak sun, reading.

She looked up and beckoned me over, clearing a space beside her, moving her sunscreen and magazines out of the way. I lay down gratefully and slept as she read and watched the kids.

When my eyes opened next, the girls were lying in the sun on their stomachs, drawing in their books and Bella rubbed sunscreen on my pinkening body. I only had a pair of boxers on, apparently.

"Sorry about last night," I whispered, not wanting to set off the drums in my brain.

"You scuppered all my plans," she replied.

"I thought we agreed on no sleepovers in the house," I answered.

"That would not include residents, right?" she asked.

"Who lives here that you'd want to share a bed with?" I asked in confusion. She didn't encourage the girls to sleep in her bed with her and she hated the cats.

"Go back to sleep, Edward," she said, kissing my cheek.

Cats, I could smell cats.

Opening my eyes, I stared into a pair of bright blue eyes and a tongue licked my nose.

Tori ran over and grabbed the kitten up roughly and it scratched her hand.

BPOV

"Ouch, Sammy scratched me," Tori cried and Edward calmly rolled over and inspected her hand. There was blood but it was just a scratch.

He brought his daughter inside and washed the blood away in the sink and I handed him the antiseptic.

"We've got visitors," Lucy announced.

No doubt Alice and Rose were coming to interrogate me about last night's date.

"Lucy, you wait for me," I warned as the front door slammed. The hair suddenly stood up on the back of my neck. Danger.

You know how they say the end of your life happens in slow motion? It was like that. Edward was talking, comforting his daughter. I was walking towards the door, and I paused to pick up the scrawny ginger ball of fluff to take it outside, and as I approached the screen door, I saw my daughter talking to a tall black man with long dreadlocks.

Everything went misty and Edward's voice morphed and sounded like a record on the wrong speed. My feet felt like they were encased in cement.

I dropped the cat and ran.

"Lucy, no, Lucy come here," I screamed and the man turned and looked at me , grabbing at my daughter.

Emmett saved her.

He'd always picked me to be on his team when we played kick about football and he had taught me how to throw myself across the line from a distance and I used that skill to tackle my daughter to the ground.

The man let her hands go as she fell down, then jumped into his car and sped away, and all I was aware of was red hair on the driver.

Edward appeared out of nowhere, and he lifted a tearful, terrified Lucy into his arms and pulled me to my feet.

"Are you okay?" he asked , looking me over.

"I'm fine, is Lucy all right?" I screamed.

"Hey love, you are scaring her. Just calm down. Come inside."

He put his arm around my shoulders and led me into the house.

Settling us on the sofa and sitting Tori beside us, he used his phone and walked over to lock the front door.

Lucy stopped her caterwauling and let Edward wash her legs and clean the grazes on her knees with the same antiseptic he'd used on Tori.

Next thing the place was invaded by Cullens and my parents.

Charlie stood back as Carlisle examined us and pronounced us both fine. I had barely hurt Lucy but there had been no alternative in my mind, to throwing her bodily to the ground.

She was clearly angry and upset with me but how do you explain to a three year old what could have happened had I simply called to her, without freaking her out and damaging her permanently?

Edward was clearly convinced it had been Victoria at the wheel of that car and it was obvious her friend had thought he was snatching Tori, if that was the case.

Dad sat down beside me when the grandmothers took the girls onto their knees and Rose walked about, collecting kittens. Emmett's job as sports injuries practitioner was near enough to being a vet and he assured the girls that their cats were just frightened, not injured.

I couldn't have cared less about the damn kittens, I'm afraid. My daughter had almost been kidnapped. I started to shiver at what had almost happened right in front of my eyes.

EPOV

Bella explained in detail what she had seen for the third time as Charlie took notes. He wasn't Grampy Charlie now, but Chief Of Police Charlie Swan.

Bella started shaking and Rose came over with a cup of hot sweet tea and told her to drink it.

I picked her up and put her on my knee and rocked her.

"It's okay, love, you saved her. Drink your tea. Dad, do you think you should give Bella something?"

"Don't knock me out, please. I need to see the girls and know they are okay," she pleaded.

"Okay, then just relax against me and try and calm down. I'm sure Victoria just wanted to spend some time with Tori. She probably doesn't know Lucy exists and they do look so alike."

"If it was Victoria, she intended stealing your daughter," Bella growled.

"She's out of control. I don't know where she is staying, or who with," I admitted. My one conversation with her had not been pleasant.

Charlie asked me for all Victoria's details and asked Bella again about the man.

"African/American, long black dreads, horrible eyes. That's all I saw," she replied again.

"Carlisle, that man who came to our house. Laurent? Was that his name?" Mom asked. " He said he was Bella's friend so we directed him to the Police Station to talk to Charlie. He had black dreadlocks and there couldn't be two men with that hair, surely? Not in a town this small."

Carlisle sat down and reeled off a description of the man and his car.

"The trouble is, everybody here knows Bella lives with Edward. Anyone in town would think they were being friendly by telling him where she lives. Obviously Victoria knows you two live together," Dad stated. "Did you mention Bella to her at all?"

"Of course I did, she was all I talked about," I answered. Vic had always said I would never have room in my heart for her until I evicted Bella from it. I guess she would know where I was, or who I would be with, if humanly possible. She knew I would accept whatever Bella offered me, no matter how little.

Find Bella, find me.

Find me, find Tori.

By bedtime, Bella was firmly insisting she sleep with both girls in her bed. Emmett and Jasper had installed a burglar alarm and motion detectors on the stairs so nobody was getting inside or upstairs without us knowing.

"Bella, you have to let them sleep in their beds. Anything else will make them worry and wonder what is going on, " I protested. Charlie had given the girls the talk about stranger danger and told them to only go outside with one of us in future. They'd listened and seemed to understand.

Lucy was still confused as to why her mother had tackled her to the ground but she accepted it had been for her own good.

Emmett had been thrilled that his moves had saved Lucy from any trauma and he was talking about coaching kids' football next year.

He and Rose were spending the night in our guest room downstairs, just as reassurance for Bella, so we were as safe as humanly possible.

"Maybe they could sleep together in one bed," she pleaded so I asked Lucy if she wanted to spend the night in the Princess Room. She jumped up and took her pillow into Tori's bed and I settled them down and locked the kittens away in their cages so they didn't set off the alarms.

Bella stood at the door and bit her lip.

"Come on. My bed or yours?" I asked.

"Yours, please Edward,' she replied and I took her to bed with me. Not how I had hoped, but she gradually calmed and slipped into a light sleep around midnight and I kept my body wrapped around hers and held her tightly in my arms.


	11. Chapter 11

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 12

BPOV

My head pounded and my vision was shaky and unclear. It was night and we were deep in the forest and I turned at faced a tall dreadlocked man, whose face looked wrong. Oh, now he was white. His skin was no longer dark, but whiter than mine even and his mouth was a red slash and he was laughing insanely, like those clown heads you toss ping pong balls into at a fair to win a prize.

"Bella, I saved myself for you," said a voice and I turned again, and Jake stood there. His hair was cut off short, but he has never had short hair.

"What did you do to your hair?" I cried out and he shrugged.

"I'm a widower now, we always cut our hair when our partner dies."

I was confused. Jake had been married?

I felt something move in my arms and looked down.

I had a baby?

The blanket was warm and blue and I smiled and peeled it back to see the baby's face.

A kitten stared back at me and I dropped it, blanket and all, to the ground.

"Who's dead?" I heard Lucy ask and I started searching for her.

She stood at the edge of a pool of water and was looking into it's depths and her reflection stared back at her. Then she stirred the water with a stick and her reflection didn't change as the water broke into a swirl of concentric circles as little waves spread out across the pond. Her reflection laughed as she frowned and hit out.

"No Lucy, that's Tori, don't hurt her," I pleaded, trying to pull the other child from the pond, but her hand was out of my reach.

"That's not Tori, this one is Tori," Edward said, standing at my side. He gazed at the child I'd thought was Lucy and held her hand tightly.

"Don't you want my baby?" he questioned, looking sadly at the blue blanket on the forest floor.

"It's a kitten, not a baby," I replied and he leaned down and opened the blanket.

It was a baby and he picked it up.

"We should go, Tori, she doesn't want us," he said and they walked away, into the mist.

"I do want you, Edward. I love you," I screamed but nothing came out of my mouth and I felt myself falling into the pond.

The clowns laughed and my leg jerked as I tried to save myself.

"Hey, are you okay?" Edward asked, reaching over to turn the bedside light on.

"The clowns and the water and the kitten baby," I babbled. "I do want the kitten baby."

"Bella, it was just a dream," he said, sitting up and pulling me against his chest."The cats are fine. You are probably traumatised and still in shock. Everyone's fine. I checked on the girls and they are asleep and the kittens are in their cages."

"And the baby?" I asked, rubbing my stomach.

He laughed. "Bella, I'm good but not that good. We haven't done anything that could have led to a baby," he replied, then he frowned. "You and Garrett, you didn't...?"

"Of course not," I growled, waking up at last. "It was just a nightmare. I hate those fucking clowns and Jake cut his hair."

"Okay," he said, puzzled.

"Edward, it made no sense at all, forget it."

He smiled and stroked my hair with his hand and kissed my forehead.

"I love you, too, Bella."

"Too? Okay," I stuttered. What the fuck had I said?

"You are so tense, let me calm you down," he offered and I immediately assumed the position. Exams in High School used to freak me out and Edward did this massage technique back then that made my muscles collapse and feel like soft butter left in the sun.

I lay face down and he moved to between my ankles and started on my calf muscles, kneading and rubbing until they relaxed, then he worked on my knees.

My pajama pants were in the way and getting tight on my thighs as he worked his magic up my leg so I quickly considered my options. I was lying face down, all he would be able to see was my butt and he had seen it plenty of times before.

"Wait," I begged and slid my pants off and kicked them from the bed.

Edward paused and breathed in deeply, then started pulling and molding the muscles on my butt until I started to feel uncomfortable. It didn't hurt but his massaging was causing my lower lips to rub together and lighting a fire between my legs.

"Back, do my back," I pleaded and his hands moved higher, massaging my waist and then my back and shoulders and I felt him hover above me as he straddled my body on his knees.

Then he worked on my neck that felt like it contained a dozen small boulders and he eased them away.

I sighed contentedly and rolled over without thinking.

I suddenly realised the position we were in and my eyes flew open. Edward held my gaze and started stroking my face, across my forehead and down my nose and over my cheeks.

"Relax, Bella," he murmured but he didn't look that relaxed himself.

I tried to concentrate on his face as well but out of the corner of my ever inquisitive eyes, I could see the tenting of his boxers.

I mean, he was practically shoving it in my face.

I closed my eyes and felt him shift so he was straddling my waist and he lightly ran his hands across my breasts as he worked my shoulders at the front.

Accidental feather soft touches against my nipples. That wasn't helping the heat that was building up between my thighs and I rubbed my legs together tightly.

His hands landed squarely on my breasts and he leaned in and kissed my mouth.

"Bella, Baby, I want you so badly," he whispered.

"Mmmm," I replied, nodding. Shut up, I don't care what anyone else thinks. Maybe this is wrong, but at this moment, all it feels is so right. I could hear Alice and Rose debating this in my head. Alice was for me pushing Edward away and going to my own cold and empty bed and making us both wait until we reconnected. Just her saying we would was enough for me.

"Shut up, Alice," I hissed and I heard Edward chuckle.

"Is she telling you to be good, because we could be so good together," he whispered in my ear.

Rose was crossing her arms and tapping her foot. "_Is this a good idea, Bella? I thought we were going to make him work for it? Oh, forget it, just fuck him, you will be back together soon anyway."_

Permission from Rose.

Edward moved his body down further.

His hands slid down my torso and he paused at my mound and started stroking across it, making the fire flare up and burn brightly.

"Edward," I moaned as my legs parted.

"God, Bella. Maybe we should wait..."

"Edward!" I growled.

I felt his lips on my mound and I arched to meet them.

"I love you, so much," he murmured and next thing something amazing happened.

Edward's head was between my thighs and his tongue...

My God.

My entire world disappeared as his tongue slowly licked between my folds and paused as it reached my clit.

"Again," I moaned, clutching at the bedsheets. My legs were fully splayed but even then, I wanted them to open wider.

Edward's hands were parting my labia and his face was buried inside. God, that tongue.

He licked again, slowly, dragging it from my center that was pulsing with need, to my clit, that was clapping and falling back in ecstasy. Why had we never done this before? Fuck me, I think I would have walked from SeattleU to NYU if he had ever done this to me earlier. I would have become a waitress or a homeless person, just to be in his bed every night.

Making love had always been amazing but how the fuck did I not know we could do this?

"Bella, you taste...incredible," he moaned.

Words, who needed words? I placed my hands on his head and pushed him closer.

The licking, just do the licking...

He moved faster, moaning and clawing at my ass as he lifted me to his mouth, like a man dying of thirst suddenly finding an oasis and filling his mouth with nectar.

"Bellaaaa," he moaned, shaking his head as his tongue flattened against my nub and made my body shake with the surge of electric current that shot from him through me.

Just when I thought I was about to melt, he sucked in my nerve bundle and softly bit down.

"Edward!" I screamed as my body pulsed and my ears were deafened by the pounding of my heart as the blood rushed around my system faster.

I held his hair in my fists and kept his face right there as I shuddered against him and felt him move slightly and lick my core.

He burrowed down and licked harder and swallowed noisily.

"My God, ambrosia, Bella, you taste ...there are not words..."

My body fell back as my bones turned to jello. My entire self was just a beating, pulsing mass of rubber.

Edward moved up and kissed me, with all the love and desperation he had ever expressed in the past. His hands were around my torso, on my back, holding me so close I felt like we were merging and morphing into one person. I could feel his rock hard length against my belly and I wanted it inside. Now.

"Don't hurt my Mommy," a small angry voice broke the spell.

"Lucy," I cried in agony, and Edward echoed in exasperation.

"Go back to bed, sweetie," I begged.

She burst into tears and Edward rolled off me and hit the mattress hard as he lay facedown and pulled a pillow over his head.

I grabbed the sheet and covered my naked whore legs and sat up, feeling for my pj pants with my toes.

Lucy picked them up and handed them to me and I tried to act like the silly things fell off me all the time.

"They need new elastic, " I muttered as I drew them up.

Edward reached out a hand and entwined his fingers in mine.

"You were yelling, you woke me up," she protested, crawling onto my lap. "Can I sleep in here?"

I released his hand and scooped her up and reluctantly left Edward's room.

"Tell me a story," my daughter pleaded as I lay in her bed beside her. I couldn't think of a single story that didn't include the Prince's head buried between the Princess's thighs.

I grabbed a book and turned on her nightlight.

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl named Cinderella..."

Fuck the glass slipper, he could keep it if he just did that thing with his tongue...

X~x~X

EPOV

" I do want you, Edward. I love you," Bella shouted into the night. She had been moving restlessly, shaking her head, crying out mixed up words that made no sense at all but these did.

She clung to my body and I felt myself harden. Shit.

She declares she loves me and instantly I want to cement the reunion properly. Very romantic, Edward.

I couldn't help it, my entire night had been full of dreams and every dream had been as real as the things I dreamt about had been once.

The first time Bella took me into her mouth...

The first time I entered her warm, eager body...

The million and one times that followed as we made love, not for any length of time at first, but then, we had compensated for our lack of endurance by doing it over and over, repeatedly.

In time, we learned to sync ourselves, and I learned to hold off until she fluttered around me, then I would relax and let go and fill her.

As I suspected, the sheets on my side were tacky and damp. Clearly Dream Bella and I had reunited in the way Real Bella and I had yet to do.

She awoke slowly, confused, rubbing her belly. I wished there was a baby inside her. I wanted to be there for every second as our new baby grew and I got to look after my Bella.

She was tense and the only thing I could think of was to offer her a massage, seeing she would probably reject anything else. Or think of Garrett while I touched her.

I felt myself soften at that thought.

She denied the idea so dismissively when I asked if he had been inside her, I knew it was the truth.

Her body felt exactly as it had before and I wanted to touch every inch, not just the 'good bits' as Em labeled them. I was doing fine then Bella pulled off her pajama pants and suddenly I had a semi naked Bella beneath me and she was radiating heat from her core as I worked.

Fuck me, I was as hard as an iron bar again.

"Dead puppies, walking in on the parents having sex, come on, give me something to work with here."

She flipped over and I almost took her eye out with my shaft. Having it that close to her mouth...

I shifted down and started massaging her shoulders and found my hands had started their own path, somehow meeting in the middle of her torso, forcing me to lightly graze her pink nipples that were lit up like beacons, guiding me home.

Suddenly all pretense was gone and I molded my hands around her breasts and kneaded them instead. Breasts have muscles beneath them, they could be tense and need relief too.

My mouth revealed my unsecret secret, and I crooned how much I wanted her.

She was talking in her head to the cockblockers but she smiled and I knew I was in.

Yes!

Alice and Rose had given permission.

Or been sent to the corner to turn away and not watch if they didn't like what was going to happen. Who cared?

Her aroma changed as Bella became wetter and more turned on and I had an overwhelming desire to taste her. I had never expected to want to do this but it was Bella and it was something we had never done before and we needed a new start.

I had hoped for more words, or at least those same words spoken out loud when she was awake, but whatever.

Bella loves me and I love Bella and nothing will stop us making love tonight.

That first lick, not even hesitant, revealed what I had been missing. She tasted like...God knows. Nothing of this Earth. Maybe Heaven tasted like this.

Her begging for more just made my erection more painful so I had to do this properly and deserve my reward. That way I could justify rushing into a physical start we probably were not yet really ready for.

Fuck me, how could I even think that? I was more than ready and she was my Bella and I had to claim her back. Knowing that my enemy, Jake, had featured in her dream, or was it her nightmare? I hoped she would never consider him a contender. Only he knew her back then and really understood her and knew how amazing she was. Riley and Garrett were just reacting to her beauty, Jake and I knew her inner soul.

But she was mine, she didn't want him when she was awake and she had admitted she wanted and loved me in her sleep.

Bella loves me.

That's all I need, I tell myself but my body argues.

_It's been years, Edward, and you slipped up, don't forget. You need to make her yours again and be hers. You need to let go of the regret and mistakes of your past and keep yourself only for her, from this day forward._

_I need to marry her._

_But it seems the honeymoon comes first._

Somehow I manage to bring her over the edge with my mouth despite my lack of experience and skills, and she is holding my face against her as she shudders and screams in ecstasy.

We still have it. I get a taste of her juices as they leave her core and I have to have more and more so I burrow in and suck her clean. She gives me everything and I swallow it down and suddenly understand how come she always swallowed while the others spat.

Somehow love just makes everything sweeter, and makes you want to keep everything offered and take it inside your own body.

I'm so hard I hurt and I move up and claim her lips, trying to keep it sweet but the anticipation of what we are about to do makes me desperate.

God, I love this girl more than my own life. I always loved her more than she loved me but she wants me and loves me, and maybe we will never be even but who cares? I can live with being the one always at her mercy. This time I will stay at her side and make it work. Even if she rejects me at any point, I will refuse to go. Emmett will have to rip of my limbs and burn me on a bonfire to make me ever leave Bella again.

My erection grazes against her belly and she arches and opens up her sacred place where no other man has ever been and all I can feel is grateful that she never did the whore chase I had done. She was always the better of us, and the fact she is letting me back after what I have done blows me away.

I'm already thrusting, seeking her entrance and...

God.

The child.

The proof positive of our love is standing there, crying and I know I just lost my advantage. A minute ago nobody else existed in Bella's world, now the competition has wandered into our bedroom and she's gone. Not physically, yet, but mentally.

I reach out to hold Bella's hand and assure her, it is love and it will be patient and kind and it will wait. This may not happen tonight, but it will happen.

I flop onto the bed and she mutters about her pants falling off, but it was always a problem we had to contend with back then. None of her clothing ever seemed to stay on. It was like she was a magnet that suddenly changed poles and rejected those coverings.

At least her top was still in place, more or less. I'm not sure it was designed to be pulled up to her throat but at least she isn't naked in front of the child.

She takes the kid and leaves and I feel my seed flow from my body uninterrupted. In my head I'm inside her and I thrust against the mattress as the door closes.

"Bella," I cry as my life force pounds from me.

X~x~X

BPOV

Lucy stubbornly decides she can 'never sleep again' and she is worried that Edward had hurt me and made me scream out in distress.

"Sweetie, he was making me so happy I forgot to keep quiet. You will understand when you are older. Sometimes you scream in pain or fear and sometimes you scream because you are so happy you don't know another way to tell someone how much you love them and how much they mean to you."

"Don't go out without us again," she growled. "I don't like Garrett. He isn't my Daddy or Tori's Daddy so he isn't in this family."

"Lucy, I am allowed to have friends," I reply. I sincerely hope my dating days are over and that Edward will just allow me back where I was before, in his heart and in his bed.

Sure, I'm sure this would be too soon and unwise and doomed to failure but I will never leave him again. Carlisle will have to amputate my body from his to make me ever leave.

" I want to be a flowergirl. I want you to marry Daddy," she decides. Suddenly I can see the upside of marriage. It had seemed like a pointless mockery before, I was sure no mere band of gold could hold two people together but now I can see it's not like that at all. The two people stay because they want to, the ring is just the symbol.

But will Edward ever trust me enough to ask me to marry him again?

He had already put himself out there once and been rejected. I'm not sure I would ever have the courage to ask again if I were him.

Then I realise, maybe it is my turn to ask. Maybe I have to put myself out there. Okay, asking him to re-deflower me had not worked but I know he would have been happy to come back inside me a few minutes ago.

I'm keen to get back into his bed but I hear him grumble as he walks past the doorway, his sheets bundled in his arms. So, he had finished without me. Again. I had felt his body stream beside me when I first started to leave the nightmare and it had only turned my confusion to something else. A desire to have him inside when he came again.

God how I miss feeling that. It always felt like the completion of our joining of souls. I had something, some part of him, even as we went off to our respective homes and classes and whatever kept us apart for a time. I loved knowing I was damp from his juices.

Then he hit the mark and left his child inside me.

For the first time since I felt my body tear as she was born, I actually want to do that again. The birthing, not the tearing. I want another baby, another child of his.

I want the pregnancy that begins like Lucy's should have, filled with love and hope and anticipation. I want him folded around me, holding his child through my skin, feeling her kick.

I want the look he had for Tori, directed at my baby.

I want him to feel like he found God again as she leaves my body and I want his kiss on my lips as she draws her first breath.

But this time I want it all in the right order.

I want us to grow close again, then make love. Waiting until after marriage is a bridge too far, that will never happen.

Then I want the declarations and the shiny ring.

Then the wedding, and the amazing honeymoon where we get to reconnect in every way, and revel in our love.

Maybe we can come home pregnant. That would be okay. A honeymoon baby. They happen.

And I shall push Baby Cullen from my body into his waiting arms,and he will love me again like he did before, only even moreso.

Lucy has slipped into dreamland again, maybe because I stopped reading before Cinders even got to the ball.

Her little body is warm and comforting and I suddenly know she was sent to keep us from going that last step.

It's not time.

Love and lust together, Bella. They need to be even, not love overwhelmed by lust.

My body is happy and satisfied and I shut my eyes and remember Edward between my legs.

This time the dream is much nicer than the earlier one and I clutch Lucy's spare pillow to me.


	12. Chapter 12

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 13

BPOV

I smacked my lips together and stretched, for some reason I felt amazingly refreshed and contented this morning. I rolled over and faced my sleeping daughter and smiled at the memory of last night. Oh, it did happen, right? I couldn't cope if that was just a dream. Nope, my lady parts were happy and contented and I could practically feel them purr.

"Edward," I gasped as his arms reached into the bed and lifted me out. "What are you doing?"

He smirked and leaned in to kiss me, kicking the door to Lucy's room shut behind us. As he lay me onto my bed, I laughed like a naughty child and grabbed his arms, pulling him in with me. He pulled the sheet over us and lay beside me, kissing my throat.

"That was almost the most awesome night of my life," he whispered.

"Well, I win then, because it was the most awesome night of mine," I replied. "How come you never did that to me before? Who taught you to do that, I need to send her a Thank You card."

"Then send it to me because I've never done it before," he grinned. "Was it really that good? Did it turn you into jello?"

That was our measure, back in the day. My legs had to turn to jello for him to get a ten out of ten.

"Umm, let's see, I think you got a twenty five out of ten," I decided and he kissed me gently, his hands reaching under my top.

"Talk to me Bella. Are we back? I want us to be back so badly."

"Okay, here is the plan," I answered. "We date, seeing apparently it's what new couples do, and in time, yes, we will be back. We can't just jump right back to where we were. Scratch that, I don't ever want to be where we were by the ending. But we have to be sensible and make this work and make us last this time. We have two little girls who need us to get it right and not fuck up."

"Don't say fuck," he moaned and moved down my body, kissing my belly and tugging on my pants.

"Edward, we are not making love until the third date. That's the rule, apparently, and this time we follow all the rules."

"Emmett and Rose are still here and I think they want to make breakfast for the girls and I believe they want us to disappear and get out of their way. We can go on a breakfast date, then a lunch date and then, boy, guess what, a dinner date and it will be our third bona fide date tonight."

"Only you and I both have to go to work today instead," I pointed out.

"Nooo, resign. We don't need to work," he howled.

"Of course we do, we aren't millionaires. Now if you intend fooling around down there, get on with it, you have fifteen minutes."

No prizes for knowing what I wanted a rerun of.

He sighed and rested his head on my belly and traced across my mound with a single finger.

"Little Bella, Little Bella, let me come in. I want to thrill you with the hair on my chinny chin chin."

He positioned himself between my legs and his tongue went to work. I reached up and grabbed the ultra thick continental quilt and arranged it so nobody, meaning Lucy, would ever know Edward was here, should she enter this room

Oh God, I opened my legs wider and breathed in deeply. For a second timer, he was amazing. I can't pretend to know if this gets even better with practice but we will be finding out.

A knock sounded at my door and I reached a hand downwards and grabbed Edward's hair, stilling him.

"Yes?" I called out, wishing the damn doors in this house had locks. Edward would be amending that later tonight.

"Hey Bells, Rosie is making pancakes and wants to know if you want any? You know how amazing her pancakes are," Emmett called, opening my door.

"Amazing," I stuttered as Edward craftily used just the tip of his tongue across my clit and made me want to fall back and urge him on to do that harder, over and over again. But I couldn't, and he knew that.

"Yes, sure, a big stack for me. I will be right down," I replied, pulling Edward's hair. I felt him chuckle against my bare naked lady parts and adjusted my position. Naturally he took that to mean he could insert his tongue inside my core while I was trying to get his brother to leave. Would screaming "Fuck off, Emmett" be rude?

I moved slightly, up and down.

"I can't find Edward. Don't tell me he didn't sleep here last night," Emm said, looking confused. "I was sure he would be babysitting you all night. He seriously left you here all alone?'

"I, uh, slept, uh, in Lucy's uh, bed."

"Are you okay, Bellarina?" he asked,concerned.

"I'm not quite...awake. I'll be right...right.."

He frowned and looked up as Rose appeared. She took one look and laughed.

"Emmett, come on downstairs, I can't remember the recipe for pancakes."

She winked at me, and patted the quilt.

"Good morning to you too."

Emmett went out with her as she tugged on his arm but he looked back and shook his head.

"Bloody Edward, I can't believe he left her all alone..."

"Shut up, Emmett."

Rose shut the door and I breathed in and lay back.

Edward threw up an arm and tossed the quilt away.

"Fuck me, I thought I was going to suffocate. My lungs were bursting."

"Then breathe deep and get back to work," I ordered.

X~x~X

"Goodness me, I don't believe anyone has ever had such a big smile on her face before just because I'm cooking pancakes," Rose said as I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

"Shut up and feed me," I ordered.

"He didn't suffocate or anything, right?" she checked.

"No, Rosalie, he lived to...perform another day."

"Is Edward playing the piano again? That's cool, he hasn't touched it since you two split up," Emmett stated, stuffing several pancakes into his mouth.

"What am I doing?" Edward asked, walking in with a child on each side. He pulled out two chairs and sat the girls up.

"Bella said you were performing your piano recitals again," Emmett said.

"Oh, I guess I hit some pretty sweet notes," he nodded and sat down beside me, reaching under the table for my hand and holding it tightly. "Can I take you to lunch? We have some talking to do."

"Sure, but you are working in Port Angeles, won't it take too long to drive here and back? It's your first day."

"I will work something out. So, it's a date?"

I chuckled.

"Yes, Edward, it's a date. Noon?"

"I shall be thinking about it all morning," he promised.

He reluctantly let my hand go and ate his breakfast and we rushed about, getting the girls ready and ourselves.

"Bye, Rose, Emm, thanks," I called as we left.

"Set the alarm and lock up when you leave, please," Edward added.

Carlisle was waiting at the childcare center and introduced us to his two new employees, security guards Felix and Demetri.

"Nobody gets in without a pass, and they have to scan that pass in this machine here. Two passes per child, no friends collecting children for the approved parental figures or guardians.

Even Esme will not be allowed to collect the girls until we get the new system perfected and have a list of trusted family members who can help out in an emergency."

I felt a lot safer, it would be harder for Victoria to enter here than to get into Heaven. Edward was determined to find her and make her attend a meeting with his solicitor to work out any access she would be allowed, but I didn't like her chances. Carlisle and Jasper had discussed a variety of ways to get her supervised visits only. She could meet Edward at a pre-arranged place and see Tori while he was there too, but she could not have the child for sleepovers or alone time.

And Charlie was working on tracing the Laurent person. If I could positively id him, everyone wanted me laying charges against him.

"Bye, sweeties, be good," I said, turning towards the car after exhaustive hugs and kisses all round.

Edward was going to be late if we did the morning run this way everyday. He needed to trust me to manage on my own so he could head off to work earlier.

"It's not a problem," he assured me again.

"But your Boss... You can't turn up any time you want, take long lunches and be home in time to collect me and the girls. That's like putting in a half day every day. No Boss would stand for it."

"Bella, I own the company," he replied, and I opened my eyes wide with shock.

"You own a company? What is it called?"

"Masen Holdings. It was set up by my grandparents and left to me."

"What type of company is it?"

"It's a charitable trust. We make donations and grants based on need and we generate the needed funds through investments. Alice works for me part time until she gets the design label off the ground."

"I thought you went to college to become a musician," I stuttered. He had done music courses back then.

"This is a little more important than music and anyway, I lost interest and changed my major after we..."

"Oh," I replied, saddened. Music was so important to him once. Was this my fault?

"Bella, one day I may take it up again and finish my degree, if that's what would make you happy."

"It seems a waste, that's all," I muttered.

"My life became a waste, other than Tori. Accept it, I am not good for much without you. I lost heart and my music suffered, so I let it go. I didn't imagine we would ever be together again. You do want that, don't you?"

I nodded. "I do want that. I want us back but better than before."

"We will be, love. We will be."

Work seemed like it was now the thing that stood between Edward and I being together but I shook that thought away and started checking who had done what. James hadn't handed in anything yet and I called him over.

"So, where's your copy?" I asked, keeping it light and pleasant.

"I had a busy week last week. I will get onto it now, if you stop nagging me."

"James, I'm not nagging, it is my job to make sure everything is submitted on time."

"You just love this, don't you? Getting to lord over us mere men and putting us in our place, grovelling at your feet."

"Where is this coming from?" I asked him, confused.

"I met a lady who knows the real you. You stole her husband right from under her nose."

"I have never stolen anyone's husband, you have the wrong person," I replied, shocked.

"They may not have been married, but Edward promised to marry her if she kept the kid and she did do that. Now she finds out you have crocked your little finger and stolen him back. Broken up her dreams of a real family. Lost her daughter. Why don't you have a kid of your own if you want one that much? Can't he knock you up?"

"James, none of this is your business and I would prefer we stuck to work topics only."

He lifted the frame from my desktop and stroked the photo through the glass.

"Look at her. Poor little Tori, having to make do with a stepmom."

I took the photo of Lucy and myself back and put it in my purse. No way was I giving him any information about my private life.

"Just do your work and hand it to me when it's done," I replied evenly.

The second Riley appeared I asked him for a private word and followed him into his office.

"I knew you would be back. No need to beg, I have tonight free as it happens. What are we doing? Each other, I hope."

"Riley, I'm worried about James. I don't want anyone here knowing about my life or my daughter so could you please never mention anything you know about me to anyone, please?"

"Sure, Bella Babe, and what's my reward?" he asked, sitting on his desk, pulling me between his open knees.

"I will keep the place running and do my job. That's what I'm paid to do, no more," I smiled and walked out.

"Huh, does he know you are fucking Cullen as well?" James whispered loudly and I blushed as several heads looked up and turned my way.

I wanted to scream at him, and announce the truth but that would be playing into his hands.

James was in and out of Riley's office, and I managed to not stare every time they spoke together, but even I could feel Riley frowning at me through the glass after James' left each time.

When it came to crunch time, everyone had their copy done and James flicked a piece of paper on my desk. I picked it up and read the few words.

**War sucks and is pointless and what do women know about running a newspaper?**

"This is your column for this weeks paper?" I checked. "I'm sure Riley will enjoy reading it."

James smirked. "I have Riley right where I want him."

"Fix it, James. You go nowhere until I have something proper to print."

"Really, Bitch. Let's see what Riley has to say about that."

The Boss walked out of his office. "All set, Bella? Ready to roll?"

"James seems to need to do a write over," I replied.

"It's fine, he's been busy. He told me how you have been riding him, trying to make him work ridiculous hours overtime, just so you can come on to him after we have all gone. Quite the busy little bee, aren't you? Don't think you can play us both plus your so called room mate all at once. We don't like sluttish behaviour from our staff. Keep your fucking about out of the office, please, as you promised to. James has no interest in dating you, so stop harassing him and if I catch you doing any of this inappropriate touching he has reported to me, I will sack you. War correspondence is a traumatic job, ease up on James and remember, personal life after work hours end. You could edit his column and make it pretty if you don't like what he has submitted," Riley said, and put on his coat. "Coming to lunch, James?"

They walked out together, new bff's, and I sighed and called Edward, telling him lunch was cancelled as I struggled to put a proper column together in time. It was a rehash of an old column but I wasn't prepared and knew little about writing about war.

I agreed with James' sentiments, as far as wars being pointless but it was our job to inform the readers.

I went home tired and confused and wondering if I was in the right job, after all.

Edward was busy from the moment we got home, talking non stop on his phone, even as we prepared dinner. He paused only long enough to eat, then headed for his study and I cleaned up and listened to the girls telling me about their day. I even cleaned the kitten's cages and raked the litter trays.

God, I hate cats. They both tried to rub against my legs as I fed them and I gritted my teeth and smiled at the girls as they excitedly explained that meant the cats loved me.

Lucky me.

Baths and bedtime rolled around and Edward finally took five minutes off to read to the girls and I set the alarm and sat in my bedroom, Googling James and trying to find out anything I could about him. He was named as the recipient of many awards for his work so this was purely a malicious attack on my authority and somehow he had Riley backing him up.

I was distracted and worried and when Edward looked in to say sorry, and explain work was a little overwhelming at the minute, I nodded and waved him away.

We were not in any rush. I could wait until he had the time to spare and I had fixed this work problem.

X~x~X

EPOV

So much for the cushy job I had inherited. It had been managed, badly, by my cousin Alec, since my grandfather died and we had lost a lot of sponsors with the economic downturn and our investments had been badly mismanaged. As a result, we had debts and unpaid accounts and the staff had lost heart. I could turn it around, I was sure of that, but it would take time and dedication.

When Bella cancelled lunch, it was a relief almost, I hadn't realised the time and would have been too late arriving back in Forks anyway. She sounded tired and disheartened herself, so I put our date and conversation on hold and concentrated on work.

It wouldn't be for long, I would have this sorted in a few days and we could go out and get the three dates over.

In fact, by Friday, things were starting to come together and I optimistically booked us a table for dinner tonight and asked Esme to babysit. She was happy to oblige and I reminded myself to tell Bella to be ready by eight. The only time we'd had together really was sleeping in the same bed each night once the kids were settled and I'd finished my calls for the night.

It was innocent, we just needed bodily contact and we were going to do things right and nothing was happening between the sheets, other than practising some oral skills.

She was waiting in the hallway as I made one last quick phone call and the girls were kissing her Good night as the doorbell sounded.

I couldn't believe the words Jay Jenks was saying in my ear as I gripped the phone tighter. His investigation into Alec's time as CEO indicated embezzlement, not mere incompetency.

Bella checked the monitor and turned to me.

"It's Jake," she said, puzzled. "Oh no, I forgot he and I had that date booked for tonight," she said, crestfallen.

"Just go, have fun," I said, kissing her forehead.

Carlisle was standing beside our unexpected caller when she opened the door.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about Alec. I've noticed an alarming pattern in the discrepancies."

"Just wait until you here what Jenks found out," I growled.

I waved a hand at Bella as she looked less than excited to take Jacob's arm and leave.

"Have fun, you two," I said and listened as my father ran through the new drama. Work would take over my life unless I made a firm stand. But not tonight, Bella had a date anyway.

X~x~X

It was near midnight when I sank into bed, my head bursting with facts and figures and the clear knowledge Alec had defrauded us and transferred millions to an offshore account. This was going to jeopardize Masen's future. I wasn't confident Carlisle and I would be able to salvage anything and we were in debt.

I groaned and tried to erase the thoughts from my head. There was no way I could come up with suggestions or solutions if I didn't get some sleep and my brain was racing.

Bella slipped into my bed about an hour later and I wrapped my body around hers and breathed her in.

Instantly, just like that, all the business worries disappeared and my head was full of Bella instead.

"Good date?" I asked her tiredly. I was interested, but things were getting on top of me. It appeared that included Bella, as she turned and straddled my torso.

"It was _wonderful_ but I think he got the message. I got in first and raved about what a great FRIEND he was and how I love being FRIENDS with him , and he looked quite annoyed but I managed to rave on all night about how amazing you are and yep, he got the message."

She leaned down and claimed my lips, which were more than ready to be claimed.

"I don't suppose that date with Jake could count as our first date?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Kind of like a proxy date. Jake stood in for me."

"NO it could not," she laughed, rolling off my now very interested body. Despite my exhaustion, some things take priority.

"So, maybe we could mess around and see what pops up," I suggested, reaching for parts of her that were filling my mind as I detected her arousal.

"Nope, you need to sleep, and so do I. This weekend, no work, promise me? Just us and the girls and Monday can wait. I can't imagine things at Masen's can get worse by being ignored for one weekend?"

"Definitely not," I agreed and settled for spooning her warm body against my chest and nuzzling her neck. She wriggled away from my obvious erection and started singing a song I would never forget. It had been 'our song' once and it evoked so many memories and feelings.

The feelings I could cope with but the memories were taking over my dreams, and when I awoke in the early hours, it was obvious they were in Bella's dreams as well.

"Oh Edward," she murmured, reaching around, pressing her breasts into my chest and lowering a hand to caress my package. " It's my birthday," she pouted, still asleep."Do you have my present ready?"

It wasn't her birthday today but I clearly recalled the night she was dreaming about.

Her parents had thrown her a surprise party and scuppered our plans to spend the whole night just making love. It had been her birthday wish and I was happy to grant it, and we had everything planned.

Her parents had assured Bella they would be having a gathering of friends and relatives the following weekend, with cake and gifts, and she had nodded only half interested. That was fine with her, I was going to be away for both days checking out NYU with my father, and begging him to allow Bella to come with me when college began, so tonight was special.

Charlie had added he and Renee had a date that night and asked if I would be sleeping over so Bella would not be alone and I had grinned and nodded.

"Yes, Sir, of course. Bella's safety comes first."

"Good lad," he had returned my grin and laughed. "I'll make sure Renee makes up the sofa for you."

I didn't get it, then, but after we had gone out to dinner and returned to the dark, deserted, Swan house, somewhat excited and impatient, the 'surprise' had been launched.

Bella opened the front door and I rushed us inside and grabbed her, pushing her against the wall and slamming the door shut behind us.

She said that line and I nipped her pouty lips, and pressed her 'present' against her.

She was grinning and opened her legs invitingly and I nuzzled her neck, moaning at the promise of various delights to come, as she whispered them in graphic detail into my ear.

"For my birthday I want you to..."

Just recalling her words...

I had detected she was already damp and ready and I intended freeing the rock hard monster in my pants and taking her right there, up against the wall, not in our usual calm and romantic manner. I was feeling uptight and desperate, scared we were about to be parted by almost an entire country and I needed to reassure us we would make it, no matter how much distance there was between us the next year.

Just as I slid my hand up her thigh, inside her skirt, the sudden illumination of the room with every available light blinded us and there they were, twenty five friends and aunts and uncles, and I let her slide to the floor again and hoped my back had hidden my actions.

"Surprise!" they yelled and I was glad they hadn't waited another thirty seconds or the surprise would have been on them.

I managed to adjust myself and headed for the kitchen, leaving my lamb surrounded by well meaning guests as I drained a beer in ten seconds and Emmett laughed and handed me a second.

"So, were you two surprised? You looked surprised."

"You will pay for this, you prick," I laughed,"You were about to see parts of me you have avoided seeing for years. You should have warned me. What if I had stripped her naked out on the path to save time?"

"Oh, did Little Edward want to com out and play?" he asked with a grin, feigning innocence. Like he didn't know what Bella and I got up to on every opportunity.

Charlie clapped me on the back at least twenty times during the party, crowing over and over "We got you, didn't we Edward? She never suspected a thing. You two did not see that coming."

I really wanted to answer him with "No, but you and your guests almost saw us coming."

I left with my brothers once everyone else had gone and kissed Bella lightly on the lips as her parents watched.

Then Emm dropped me at the corner and I ran back through the forest and climbed that ever useful tree and was pulled into her bed and her body in quick time. It was possibly the most frantic we had ever been and knowing just a bathroom stood between her bedroom and her parents room did not curb our enthusiasm at all.

At first, it was our usual horny thrusting and moaning but things morphed as reality hit and we faced the fact we could soon be apart.

By morning, Bella had cried on my chest for the first time, and had I known then how depressed she would get over the next two years, I would have taken her out that window and lived on the streets of Seattle until we found menial jobs and could get a place together. It was all we wanted, just to be together.

Why the fuck did they not know that and accept it? Forcing us to endure months on end apart was torturous and cruel and I really hated them all, the four smug parents, so sure we couldn't last. Always testing us, always pointing out to my Bella how young we were and how weak our bond was. How there were so many other fish in the sea and it would be perfectly natural to find other people to date and not be so intense together.

If I could turn back time, I could well have had deaths on my conscience, I thought, as Bella pushed against me.

"Don't go, don't leave me, Edward," she begged, tears leaking from her still closed eyelids.

Her hands surrounded my torso and she clung to me like the little lost frightened girl she had been that night.

"Hey, Baby, it's all in the past. I'm not going anywhere," I promised and she nodded and pulled at her pj pants, lowering them and pulling them off with her toes.

"Edward, promise me we will be okay," she cried, still lost in the dream.

"God, Bella, stop it, you are breaking my heart," I replied, holding her closer. I had relived all this so many times alone, but with her here, truly lost in the past, it was more than I could bear.

"Make love to me, one last time before you have to go," she cried and I forgot who we were and where we were and how we were waiting, and I ripped my boxers away and pushed inside her desperate body, thrusting inside with such familiarity, it made me cry as well.

"Edward, I love you, so much," she cried and I clasped her to me and made love to her as I had that final night before my father informed me it was all a done deal. Bella was to go to SeattleU and I had my shiny new place at NYU.

"Don't go, don't leave me," she begged and I kissed her and watched her brown eyes open in surprise.

"It's okay, Baby, it's all over now," I said, moving gently inside her.

Bella grasped on to what was happening instantly and arched against me.

"I guess this is as good a way as any to lay old ghosts," she whispered in my ear, tangling her hands in my hair.

"Oh God, why can't we just go back to that night and run away together?" I cried. Despite the miracle of Tori, I knew deep in my heart, if I could go back, she would never have had the opportunity to be conceived because when I was with Bella, no other woman had ever existed and nothing would have lured me into bed with Victoria or anyone else. Only a shattered heart, and that would never have happened.

Bella and I may have ended up with menial jobs and some crappy little apartment but it would have been enough. We would have had each other.


	13. Chapter 14

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 14

BPOV

Making love with Edward again was amazing and despite our promises to wait and date first, it all became a moot point as I got lost in the past and begged him to love me. I hated going back to that time, the beginning of the end.

I wished I had possessed what it took to remain happy and grateful for the brief spells we did spend together instead of turning into a needy, whining obligation he didn't know how to handle. He couldn't fix things, that was the fact. Fixing could only happen if there was a way we could have been together and he did his best and wasted one airfare on going to talk to Carlisle yet again.

His father was paying his fees and living expenses but not giving Edward any other money at all, so Edward had to find time to work a shift in the student bar whenever he could spare the time, to earn the pittance they paid.

It added up, and every few months he came to see me but even I knew I was changing from my old self to some pathetic wreck as I grasped onto him too tightly when he arrived, and frantically pulled him into my bed, afraid he would disappear even before our measly two days were up. Then I would remember why I loved him so much and how alone I felt when he was gone, and the blackness would overtake me and turn me into needy, hopeless Bella.

Even I hated her and I knew Edward was drowning. He wanted us to be together, and all I did was make him feel guilty and helpless and emasculated as I alternately demanded he do something or cried over the situation.

It's not at all surprising he gave up, and thought I had as well. I never had anything positive to say and I shut myself off from him. The last few visits that he'd worked so hard to pay for, at the expense of his studying, had been pure Hell for us both and I acknowledge I did say repeatedly, that we should call it a day and stop the torture.

I guess he finally believed that was what I wanted.

I was as responsible as he was for our demise, and I guess had either of us ever said a real Goodbye, things would have ended cleanly. I had my head buried in the sand, somehow expecting him to read my mind and know it wasn't an ending I wanted, just a better way of existing. I should have quit college, that would have shocked the smug conspirators to accept we deserved to be in the same state at least.

Carlisle could have afforded to send twenty students to NYU, and I would have had no problem accepting his charity.

Charlie could have made token repayments to him if it soothed his pride but I would have taken money from the devil himself to pay my fees in New York.

How fucking happy and different college would have been. We would have been competing against one another, who knows how high our marks would have been as we tried to outdo each other? Possibly we would have achieved perfect scores in every subject.

Them thinking we would slack off and let our work suffer was ridiculous. We both wanted a secure future, and we would have egged one another on to even greater things. Had we had a common goal, there would have been no stopping us.

I know I could have stopped Edward as he lay there, above me, moving inside me, comforting me as I battled to let go of the dream but it was a case of longing and needing him so much I let it overpower common sense and our pact to wait.

What harm could it do, really? We had already admitted we loved one another, and wanted us back. This wasn't a shortcut, just an inevitable part of reuniting. I needed him to love me and he needed to love me, so what we did was hardly wrong on any level.

His life was complicated and busy, mine was confusing and frustrating, and we were each other's rocks and support system away from the hassles of our careers.

I was already seriously doubting whether I would stay at the newspaper, even though that would play right into James' hands. I knew I could report both he and Riley and sue their asses but it didn't seem worth fighting, and if I had to write James' column as well as do my own work, then I would be better just doing that.

If what I wrote sucked, it was his name on the bottom and his reputation, not mine.

I was seriously over working there anyway.

I would find another job, and this time I would settle for menial just to keep us together if nothing suitable popped up in PA. We were a family and needed one another. My career was suddenly so irrelevant and so less important than reconnecting and building up our relationship. I would be happy being tea lady at the Police Station.

Edward let me use him as a sounding board and was apologetic that James had turned against me over meeting Victoria and being filled with her poisonous lies, but truly, walking away from that job was not a problem. I just wanted less stress and something that paid enough to support myself and the little cost Lucy was now Edward had demanded I accept back payments in child support as well as him taking over all her expenses.

The mysterious repaying of my student loans had to either be down to him, or down to Carlisle's guilt. I guess it didn't matter which, but I would like to know who to thank. It would be embarrassing to thank Carlisle then find out it had been Edward, or vice versa.

I'd accept Carlisle's guilt money. They all owed us, and however they wanted to try and repay the hurt and wrong they'd inflicted on us, well, whatever.

I would never hesitate to ask whatever favors of them all I needed at any time. They could never make up for putting us through that nightmare.

Lucy had not known her father, for three whole years, her entire life so far and Tori had been born to a woman who had not even wanted her.

It was all so fucked up and wrong. We should have been together, the girls should both be our children, with no other party involved.

Twins for real.

On a happier note, Tori's third birthday was looming up fast and I was looking forward to it. Edward had gone completely overboard, as only Edward could, and it promised to be a day we would not easily forget. I would be acting as her mother on the day, in front of everyone and it would cement us even more as a family unit.

Hopefully Victoria would have left long before then, and we could take the right steps to go on as we had begun. A proper family.

I had few memories of my own life before I was five years old and I wondered if it would be possible for Tori to forget her real mother? She had started to drop the "Momma Bella" for just "Momma" and I loved it. Edward tended to grin when he heard her slip up, and I know he wished the same things I did.

We hadn't made love again yet but we had managed three dates and my man had surprised me by deciding we were not going to begin having sex again regularly just because we had done the required number of outings.

Instead, we would hold off long enough until neither of us could bear not to make love, and we would do it wherever and whenever that happened. It stirred up such sweet anticipation in my gut, wondering where and when that would be...

Outdoors? I was voting for outdoors. I wanted our reunion to be amazing and special and maybe a little planned. I know Edward wanted spontaneous but running a household and two careers and two kids made that kind of impossible.

Maybe after the guests left after the party and the girls were asleep in bed...

Maybe Esme or Rose and Emmett would agree to sleep over...

Maybe I could set up a picnic blanket and some tasty treats in a clearing in the forest, and lead him there and ambush him by stripping off naked and ...

Would it be too cold outdoors at night? Maybe we needed a nice big double sleeping bag...maybe even a tent.

See, spontaneous would never work.

I was thinking of things to buy or borrow in my head and the date of the party rung a bell.

Of course, I needed my period to turn up the week before and be over and done with. I figured it would be perfect timing, and I checked my diary.

This couldn't be right.

I was never perfectly regular like some women, but I was fairly predictable...I must have had the last one about four weeks ago?

I flicked back and wondered if it was possible that I just forgot to note it? That must be it. I had an implant in my arm, for God's sake. Edward's sperm may have defeated the Pill and created Lucy, and defeated the condoms and created Tori but even it could not defeat an implant.

Could it?

I tried so hard to remember the last time I had been inconvenienced by bleeding. There was the time I was meant to help out Alice with Austin and had gotten them early and had to cry off and stay home in bed instead.

Yes, there it was, I had circled the date I was to babysit and scribbled it out in angry red pen when I couldn't go. So, that was...no, impossible. Clearly there had been another period since, I had just forgotten to write it down.

I estimated when it probably had occurred and counted forward.

Crap, that made them due again almost on the day of the party. Shit, maybe they would hold off for just another day or two...

Waiting for the telltale signs each day that followed overshadowed everything else, even the crap going down at work. I wrote James' column, not even asking him to submit anything at all, and he was confused, trying to provoke me in any way. He grabbed my copy and read it through critically, deriding my words and ideas, telling me I was as good as writing as I was at editing, in other words, complete crap.

I smiled and thanked him and assured him I wanted his column to stay in character, so crap was good. He got so riled he actually sat down and handed me an excellent insightful piece of work, as he ripped up my offering and insisted nobody got to sully his reputation by ghost writing for him, especially not some pathetic female.

Whatever, I got the paper out in time and we got a heap of positive feedback about James' efforts.

"Manipulator," Riley hissed as he checked the final drafts.

"Asshole," I replied, but kept a respectful smile on my face as I said it, so any staff member watching would testify I had said something clearly positive, if Riley accused me of being disrespectful.

I was suddenly enjoying the challenge of keeping this pair of losers in their places. Nothing they said bothered me and the insults grew more and more pathetic and the staff were noticing how immature the best buds were sounding whenever they addressed me.

Edward was too wrapped up in trying to get some of the money back from his cousin to worry too much about my career, anyway he promised to hire me tomorrow if I quit today, so knowing I had somewhere else to go made me more outspoken and reckless. I didn't care any more.

All I wanted was for my monthlies to show and go away again and for our midnight rendezvous to be as amazing as I had imagined it.

I had everything in place before the actual day dawned and still my cycle was a no show.

I must be getting the dates wrong. I tried to work out again when the un-noted period had occurred, but it just didn't add up.

"Coffee?" Alice offered and I smiled and took a cup. Rose brushed her hair from her face and took the next cup and we grinned at one another. Caffeine junkies, but whatever got us through the day.

Suddenly Rose paused as she lifted the cup to her mouth, and instead of sipping that sweet ambrosia, slammed it back onto the table.

"What's up?" Alice asked, concerned.

Rose held up a hand and swallowed noisily.

"Bad. Coffee, smells bad," Rose stuttered, pushing her chair back from the table.

I lifted my own brew and sniffed deeply and almost vomited.

"Fuck, Alice, this is noxious," I backed up Rose.

I felt something rise in my throat and bolted for the bathroom, hearing Rose do the same as she raced for the powder room.

The only sound in the place was the two of us losing our breakfasts into the porcelain as Alice demanded Edward and Jasper and Emmett taste her coffee. They all agreed it was amazing; fragrant and delicious, and it was us two with the problem.

Edward came and found me and wiped my face and forehead with a cold washcloth.

"Bella, there's nothing wrong with the coffee. You must have a virus or something."

Alice suddenly squealed and ran to the bathroom Rose occupied and there were protests from Rose and the slamming of the door and then the cry of joy as apparently, the stick Alice had forced Rose to pee on turned pink.

"But we haven't started treatment," Emmett said, mystified.

"Too bad, it says Rosie is pregnant, just accept it. You must have managed to produce one straight swimmer after all," Alice squealed in delight.

I sank down onto the cold tiled floor as Edward went out to slap his brother's back and shout out how he always knew Emmett could make good Cullen sperm if he tried.

I turned and looked at a silent Alice standing behind me.

"Bella? Will you just pee on this stick like a good girl or are you going to start making up other reasons my excellent coffee made you ill?" she said, tapping her Loubouton clad foot impatiently.

"Alice, it's not possible," I replied.

"So, you and Edward haven't...?"

"Once, only once," I replied.

"Guess what, once is enough," she answered, flapping the damned plastic stick at me.

"You can't tell him. I mean, it's impossible, I have an implant."

"Bella, Edward's sperm can defy any means of contraception, you know that. Pee on the stick."

I nodded and she left and shut the door.

The guys were whooping it up, making too much noise, and my head spun a little as I waited. I guess I already knew, but I was completely in denial as the two pink lines appeared.

I washed my hands and face and hid the stick in my bra.

Alice watched my face as I joined the others.

I shook my head at her and mouthed the lie. "Negative" I shrugged. She wiped her brow in an exaggerated way and I nodded and gave her the thumbs up. There was no way we were ready for this. We hadn't even got past dating, to the regular love making stage, and now we had been sabotaged.

Much as I wanted another baby one day, this was not that day. I had plans, such plans. Engagement, wedding, honeymoon, THEN a baby. I had already done the single motherhood bit but no way was he forcing me to rush down the aisle before it was something we both wanted desperately, just because the stick turned pink.

Maybe I wouldn't tell him for a few months. Maybe if he proposed and wanted to marry me, then I would speak up. I was so disappointed to have slipped up this way, yet again, it seemed the universe hated us. It seemed to want to spoil everything once again and I was distracted all day trying to work out what to do.

I had imagined, months, even years from now, Edward announcing he was ready to try and impregnate me, followed by months of trying before this happened. And we would suspect all our hard work had paid off, some day, and do the test together and he would throw his arms around me and tell me this was the ultimate thrill and the completion of our love.

The girls would have been older, in real school. With outside interests and no longer having the need to be 'babies' and they wouldn't feel usurped by the newborn. They'd be reassured we would still love them and I would have done the new baby doll bit, teaching them all about newborns and they would be all ready by the time the conception occurred.

Then they would have the whole nine months to come to terms with the changes in the family dynamic.

We would have been married for some time, so the gran brigade would be all nagging and hinting and knitting little jackets and baby things months before the announcement, and I would have gotten to tell them to butt out and let us do this in our own time.

We had plans.

Dammit, his house would not even be ready before the birth.

Oh fuck, the birth.

The pain and fear and the tearing...

I couldn't go through that again. I just couldn't.

People were starting to arrive, and Carlisle had his guards on duty. Every employee was wearing a bracelet that could identify them as staff and nobody but nobody was allowed through the gates without showing someone their wristband.

"Bella, Babe, would you mind watching the gate for five minutes? Emm wants to announce the proof of his manliness to everyone, including Felix and Dimitri."

"Sure," I replied, my head threatening to explode as Edward stood before me.

The guards ran off with him, like overgrown boys and I checked the caterers wrists and the bouncy castle people's wrists and pondered about what I should do about this pregnancy.

Surely I wasn't considering terminating? I had never liked that idea, but suddenly it was personal, and not some abstract idea to get on my high horse and pontificate about. It was different now, it was me. It was us. If this pregnancy spoilt everything, there were two existing children whose lives would be disrupted yet again and God knows how they would cope. What if Edward wanted me to terminate and I didn't want to do it? What if I decided it was the right thing to do and he hated me for it?

"Happy, Happy Birthday" someone sang and I turned back to the gate. Painted faces grinned scarily.

God no, not...clowns.

"Uh, we seem to have forgotten our..." one of them began.

"Go through, please, just...get away from me," I begged, and they laughed and the closer one honked his red bulbous nose at me and showered me in confetti.

I shuddered and shook it from my clothing and almost kissed Dimitri in relief as he returned to take over again.

"Have the petting zoo arrived yet?" he asked me. I shook my head. I would have remembered cute small animals in cages.

"Darn, they have to set up and it can take ages...oh, here they are," he said, checking wristbands and ticking off some sign in sheet I had failed to notice. As he pointed them in the right direction, I hastily ticked off the caterers and bouncy castle on his list, and searched in vain for, gulp, clowns.

Ah, there it was. Entertainers.

Tick, tick.

My stomach rumbled and I knew it was about to rebel again, so I headed for the nearest powder room and locked the door behind myself. Nobody needed to see this, if they did, my secret would be exposed.

EPOV

I knew today would be unforgettable and I was so right. Rose looked like Hell, pale and scarcely able to walk away from bathroom facilities, but she was as thrilled as Emmett, if that was possible. To my surprise, I was filled with envy.

Even though I had two amazing daughters, the one thing I wanted was to have a child in the same circumstances as my brothers had managed. With the women they loved, whom they were married to.

My girls had been born in such different circumstances, hardly ideal, and I regretted that and only could hope their imperfect beginnings would not cloud their lives. I would do everything in my power to make up for letting them both down, and I swore they would always have the best father I could manage to be.

Bella joined throng of happy well wishers surrounding the happy couple and I pulled her into my arms.

"I understand now, Bella. You are so right. We have to wait and do all the right things before it's our turn to have our new baby. I really want to marry you so the very first moment you consider saying yes to my proposal, just let me know and I will be on bended knee before you can blink. I want it all this time, Bella. I want you to be my bride, my wife, and I want us to announce we are expecting our own baby. I know I'm rushing everything but do you think by this time next year maybe that could be us?"

"Next year?" she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Okay, sorry. I'm so impatient. Say two years from now, then? Would that be sensible and possible?"

She nodded and clung to my arm and I pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you, Love. I am living for the day it all comes together for us. We will do it right next time, I can promise you that. And if you aren't ready by then, we can talk about it and compromise on a time frame we are both happy with. I know two kids are a lot to handle and I agree, it would be madness to add to our brood any sooner, but Bella, one day..."

"One day," she nodded.

"What's wrong?" I asked and she shrugged.

"You are right, of course. Now would be far too soon," she stated sadly.

"Bella," I said in surprise," Don't tell me you would seriously consider having another baby earlier? We have two in childcare for another two years, it makes sense to wait and have Lucy and Tori in grade school.

I know it's probably a common reaction, when a close friend gets pregnant, for her friends to feel like they want to be as happy as she is and I promise you, one day you will be. Jasper is already panicking, Alice is reacting just the same way as you are. It will pass. They are hoping to try again next year, so think about that. The year after will be our year, and out turn to have our baby."

Bella was quiet throughout the party and I suspected she had been caught off guard at finding out Rosalie was pregnant. It was something none of us had anticipated. They had an appointment next Monday in fact for the first step of their in vitro, an appointment they would be thrilled to cancel.

Maybe I was reading Bella wrong. Maybe she was just reliving the fear and loneliness of her pregnancy. The disturbing thought that deep down, that she may not want another child at all, ever, worried me. She seemed rather introspective and didn't join in a lot, just stood on the edge of the various activities, and she left frequently to check on things the caterers were doing. There was no need, these people were professionals, and I pointed that out to her. She still rushed off every now and then so I just accepted maybe Bella was feeling judged, maybe. This party must be important if she needed to take control.

I guess the situation at her workplace was affecting her more than she thought, and home was the one place where she could control events.

She always came back within twenty minutes or so and sat down beside me or the girls, and a few times I caught her gazing at Rosalie with open envy.

That was good, maybe I was wrong. Maybe she did want another baby in the future.

Alice came and sat beside us and took Bella's hand.

"One day it will be our turn again. Mind you, I think Jasper will refuse to have sex with me with less than three condoms in place for a while. He knows how I get when I'm broody. It's ridiculous, I just had Austin six months ago. I had a hard time once I hit the halfway point, with me being this short and him being long like his father. I can't understand why all I want to do is sign up for the next one, when I know it's way too soon. Anyway, after all their disappointments, Rose and Emmett deserve to have the spotlight shining on them alone. It would be selfish to conceive again now and take away some of that attention they've longed for."

I thought for a moment Bella was going to burst into tears and Alice saw it too.

"Hey, I know how you feel. I'm so happy this happened for them without all the drugs and needles and shit they knew they had to endure...I want to cry with pure joy too."

She hugged Bella and I was a little surprised at Bella's tears. She sobbed on Alice's shoulder and sounded kind of lost and broken and I had sworn to never let her do that again.

The sadness of the past was over and done with. We had a new opportunity. Maybe she felt pressured.

Alice left us alone and I took Bella in my arms, confused.

"Hey, if you are worried because you don't want to go through all that again, I understand. We have time on our side. If you prefer, we won't even talk about it until after Alice and Jazz have their second baby. And if you never want another child, I can live with that. We have our girls, we are already doubly blessed."

"Momma, I want to pat the baby sheepie," Tori cried, running up and grabbing Bella's hand.

She stood up and let my daughter lead her to the enclosure the lambs were in. Lucy was sitting on the ground, somewhat grubbier all over than Tori, and Bella was soon helping them hold the various baby animals gently.

Suddenly she almost dropped a puppy into Tori's lap, and bolted inside the house.

"Momma hurt the doggie," Tori cried and I went to check the animal was uninjured. I had known there was always the chance a small child could mishandle the animals and maybe slightly injure one but not an adult.

"Mommy didn't mean to drop it. Maybe it bit her," Lucy stated anxiously.

"Stay here, I think I need to go check Mommy is okay," I replied and walked inside after Bella.

Rose was vomiting again in the powder room and I sympathised. She had looked so pale earlier. Bella was nowhere to be found inside and I was concerned and walked around the yard, asking if anyone had seen her lately.

Rose was clearly recovered, she and Emmett were dancing together, arms around one another, my brother kissing his wife's head. His eyes were shining and happy at last. They deserved this baby. I guess we had not realised how much Emmett had suffered at not being about to impregnate his woman, when Jazz and I had managed so easily.

He smiled when he saw me and I waved.

Rose turned and I was surprised she looked so healthy, after that session inside.

"Are you okay now? The sickness passed?" I asked as Emm danced her over to me.

"Sure. It was just the aroma of coffee, I think."

"I would have thought you worked that out this morning," I laughed. They both looked confused.

I explained.

"I just thought, after this morning's session, you would have avoided coffee."

"I have," she replied.

"I have too. No coffee for me either. I tell you, I'm gasping for it," Emmett complained. "I mean, usually by now I've had six or seven cups. One cup at breakfast just doesn't cut it."

"You could go make yourself one and then clean your teeth after you drink it so you don't smell of it," Rose suggested.

"Then what made you sick just a ten minutes ago?" I asked her.

"I haven't been ill all day. I have been a little green but not actually sick again," she replied.

"Oh. I just assumed the person puking their guts out in the powder room just then was you," I stated.

"Nope. Maybe one of the Dad's has imbibed a little too much beer," she suggested.

We were only serving lite beer and most parents had just taken a single drink, it being a children's party and all. I guesses I should go see who had got blathered already. Night was just starting to darken the sky.

Twilight.

The best time of day.

I left Rose and waited for the drunkard to finish with the porcelain God and emerge and to my shock, it was Bella.

Had she been sneaking inside to drink? Was this whole day too much for her to handle?

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I'm pregnant," she stated, bursting into tears.

I was shocked.

"Why are you sorry? Isn't it mine?" I asked nervously. We had only been together the once and she had mentioned her implant.

I took her inside my embrace and held her close.

"Bella, it will be okay. You have accepted Tori so amazingly generously. If you want us to raise this baby as our own, we will. The biological father doesn't matter."

"It's your baby, Edward," she replied, looking shocked I would think otherwise. "I haven't ever been with anyone but you."

"Then why the tears and regret?" I asked, fearing she didn't want to have another baby to me after all.

"It's the wrong time, you said it yourself," she cried.

"Bella, it will be fine. It will be wonderful, in fact. God, I was so worried. Timing doesn't matter. We can still have another baby the 'right' time if you want but this baby is going to be amazing. Come on, we have to tell the girls."

I kissed her on the cheek and wiped away her tears. "You do want to have it, right? I'm not forcing you into anything."

"I want it, I thought you weren't ready."

"Hey, we have about seven months to get ready, Love. The girls will be so surprised."

I hurried her to the animal nursery. There were a lot of small girls sitting patting lambs and rabbits but none were mine.

"I think we will have another girl, then a boy last," I predicted. It just seemed right. Three girls and a boy. "I even have an idea for the name," I said excitedly. Victoria had named Tori, after herself. I had adored one name in particular and hoped Bella would like it too.

We walked slowly around the perimeter of the yard, checking at each activity. No small copperheaded three year olds anywhere.

"They must be with Mom and Dad," I decided and headed inside. Esme had said she needed to put her feet up and have a nice hot cup of tea, so I checked the sitting room, dining room then kitchen.

"Go away, I need a five minute break," Mom joked as we walked in.

"Have you seen the girls? Does Dad have them?" I asked, starting to feel concern. My belly felt tight and anxious suddenly.

"Carlisle just went home to get his stomach medicine. Too many hotdogs. I guess he may have taken them for the ride. Ask Felix."

"Sit with Esme and have a cup of tea," I urged Bella and handed her the cell phone from her purse. "Call me if they turn up."

"No, I'm coming with you," Bella insisted. I tried to remain calm. It was probably nothing. They could be hiding or swimming in the pool with Jazz or...something.

Dimitri was on gate duty, and was chatting to a pretty blond girl but he was as aware of his surroundings as always and he straightened up as I approached.

"Did you see Carlisle leave? Did he take Lucy and Tori with him?" I asked.

"I did see him go but he was alone. He's coming back. He just needed to go take some medication."

"Has anyone else left yet?" I asked.

"Just the clowns. Their outfits were great but you were ripped off, they didn't actually do much. Just the old balloon animals."

"Clowns?" I said, puzzled. "I didn't hire clowns. Bella hates them. I got the fairy queen and face painter instead. She's dressed as Red Riding Hood."

"Oh yeah. They were on the list but somehow Felix crossed them off before they arrived so I called and checked and your dad came out and insisted on calling the agency and double checking they were actually booked. They had the wristbands and your Dad was satisfied he just stuffed up the sigh in sheet. Is something wrong? They're still here, look. Over there."

Sure enough, the two women were surrounded by kids with painted faces and the fairy was flapping her wand and handing out fairy candy bags.

"How did the clowns get inside? Did they have wristbands?" I growled. After the salaries we were paying out for security, I could not believe Felix had let anyone in without checking.

"I let them in," Bella said, paling in front of my eyes. "I let them in, Edward. I didn't check. I was sick and worried and distracted and I let the kidnappers in," she said, fainting dead away into my arms.

I juggled Bella gently onto the ground and pulled out my phone as Felix locked the gate and called Dimitri and the other staff together to search.

I had one message and I almost ignored it until I realised who had sent it.

Victoria.

_Call the cops and they are dead. I want to meet with you ALONE and come to an arrangement that suits us both, Edward. Tell anyone and your little angels will be just that, little angels. Love Victoria xxxx_

X~x~X

Victoria's POV

"I told you it would work. I know everything there is to know about Miss Isabella Marie Swan. Edward never shut up about her and her many likes and dislikes. He used to go on and on.

'My Bella loves books, my Bella loves the rain on her face. My fucking Bella'. I hated that bitch from the first night I met him. But he never ending litany about her was useful after all. She has this terrible fear of clowns.

I told you these were the perfect disguise."

Laurent looked crazy. Painting his black face white had been hilarious. His facial features in glowing paleness looked quite bizarre. Then his slash of a mouth, in crimson, was quite shocking. Not so child friendly so we added a rainbow curly wig and ridiculous baggy rainbow striped pants and a red nose that honked, and a flowerpot hat full of candy so the kids were more interested in that than looking at his scary face.

I looked cool. Very clowny.

The wonderful Bella didn't even wait for our lame excuses as to why we didn't have the required wristbands. All the excuses we had rehearsed to bluff our way in were not even needed.

We lost no time, always positioning ourselves in view of the red haired daughter Edward had saddled me with then taken away. I didn't want her myself but Laurent had pointed out, that kid was worth money. He told me straight, I should have sold her to her father.

He would have paid, too. Anything to get sole custody and keep her away from her big, bad Mom.

I expected the child care chick to hand her over, I did have some rights, but she knew Edward personally, of course and refused.

Stupid bitch, he was probably screwing her. She was all Team Edward, he could do no fucking wrong as usual. I tell you, just be born with good looks and the world is your oyster. This chick was warm for his form.

Then who should turn up but Eddie himself. I had forgotten just how beautiful he was, to be honest. He's kind of breathtaking and so fucking pretty. My Mom warned me to never date a man prettier than myself, I should have listened. Not that we dated. Fucked, yeah. Dated, not so much.

I was watching Tori and to my shock, along comes this kid who looked the spitting imagine. Laurent was as freaked as I was. He came up and stood beside me.

"What the fuck, Vic? He has two identical kids? How did that happen? Which one is yours?"

"Fucked if I know," I replied, to all of the above questions. It had to be the amazing, beautiful, wonderful Bella who spawned the other kid because Eddie had never fucked anyone but the two of us. Why the fuck hadn't she told him? He would have raced back home so fast he would have arrived before she finished peeing on the stick.

Edward loved Bella, that much was blatantly obvious but the dumb little bitch had frozen him out and left him ripe for the picking of any opportunist so naturally, I had to step in and have a go before any of those slutty college girls found out his relationship was over.

Stupidly, I thought he was just poor and pretty. I mean, he had that stupid little bar job and I had no clue how much his Papa was worth at the time.

If I had known, it would have been far simpler. I would have insisted he marry me if he wanted the baby to be born. Then after the divorce, I would have cashed in. Just so he and his precious little Tori could be together and I could have some fucking fun money for a change. He never mentioned his Dad was loaded.

All he ever mention was, you guessed it, 'my Bella'.

I think I even know the stupid bitch's bra size. He talked about her all fucking day and even in his sleep. Mind you, it was handy because his dreams about her got him nice and hard and so fuckable. I mean, it would have been rude to ignore the hard on, and let it go to waste, so he often woke up as I rode him to release. When he got all sooky and conscious stricken and stopped sleeping with me, I didn't care so much. Finally I never had to hear bitch's name again.

Then the fucking rabbit died and for once, I had been monogamous. All I wanted was the cash to get rid, but no, nothing is ever that simple.

He wanted the kid and implied we would get married and I was looking for a meal ticket so I let the fucker use me to carry his kid. Then he fucking changes his tune and refuses to marry me.

He can't do it because he loves Bella.

Fucking Princess Spoiled Brat Bella.

"So, which one do we snatch?" Laurent asked.

Eddie had rushed off after his precious bitch and left the girls in front of the rabbit cage. I told Laurent to wait where he was, and danced down to talk to the little gems and find out who was who.

"So, I have a magic trick," I announced as I approached them. One looked at me with narrowed eyes, just like Edward did. She seemed to be sizing me up and the other was more shy and sat there silently.

"I can guess the name of anyone in the world," I continued. "Let's see, I believe one of you is named Tori. Tori Ann Cullen." Is that right?"

The shy one's eyes widened and she clapped her hands. "Guess twinnies name," she begged.

"Yeah, what's my name?," the bolder one asked, putting a hand on a hip aggressively.

"Well, do you know my name?" I replied.

"Oh, are you Clancy The Clown, from my book?" she suddenly asked, looking all excited.

"You are right. My name is Clancy," I agreed. "You get a prize. What would you like?"

"Get a kitten for Momma," Tori suggested.

"I'm not sure Mommy wants a kitten, really," the bold one stated.

"Why not come see, we have a whole basketful of little puppies and kitties and bunnies, maybe Mommy would like a baby bunny?"

"Maybe," she answered slowly.

"Let's see. I have a little boy kitty named Edward, and a bunny named Fluffykins," I told them. "Poor little Edward Kitten has nobody to love him. He's so sad and I think he might even die if he doesn't find a new Mommy. Wouldn't that be sad?"

"Oh, we have to save him," Tori said, instantly fearful.

"Yeah, Mommy would like a kitten named Edward because our Daddy is named Edward," the other one said excitedly.

"Wow, how lucky. Come with me and we will wrap Edward Kitty in a soft blue blanket and you can take him to Mommy," I suggested and took their hands in my own. I led them to Laurent and winked.

"These girls guessed my name...they knew I was Clancy the Clown," I informed him.

"Wow, Clancy. I don't think anyone's ever guessed your name before. They should get to go on our magical mystery tour."

"No, we want Edward Kitten," the brazen child replied.

"Oh, right. Edward Kitten. He's at our gingerbread house, right, Clancy?" Laurent asked.

"It's just in the next street," I told the girls.

"Houses can't be made of gingerbread. The rain would make them be soggy," the bold one said.

"It has special paint that keeps the rain out," I replied.

Laurent had found the one vulnerable spot that even Edward's fancy cctv cameras did not capture, the small stretch of fencing behind a tool shed.

"Now, this has to be our secret so I'm going to lift you over the fence to our best friend, Clowny Clown and we'll go out through the gate and meet you but you must stay hidden so the bad Kitten Stealer doesn't see you and follow us home and steal Edward Kitten. Can you be really good and really quiet?"

"Of course we can," the girl replied indignantly. She was a piece of work alright.

"Your Mommy is going to be so surprised, and so happy you two girls love her so much that you are giving her Edward Kitten."

Laurent lifted them over the fence to James, who looked quite hot actually. I might suggest he leave some of that outfit on later. James handed them both lollipops and pointed to a tree across the yard and they both ran quickly and hid behind it. He blew me a kiss and followed our little gold mines.

We walked out past the guard, and Laurent tossed flower petals at him as we left.

"You going already?" he asked.

"Yeah, double booked. We have another gig," Laurent explained.

"Then expect only half your fee," he said.

"Not a problem. The Boss man, Carlisle, knows all about it. He said it's fine and he'll send our check."

"Okay," the man said, opening the gate.

We walked at a natural pace and collected James and the two girls once we were out of sight of the guard. Laurent stripped off his costume and scrubbed at the paint on his face. With his coloring, and dark outfit, nobody would notice him as he stood in the edge of the trees and kept an eye on dear old Edward and made sure he followed the instructions he was about to get.

"i don't think we should get into the car," the other kid said, taking Tori's hand.

"That's okay. I guess Edward Kitten will die because he has no food or water and nobody to love him," I replied.

She considered this.

"I don't think Mommy and Daddy would want us to go with you in a car."

"Grampy Charlie said..." Tori started.

James growled and slapped them both across their startled faces. Tori burst into tears and the defiant one looked shocked.

"You want more? I enjoy slapping naughty kids and killing cats. Get in the car and shut up or I will go kill your Mommy and Daddy with my gun."

That did it. They both shut up, though Tori still snivelled and reminded me why I hate kids.

I buckled the girls into the car and it was that simple. How to steal two kids in one easy lesson.

X~x~X

Tori cried herself to sleep by the time we reached James' house that was situated so deep in the forest, even sunlight never fell on it. Her bodyguard sister kept her arm firmly around the sleeping child and stared silently into my eyes.

We carried them inside and lay them on his guest bed together, and I covered them with a blanket. I started removing the thick make-up from my face as the Swan child watched warily. I saw the light bulb click on in her brain as my own face appeared.

Tori woke up and I lifted her into my arms. I knew she would recognise me but it didn't matter. I was thinking of keeping her actually, and just returning the sassy one.

"Lucy, help," Tori panicked, finally giving me the name.

"Tori, don't you remember me?" I asked as she struggled in my arms. "I'm your Mommy."

"No, Momma is my Mommy," she replied.

Lucy sat up, watching me closely.

"I saw pictures of you. You are Toria."

"Near enough," I agreed. "Now, Edward and Bella are off on a little holiday so they said you could stay with me, because I am Tori's Mommy. So, be really good girls and we won't have any problems."

" Where's Edward kitten?" Tori wailed loudly.

"There is no Edward Kitten," Lucy stated.

"I want Momma," Tori wailed and Lucy stepped forward and took her hand.

"I'll take care of you," she said, giving me a look that one rarely saw on the face of a child. This kid saw right through me and knew she and my daughter were not here with anyone's permission.

"If we are good, will you give us back?" she asked me quietly, as Tori wilted against her.

"Sure. Get into bed and not another sound."

She complied, taking her bawling companion with her and she patted Tori's face.

"I'll tell you a story if you stop crying, twinnie."

I smirked. The kid had balls.

I walked out and locked the door behind me. They could scream all they wanted, we were miles from our nearest neighbors.

"Vic, explain. Now. Two kids? Twins?" James asked confused. "I only agreed to one kid and only for two nights max."

"Well, slight problem. They stick together like glue and anyway, they are both Edward's. One is Bella Swan's."

"Fuck me. So that photo is of her and her kid, not her and Tori?" he mused.

"I would guess," I replied.

"Get this done. I want them gone fast. Taking your kid is one thing, seeing you still have some rights but taking Bella's kid makes this a felony. Did that even occur to you?"

"Edward will pay every penny he owns to get them back," I assured him. "Especially the spawn of Bella's."

I sent my former lover a text, warning him to leave the cops out of the equation and arranging a meeting with him.

James scowled as I came out of the shower and pulled on a sexy red dress. The one I was wearing the night Edward and I hooked up for the first time.

"Just leave them in there with the door locked, and they will sleep until morning. I'll be back soon."

"Don't let him touch you," James growled.

"Grow up. I'm fucking him over for two million bucks, if he wants a goodbye fuck to seal the deal, so be it."

"Victoria, don't push me," he warned.

"Two million dollars, James. The price is double, now. We will be out of the country as soon as he pays the ransom. Keep that warm for me," I ordered, massaging his package through his sexy clown pants.

I waited under the same tree the girls and James hid behind and waited.

He was right on time, of course. I could see Laurent watching so I kept my hands to myself, although I would have liked to caress Edward's package one last time.

"Hey, lover, long time no fuck , I was thinking about how you would want to buy me a birthday gift and I decided two million in cold cash would be a sentimental offering. Then I could give you a couple of small, useless things in return, and we could forget all about everything. I'll sign whatever papers you want."

Edward moved so fast I never saw him coming. He had me up against the trunk of the tree, his hands around my throat.

"Tree sex? Cool," I choked.

His hand slapped across my face and his breath was on my skin, hot and angry.

"You have one hour. I'm not bringing the police into this at all. Order your dogs to return my daughters, or I will kill you myself, Victoria. Tell your puppet here to go get them now. You are staying right here."

I would have called his bluff but his fingers were jamming into my neck, cutting off my air supply.

This was a different Edward to the broken, damaged weak little man I had met. His eyes were black, with no hint of their usual green. I think we had pushed him a little too far.

"Go get them," I gasped and Laurent nodded and ran for the car.


	14. Chapter 16

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 16

EPOV

It had been a long time since Victoria and I had stood this closely together and I couldn't imagine why I had ever touched her. Clearly I had been out of my mind that first night. There was no way I could have ever had a real relationship with a woman like her, and now all I wanted to do was kill her.

Her eyes were bulging and frightened, and I jerked her hair again, harder. God, even though I wanted Bella and my girls and my new baby, the feelings I was experiencing right now even eclipsed those.

I wanted to kill.

She shot a leg out, aiming for my crotch and I rammed a knee into her stomach instead and she sagged against the tree.

"Don't fucking move or push me, Bitch. You have no idea how close I am to snapping your neck at this moment."

"Eddie, be reasonable," she gasped and I slapped her again, hard.

"Nobody fucks with my family, Victoria. I thought you would have been smart enough to know not to try."

"I don't want to keep Tori, I just wanted some compensation for my trouble. You did promise to marry me, asshole."

"Keep pushing. I know this forest inside out. There's a thousand places to bury a body and nobody would ever find it. Where are my girls? Answer now."

"James has them. He'll send them back with Laurent. He loves me, he would never risk letting you hurt me."

"I would say he has my sympathy, loving you, but by the time we are finished with him, he'll never be capable of fucking any woman ever again, so I guess he will get what he deserves."

"We?" she asked, confused.

"Emmett and Jasper followed your little friend. You can't possibly think I'd take any chances with my girls, Victoria. You really are stupid."

"But you kept the police out of it," she replied.

"In a way. Charlie and his men will collect what's left of you all but for now, they are giving me the chance to do things my way."

"Eddie, let's make a deal. Just between you and me. Forget James and Laurent. They are nothing but you and I were something. We could be again. I'll even agree to raise her kid as well as Tori. Actually, I like Lucy better. She's more like the child I imagined I would have. So strong and brave. She hasn't cried, Edward, not once."

My body shook with rage and my fingers jerked and tightened of their own accord. Victoria's face turned purple and I had to breathe in deep and force my hand to release her. She fell to the ground, coughing and glaring at me through her tears.

She knew better than to move a muscle and I sat down beside her.

"You are the one who gets to pay, Victoria, not me."

I pulled out the legal papers Jenks had hurriedly drawn up and I pulled her knees up and rested the paper against them, handing her a pen.

"Witness," I said out loud and Charlie appeared.

Victoria signed her name shakily and handed everything back to me.

"Now?" he asked.

"Nope," I replied. "You don't get to arrest her until I have my daughters safe and sound in my arms. Until then, Vic and I are just chatting, catching up on old times, so you can go wait back with Bella. Be careful, Charlie, you know how easily accidents happen in the forest. We wouldn't want to be carrying _anyone _out of here in a body bag."

"Well, we do have two or three body bags on hand, just in case. There have been some animal attacks occurring lately. Not a lot left to autopsy after those. Talk is there could be a mountain lion or bear on the loose. Maybe even a lone wolf."

"And of course, a lot of hikers wander of the tracks and simply disappear," I added.

"Especially the townies who get a little drunk and go out at night," he agreed. "We lose a lot that way."

Victoria seemed to deflate in front of my eyes.

"You can't let him hurt me. You are the law," she said fearfully.

"I am the law and I do everything in my power to protect the innocent. Such as, small children. But I can't babysit hikers who should know better. If they were to end up in trouble and had no means of sending an SOS, it would be out of my hands," he concluded. "I should get back to my daughter."

With that he was gone. Felix strolled over and dropped three backpacks at my side.

"Just in case anyone goes hiking. When their bodies turn up, it's always best if they have their belongings beside them. Looks more authentic," he sighed contentedly.

I knew he wanted to make amends, even though none of this was his fault. I was the one to blame. I should never have left Bella in charge of the gate just so Emmett could boast about his prowess. I paid for professionals then substituted them with a lay person. Even if she had not been nauseated from the pregnancy and petrified thinking about my reaction to her condition, Bella still could have been fobbed off with fake wristbands for example.

I had been sloppy. This was my fault.

I checked my watch.

"You may want to put one of those backpacks on," I suggested to Victoria, standing up and pulling her to her feet.

"Give me your phone. Let me talk to James," she begged.

My phone rang out sharply, loud and insistent.

"Tell me, Jazz," I answered.

I felt her eyes on me as I breathed in sharply.

"An accident?"

"No, we had them safely locked in the bedroom," she cried out.

"Oh, Tori and Lucy are fine. It's James, I'm afraid. Went for a run and was hit by a car. Sorry."

I snapped my phone shut and dragged her to where Charlie's men were waiting.

"With my compliments."

X~x~X

I scooped my girls up as Jasper helped them from the car and held them tightly in my arms.

"Daddy!" Tori cried in delight.

Lucy was uncharacteristically quiet. "Hey Lucy, Mommy is waiting inside for you both. And Grandpa Carlisle wants to check you are both okay. Did anyone hurt you?" I asked.

"The bad man hit us both and made us get in the car. We didn't want to, Daddy. He said he would shoot you and Mommy if we didn't."

"Which bad man hit you?" I asked, barely controlling my anger.

"The one that ran away. James."

He was lucky he was already safely dead because my method of killing him would have been far less kind than a simple car accident.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I know you didn't want to go with him. Those people were bad and now they will have to live in prison for a very long time. You didn't do anything wrong."

"We just wanted to save Edward Kitten," Tori replied. "They lied. They didn't have any kittens or puppies."

"Bad people do tell bad lies. But it's over now and Mommy and I are just so happy to have you both back, safe."

Lucy clung to me and I carried them both to Bella, who was beyond speech at this point. Rose had convinced her to lie down in the bedroom and I plopped a daughter each side of her and lay down myself. Dad wanted to make sure nothing had happened but for now, we all needed a moment of sanity and reunion and I couldn't even consider how I would react if those men had touched my girls in an inappropriate way.

If they had, today would end in a bloodbath and I would have the entire Forks Police Force backing me up. Someone would be nominated to 'find' the remains of Victoria and Laurent in the forest and the morning newspaper would warn residents that there had been another animal attack, fatal for two hikers.

Bella kissed her two girls and hugged them into the sides of her body and looked at me as if I was the hero of the rescue effort. All those involved were the heroes. My girls were home safe and I would be showing them all my appreciation.

"Read us a story," Tori said, yawning. She seemed less traumatised than Lucy.

"Are you okay, Tori?" I asked, wanting to hear her express how she felt.

"I'm okay, Daddy. Lucy looked after me. I knew she wouldn't let them hurt us."

"And did anyone touch you girls apart from the nasty man that slapped you?"

"Toria picked up Tori but she put her down again. I don't think she liked her crying," Lucy replied.

I let out the breath I had been holding.

Lucy sat up and stared into my eyes.

"Toria said she would wrap the kitten baby in a blue blanket and give him to us to give to Mommy. But she didn't. She took us to the bad man's house."

"Did they give you a bath,or change your clothes for bed?" I checked. I know I was being paranoid but two fully grown men had gone along with Vic's plan and I needed to know what was in it for them. If it was merely the promise of money and sex with Victoria, fine.

"No, they left us dirty," Lucy replied. "They didn't take our clothes off."

Charlie had talked to the girls after Lucy's almost abduction and chatted about various things kidnappers might try and encouraged the girls to say "No' should anything uncomfortable be happening.

"Lucy was brave," Tori stated.

"I'm sure you were both very brave," I replied.

"Don't take them from me," Bella said, finally speaking.

"Dad just wants to check them over, then I will bathe them and put their pj's on them."

"I'll help," she insisted. I didn't argue. We both needed to wind down and see our girls were unmarked.

Carlisle came and took the girls off the bed and held their hands as he led them out. Esme smiled at Bella and assured her they would be right back. I lay beside her and stroked her back gently.

"It's okay , it's over. I will have Victoria charged with every available charge, including trespass and littering, I'm sure Charlie has a list a mile long. Parking without a permit included. We will pad this up as much as possible."

"James is dead?" she asked me, still unable to believe a life could end so fast.

"He tried to escape as the men closed in around the house and darted out onto the road in front of a car," I explained. "The driver had no warning and hit him. It was an accident, Bella."

"A real accident," she said in wonder.

"They do happen," I replied. It had been convenient, true, but real.

"James is dead. Lucy has asked for weeks now, who is dead? She must have sensed this somehow."

"Your dream was somewhat accurate, now I think about it. The black clown with the white face. The kitten baby. But not the ending. Tori and I will never leave you and we all want this baby, Bella. It will give the girls something positive to focus on. Help them forget this blasphemy."

Dad returned the girls to the bathroom and gave me the thumbs up behind their backs. Finally I could relax. We washed them clean and dressed them for bed, then all climbed into my bed.

Bella finally looked calm and at peace and I lay in the semi darkness, watching the sleeping faces of my three girls. Nobody would ever get close enough to harm them again.

"I still hate this room," Bella said suddenly. "We should both sleep in my room. It's prettier."

"Okay," I agreed. I would move in tomorrow.

"This could be the nursery, if we paint it a pretty color," she suggested.

"It would make a great nursery," I agreed. "But I think the new house will be finished before the baby arrives. I will make sure the builders make it their top priority."

"I thought you said they had two other houses to finish," she murmured.

Money talked and could put you to the top of the list. I was confident it would be fine with them to bounce us up in priority. We needed a new start in a new house. And it would have every security device known to man.

I wandered outside in the early hours, walking the perimeter fence. Felix was on guard duty and I waved for him to stay where he was. I just wanted to think and face my demons. I had been willing to kill, today, if it would have gotten my girls back home. I had never felt that way before and Victoria was lucky she lived through the ordeal to serve her time.

I guess we all have a monster inside us, waiting for the right trigger to release him. I was happy to have kept mine in check but it had been a close thing. I had enjoyed seeing her suffer and seeing her gasp for breath. When she did get out of prison, I was pretty sure she would keep herself far from us. Now she knew the real Edward Cullen, not the pale imitation she met before, I was sure she would never cross me again.

I would have paid the ransom if necessary but a kidnapper who gets rewarded for his crime never learns a lesson and I had to teach her and her friends the consequences of messing with the Cullen family.

I was the Alpha, and it was up to me to meter out justice. I was glad Bella never saw me like that, feral and untamed. She always lured out the softer, gentler Edward, who loved her completely and would never let himself ever treat her badly.

I never had. She knew that now, and it felt better since she knew the truth.

Maybe she would never forget seeing me with another woman, but that image was beyond my control to erase.

All I could do was replace it with the image of this me, of Bella's Edward.

X~x~X

**Sorry for it being so short, we have the first of the Christmas visitors here to stay. That's what happens when you live five minutes walk from the beach in Queensland!**


	15. Chapter 17

**Victoria, you use the f word (fluff) in this review and I swear the next chapter will consist of 2 words. "The" and "End".**

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 17

BPOV

I awoke to the sound of my girls re-entering Edward's bedroom, balancing my surprise breakfast in their hands. Edward placed a tray on my lap as I hurriedly sat up, and Tori leaned up to kiss my cheek as she placed a plate of toast on the tray. Lucy added a carefully placed glass of juice and both stood back, grinning.

"Thank you, this is perfect," I stated and sipped the juice and nibbled on the toast. Clearly Edward knew all about pregnant ladies needing just a snack to eat before getting up, to avert nausea. I would get the benefit of him being there for...that other pregnancy.

"Okay, girls, go eat your own breakfast and I will look after Mommy," he said, smiling and brushing his hand across the top of their heads.

The girls scampered away and he sat down on the side of the bed.

"You slept well. I was glad to see that."

"I was just so relieved to have them back, and you made me feel safe," I replied. It was true. Things would always happen, out of our control, but Edward would always do all he could to make them right again. I knew that.

"So, now you have calmed down, do you still want me to move into your bedroom?' he asked, his eyes betraying his fear that I had just spoken rashly last night. Despite everything, I could see Edward was still nervous and unsure about how I felt about him.

"I want that to happen. I can help you move your clothes," I offered. He visibly relaxed and smiled warmly.

"You are my Edward and I will always love you," I assured him. "I always did, I just had to pretend otherwise to survive. It was always there. I could always feel you, in my heart," I admitted.

He reached out and touched his old shirt, or, as it was better known, my pajama top.

"You kept this. You still wear it."

I shrugged. "It was my way of keeping you with me. It was all I had."

Edward lifted the tray down to the floor and slid back into bed.

"Feel this?" he said, placing my hand on his chest. "It's whole again. There was this gaping hole there, and it's been there ever since we split up. It's been there so long it was part of me and now it's gone. You fixed it, Bella. I didn't ever expect to feel whole again."

"Feel this?" I replied, placing his own hand on my chest. "It stopped beating that night and it's taken all this time to make it beat again. It's beating for you, Edward. You make me want to live and have everything we always wanted and planned. I know you love this baby, I know you want it, and you will find a way to make everything better, because that's what you do. You fix me and make me whole, too."

I felt his hand lower to my belly and he took it away and it hovered in the air then connected with my skin again.

"I can't believe we have what we always wanted. A baby we can share and be there for, already. It's like we get credit for the four years we already shared, and we get to fast forward to where we would have been had we managed to stay together. I don't think the fact we couldn't handle separation meant we were weak, I think it meant we loved too much. It was impossible to be happy and exist without the other. We didn't fail, we fell. We did build strong foundations, and we get to start building on them now. Like our house."

"Is it going to be big enough for all five of us?" I asked. I had not even shown any interest about what style of place he was building. "Is the money situation at Masen's going to delay building?"

"Bella, first rule of business. Never mix your own money with the money involved at work. My fortune is safe and in truth, if Carlisle and I have to bail out Masen's, we can and we will. We both intend finding where that money is stashed but money will never be an issue.

Alice is a genius when it comes to investing. She's already managed to boost the Masen account books back to about half strength. That's not the point. I want Alec to return what he took, even if the company doesn't need it. People have to pay for their crimes. I have, Victoria will, and Alec does not get a free pass because Alice has solved the financial issue."

"Good. But are you distracting me from asking about your house?" I asked with a grin. Edward always had a way of turning you from the issue at hand if he didn't want to talk about it.

"I hope you understand why I'm building this particular plan," he said, holding my hands in his. "I never dreamed for one minute you would ever be back with me, so I was grasping onto straws and trying to keep whatever parts of us I could."

I nodded. I understood that well.

"It's your houseplan, Bella. The one you drew when we decided to live in the meadow. The one you sketched in your Art block and gave me."

"You kept that?" I laughed. It was a pretty childish rendition of a house but I could recall most of it. "So, it will have that Music Room, overlooking the forest?" I checked.

Edward smiled. "It will. Just as you drew it."

"And you will play your piano again?"

"For you, my Bella, I would do anything."

"Then you had better remember those words, tonight," I stated.

"What's happening tonight?" he asked, nuzzling my throat and my earlobe and making all sorts of things happen.

I knew it should wait and be romantic and be special but this man does things to my head as well as my body and I couldn't help myself. I threw the blankets back and pulled him into his own bed and pulled the quilt over us both.

"Something like this, only tonight it will be slower, and longer and last forever," I promised, moving my torso against his.

"The girls.." he murmured as his hands caressed his 'other girls' gently.

"They have to get used to catching us together," I replied, kissing his chin, and his cheek and wherever I could reach as I grabbed onto his hair and ran my fingers through it.

"Bella, Bella, we should..."

Too late, we already were.

Somehow parts of him had found their way inside parts of me and they liked it there. I stared into his eyes and checked he really didn't want to stop and save this for later.

He didn't.

His eyes were hooded and darkening, and his body was on auto pilot as he thrust inside me gently, ever mindful of our precious cargo. I wanted to weep. I never had this before. When I knew Lucy was growing inside me, all I longed for was to have Edward make love to me so we could celebrate and be complete, and be a family. It was as much a mental thing as a physical and now I had it. I would have taken him back, despite everything, even back then. Even knowing he had been with her. I guess that makes me sad and pathetic and I guess most people would say I did the right thing, leaving, never calling him , never telling him about our baby but it never felt right to me.

Sure, I had my pride and my dignity but guess what, neither of them kept me warm and safe in their arms at night.

He was my Edward and I should have claimed him back and made her be the one who faced things all alone. He would have looked after her, financially and made sure she had whatever she needed but he would have chosen me over her. I know that, I just never gave him that choice.

I had been wrong. I played the martyr and ran away and refused to face up to what we had both done. I had excluded him from everything and made him want something, someone, just to feel wanted and needed, and all the time, I had wanted and needed him.

And I had almost done it again. Almost taken away this baby as well, because of things he had said, but he said them not knowing all the facts. Had he known this baby was already inside me, he would never have said we had to wait for the right time, and all that.

He wanted this baby like he would have wanted Lucy. I wish I had been strong enough to wait and stay overnight somewhere and confront him the day after that terrible birthday.

Or gone to his family and told them about the miracle Edward and I had created.

We could have worked things out and given Lucy her father back. I had robbed her as well.

The whole sex thing with Victoria had happened and couldn't be undone, but when one partner swims in dirty water, you do have to sit back and open your eyes and consider if maybe you pushed him into it.

Of course the impact of her pregnancy would have been hard to cope with but we had insisted we were adults, we could have accepted things and worked out a solution. Vic would have signed Tori over from the start, of that there was no doubt. How much better would all our lives have been had we always passed these girls off as twins? We could have waited for Tori to be born, then come home with our girls. Only Carlisle would have recognised the difference in ages of the 'twins' and he would never tell.

Sometimes one twin was smaller and lighter than her sister. Maybe Lucy would have just looked like the twin who got the better spot inside me.

No more mistakes. We were moving forward and there was no room for pride and selfishness. We were a couple, and a family, and we always had to consider everyone else as well as ourselves. I would always do what was best for my Edward and my daughters from this point onwards.

"Bella, God, I love you so much."

I put my head back where it should be, and let my body react to his touch and let him take me with him as he fell over the edge.

X~x~X

EPOV

"So, was _that_ a special cuddle? Are we having a baby _yet?" _Lucy demanded as I walked back into the kitchen with Bella's tray and placed it on the bench.

"Every cuddle with your Mommy is special, in one way or the other," I replied, mentally noting to shut the damned door in future. I should have known she would never miss a thing.

"And yes. Mommy and I are having another baby together. How do you feel about that?"

"Yay. Is it a boy or a girl?" Tori asked excitedly.

"We won't know for a while, Petal, Grandpa Carlisle will be able to tell us in a few months time but for now, let's just be happy this baby wants to come and be part of our family."

Lucy bit her lip and continued drawing in her book, moving the pencil harder and scribbling over her picture.

Crap, she wasn't ready for this. I should have waited and told her with Bella, like she had wanted.

"What's up, Luce?" I asked, sitting down beside her.

"Don't you love Mommy?" she asked, clearly confused.

"Of course I love your Mommy. She has always been the most important person in my life."

"But if you loved her, why didn't you marry her? Nanny Esme said that's what happens. People fall in love and get married, even if they don't do it the best way. Even if they go to Las Vegas and come home and surprise everyone and their family misses the wedding."

Oh, so she had heard the story of Emmett and Rose's wedding then. Mom still had some residual pain over missing that union. She felt cheated, after welcoming teenage Rose into our family from the very beginning, and welcoming her back after her fling with Royce.

I guess Mom felt Rose should have insisted they wait and get married at home, not in that drive through.

She had no expectations that Emmett would have considered her feelings, being an impatient male who had been desperate to weld his girl so tightly to his side. But Rose had let her down.

Mom had been robbed of playing Mother of the Groom.

She had loved that role when Jasper did 'the right thing' and held his nuptials in our backyard. Mom had beamed and walked on air all day, thrilled one son had done things by the book, and before Alice was even knocked up.

I guess this time she will have to choose which she prefers. My marrying my pregnant girl in her presence or us following in Emm's footsteps and just getting the deed done so this baby will bear my name from the get go.

I'm not fathering another Baby Swan, and that reminds me, we need to sort out the legalities of Bella becoming Tori's mother and me becoming Lucy's legal father. I want all this sorted, neat and tidy, before Mikaylie is born. Oh, also note to self, tell Bella about the name.

She has already said she wants me to have my turn choosing the name, seeing she and Vic named my first two babies with no input from me.

I'm happy with my girls' names but I do want to be the one who gets to name this one.

"I hope Mommy will agree to marry me, real soon, Lucy. I know she loves me and she knows I love her, isn't that the most important thing?"

"But Tori and I want to be flowergirls," she said, with a mischievous chuckle, and I got a glimpse of the old Lucy back.

She immediately did that thing, that Bella does. Closed off her eyes so the truth was hidden again, as she faced me and tortured her lip anxiously.

"Lucy, maybe we should all propose to Mommy. That way she has to say no to three of us," I suggested.

The girls giggled and I went to inform Bella the girls and I had some shopping to do and she should stay in bed and rest.

I redressed them in better dresses and their good sandals and we headed for Port Angeles and shops that sold what we wanted to buy.

The jeweller let the girls stand on a chair and inspect every ring I pointed out, as we made two piles. The "definitely nots" and the "maybe's."

There were a lot of 'nots' as Lucy dismissed diamond after diamond.

"Oh, she would hate that one," she said as the saleslady flashed the biggest and best of the lot at us.

"Look at this one, Daddy. It's green, like our eyes," Tori said excitedly.

"That isn't an engagement ring," the saleswoman said, dismissing the idea.

I wasn't so sure. Bella was not your typical 'buy me a massive diamond bigger than all my friends have' type of girl. She might like this ring, actually.

"I'd like to see that one, please," I insisted and the woman frowned as she handed it over.

"Goodness, it's simply adorable," Lucy sighed.

I'm not sure where she got that line from, I'm not up to date on old movies but it sounded a little Audrey Hepburn.

"I think Bella would love it," I agreed. It was an unusual setting, with an opal in the centre, surrounded by Japanese riverstones, set in pairs of identical matching gems side by side. Three pairs flashed green in the sunlight but the fourth and fifth were different. Deep velvety brown, and the sixth pair was definitely hazel.

I felt something tingle through me, like I had just had an epiphany.

Lucy stood before me, gazing at the ring. She pointed at each pair of matching stones individually.

"Daddy's eyes," she said, at the first stones. "Mommy's eyes," she continued.

"Lucy's eyes, Tori's eyes. Oh, that must be the new baby's eyes. Brown like Mommy's. And whose are those eyes, Daddy? Are you and Mommy having another baby after this one?"

The hazel stones shone back at me.

"Yes, I do believe we are," I murmured. I felt like this ring was showing me a glimpse of our future.

"And the big one in the middle is all our eyes mixed together," Tori pointed out.

"It's perfect," I murmured in wonder. It was nothing like the ring I had in mind when I walked into the store, but there was no way I could ever consider any other now. "We'll take it."

"Well, I guess it does have diamond chips," the saleslady conceded. I couldn't begin to explain a girl like Bella to her or anyone else. Diamonds were shiny rocks in her world, no better than a pretty piece of coloured glass. Possibly worse.

When one of our friends at school, Tanya, got engaged and flashed her massive diamond in the other girl's faces, Bella had frowned at it and leaned into me.

"Who decided the colourless stone was the expensive one we all had to lust after?" she had asked, confused.

"Bella, diamonds are a girls best friend," Tanya had barked back.

"Sure, I guess. If you like hard, cold best friends," she had replied, walking away.

It wasn't envy or jealousy, she just didn't get why a weed was a weed if it was as pretty as a flower, or why diamonds were so desirable when small pretty stones appealed to her more.

"My Bella will love it," I assured the doubtful saleslady as she wrapped the velvet box and sighed over me choosing a cheaper ring than the others she'd tried to steer me towards.

"I need two gold wedding bands as well. The best you have," I said, making amends. She rushed to her special ring showcase and brought them to me for approval.

The woman's ring was studded with tiny diamonds of perfect clarity, not that Bella would notice or care.

"Great. Wrap them up," I stated.

Our next stop was the Baby Shop, and the girls lingered and changed their minds constantly but finally we had a pretty yellow frock in the tiniest size and a small blue suit 'just in case' Mikaylie was a boy. I did want to have a son one day but somehow I'd always pictured Bella giving birth to my daughter first, and me being there to welcome her, so there must still be a little girl waiting to join this family.

Last stop was the bridal boutique. I wasn't crazy enough to choose a gown for Bella but our daughters both agreed on their flowergirl dresses instantly, so it was a done deal.

Bella was in the garden when we got home so we snuck our purchases into the house before she saw us. The girls got changed into their wedding finery and pulled on long coats to hide their dresses, and I swept Bella off her feet and carried her to the car.

"Where are we going?" she asked laughingly as the giggling duo climbed in as well.

"It's a special surprise," Tori answered.

"You will love it," Lucy added.

"Okay, lead me on," she nodded.

I pulled up at he meadow and the girls exited the car and ran to gather wildflowers, as planned.

"So, this is our house-to-be," Bella said, walking around the foundations.

The frame for the downstairs was already built, but you still didn't get much idea of the end result.

"Ready, Daddy," my girls shouted, losing their coats and revealing their red and purple tutu style frocks. No pink for our girls.

I led Bella down to the creek at the back, kneeling down on one knee. The girls did the same, one on each side, flanking me.

"Bella, would you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?" I asked hopefully.

"Do it. Say yes," the girls encouraged.

"How could I say no to you all?" she laughed. "Yes, Edward, I would love to marry you, and your daughters."

I jumped to my feet and opened the ring box and slid our ring onto her finger.

"Wow," she said, lifting her hand and looking at the ring. "Our eyes...your eyes, my eyes, the girls eyes...this must be the baby's eyes...oh."

"Mmm," I said in agreement. "And the next baby's as well. The one born at the 'right' time," I laughed, doing the air speech marks.

"That's amazing," she said, sitting down on the grass as our girls tossed badly torn flower petals over us. "I actually love this ring."

"I told you," the flowergirls chimed.

I would have liked to seal the deal right there and then but there were two small reasons we couldn't and Bella laughed as she read my mind.

"We could always take them to visit Carlisle and Esme, and come back to examine the house frame. Make sure it's sturdy," she said, with a twinkle in her eyes.

"I believe we owe ourselves a session against a wall," I winked. We had never finished what we started before that surprise birthday crowd had interfered.

Bella blushed at the memory.

"Hey, we can tick off 'having sex in public' thanks to your folks," I laughed.

"Mmm, I'm sure that would have shut them all up," she replied.

"Surprise," I laughed, rolling her onto the grass and kissing her lips.

"You are my best surprise, Edward," she said, gazing into my eyes, her own eyes open and readable for once. I was still in them, Jake was wrong. She just knew how to shield that at times, so nobody could see me there.

"I love you, my Bella. I always have."

""For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul," she replied.


	16. Chapter 18

**Sorry, I should have credited that quote, it was from Judy Garland's poem,**

**My Love Is Lost, so I used it a little out of context, the poem is not relevant to the story at this point but I'll put it here so you can read it..**

My love is lost.

I held it as a handful of sand, clenching my fist

to hold it there.

Yet, bit by bit, it slipped through my straining fingers.

Now, nothing but memories of every smile, every kiss,

and, above all, every word.

**For 'twas not into my ear you whispered but into**

**my heart.**

**'Twas not my lips you kissed, but my soul.**

And when I opened my tired hand and found my

love was gone

I trembled and died.

I struggle to hide my deadness.

To conceal the emptiness in my eyes,

that sparkle with tears always so close

but never come.

My mind quivers and screams, fight, fight to live

But why?

My handful of existence has vanished.

My love is lost.

My love is lost.

Chapter 18

BPOV

"A wedding?" Esme said in unconcealed delight. "Of course you must have it here."

"We would hold it in the meadow except the building work makes it a little unsafe," Edward explained.

"Oh, if course. But you know Carlisle and I would be so delighted to have you two get married right here. When? How soon?" she asked. Clearly she wouldn't even flinch if the answer was 'today' but would rustle up something.

"Okay, timing is important and we do have one other piece of news," Edward said, putting his arm around my shoulders and grinning.

"We're having a baby" Lucy shouted, too excited to allow Edward to make his own announcement. "A real baby, not a kitten," Tori added.

Edward laughed and shook his head. "They are right, we are having a baby. In about seven months time, so the wedding should be sooner rather than later so Bella can wear the dress she wants."

"You have the dress already?" his Mom said in surprise. I guess my reluctance to wear dresses was well known.

"Actually, Esme, I need to talk to you about that," I replied. She looked puzzled then her eyes opened wide in surprise and hopefully, joy.

"Bella, really? Oh My God. Of course the answer is yes."

Once upon a time, when we were in High School, Esme and I discussed the wedding I wanted to have, in the future, when Edward and I were adults and had proved we could last the distance. Despite the hiccups along the way, I still wanted that exact wedding, and part of that was for me to wear Esme's dress.

Renee understood.

When anyone in Forks was asked,"Who is the perfect couple?" the answer was always obvious, always "Esme and Carlisle Cullen" and just in case that dress she wore was somehow magical and guaranteed a happy ever after, I wanted to wear that dress.

Also it was so stunningly gorgeous it was a crime it had only ever been worn the once.

"Bella, you have always been the daughter I never had. I want you to wear my dress. I am going to cry," she wailed. Carlisle smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Bella, you are the only other woman I have ever wanted to see in that dress. This is going to be amazing," he said, shaking Edward's hand. "Well done, son. I knew somehow, someday, you would fix everything, and now you have."

"We didn't plan to add another baby to the mix yet," I admitted and Carlisle came over and took my arm, feeling where the implant sat. "I should take this out. The jury is still out on whether it's better to leave it in or remove it if pregnancy occurs, but I think we should err on the side of caution and remove it."

"Okay," I said, holding my breath. This meant he would cut me and there would be blood.

"In my experience, it's the baby who decides when it's arriving," Esme stated, smiling at me.

"It's a pity, really, that Lucy didn't begin earlier and ..." She stopped as she realised what she was about to say would have meant Tori would not exist had that happened.

Edward put his arms around her shoulders and hugged her in close.

"I understand what you mean. Who would have thought we would have coped better with a High School pregnancy than what did happen."

"I know it's wrong to think that way, but if it had happened then, you two would have always been together, and there was never any benefit from pushing you apart. Other than our other granddaughter, of course, and she is a blessing so perhaps it always had to happen this way. I'm just glad Bella accepts her as another daughter and doesn't see her as a reminder.."

"Tori was always meant to be ours, just like Lucy and Mikaylie," I answered.

"Mikaylie?" Esme asked with a smile.

"Talk to Edward. He chose it, and he loves it," I replied. I had never heard of it before but if he wanted a daughter named Mikaylie, so be it.

"I'm going to call her Mickey Mouse. I don't like Mikaylie," Lucy grumbled.

"Nooooo", Edward cried. "Mikaylie is a great name, you cannot call her Mickey Mouse. maybe Meeka or Kaylie," he grasped at straws.

"Kaylie," Lucy answered, deciding that was acceptable. "I'm going to draw a picture of her. She has brown eyes."

"How do you know that?" Carlisle asked with a grin. "So far Edward's daughters all have his eyes."

"Sometimes you just know these things," Lucy replied, outlining a fat pink baby on her paper. "And she has brown hair like Mommy and she's little like a doll."

"That all sounds very possible," Esme said, watching as Lucy gave the baby a head full of wild untamed hair. "Actually, Edward had hair like that when he was born. It took a few years for it to calm down and behave like proper hair."

"No, do not bring out the photos," Edward growled.

"Bring out the photos, Nanny Esme," Lucy replied. Tori jumped up and down and clapped her hands.

"One day you will learn," I informed him. If he wanted something kept hidden, he should plead to expose it, if he wanted his Number One daughter to back him up.

We all poured over the baby album and laughed at the small serious faced baby with the haystack on his head and I felt a little sorry for Kaylie if she did indeed inherit that.

"We need to see Bella's baby photos and consider how this one might take after her," Esme said.

"Charlie has numerous baby pictures somewhere," I replied. I think Dad had a camera welded to his hand for my entire childhood. Renee was less sentimental but thanks to her, the entire sitting room walls were not wallpapered with my image so that was a good thing.

"Do your parents know?" Esme asked.

"Nope. That's tomorrow's chore," I replied. I still can't decide if my own Mom will be pleased or disappointed that I am once again pregnant with Edward's unplanned baby. It will have to bring back memories of last time, and she was the one forced to cope with me and my black moods that lasted so many months. I shuddered myself, just remembering how empty and devastated my life had been.

But it is different this time. I have Edward at my side and we both want this baby.

"Why don't we invite Charlie and Renee here for lunch and we can all discuss the wedding?" Esme suggested.

I grasped on to that plan. How much easier if the announcement happened here, today. Mom would have to behave and react like this was good news. She would never betray how she really felt in front of Esme, if indeed she was disappointed in me yet again.

Charlie walked inside and handed Carlisle a pack of beer and a bottle of mediocre wine, and to Carlisle's credit, he took it in good grace and pretended it was a 'nice drop'.

Dad had no idea about anything alcoholic apart from his "Vitamin R" so it would have been a case of him asking the sales person what was a good wine, and possibly he would have put limit on how much he thought good wine should cost.

Thus this bottle.

"Can I offer you a cocktail, Renee?" Carlisle asked and my Mother smiled and pretended she drank cocktails all the time.

"That would be wonderful."

"What type would you prefer? I'm pretty sure I can make anything you desire," he replied, standing behind his bar, waiting for her order.

"Oh, I'll have whatever Bella's having," she answered, having no idea what any cocktail was named or contained.

"I'm actually sticking to water," I replied and immediately Renee's eyes narrowed.

"Why?"

"Champagne would be appropriate," Carlisle announced, pulling out a bottle and opening it with a gentle pop. Charlie handed around glasses and I took the tiniest sip, then realised everyone else was waiting.

"Bella and I would like to announce our engagement and the conception of our new baby. Cheers everyone," Edward said and I closed my eyes for a moment, and waited.

"Oh, that's wonderful," Renee replied. Charlie was grinning like he had just won the lottery and he patted Edward on the back.

"Well done on both counts, son."

I guess this was hardly the same circumstances as last time. That had been the beginning of a problem, this was more the start of the solution.

"I want a brother. Or a puppy," Lucy decided loudly.

"I want a real baby sister," Tori said and Lucy shot her a look. I was cheered that Tori felt secure enough to oppose Lucy's choice.

"But if it's a sister, it will share one of the bedrooms with us and i don't want a crying baby in my room," our eldest announced.

"There will be a nursery in the new house, right next to Mommy and Daddy's room," Edward replied.

"Oh, you and Mommy have to share. Okay then. I like having my own bedroom."

I chuckled, Edward was already 'sharing' my bedroom in the rented house, but I guess with our sleepovers in his bedroom, they hadn't attached any particular significance to his moving in with me.

"And we are having a wedding," Tori confided in Charlie when he sat down beside her. "Mommy is going to marry us all."

"That will be a day to really celebrate," my father said, looking at me and raising an eyebrow. "Yes sir, a day long coming."

"I'm really sorry it didn't happen earlier," Edward said and we all drank to that as well.

"No regrets," I said and put my barely touched glass down on the table and picked up the water instead.

"Actually, we do have regrets, both of us, but nothing that we can't handle and overcome," Edward corrected me.

"To overcoming regrets," Charlie announced, getting a taste for the most expensive drink he had ever taken.

"I have an announcement of my own, well, Charlie and I do. We are renewing our wedding vows," Renee said and Esme beamed.

"Gosh, it seems like we are the only ones not having a wedding ourselves."

Emmett and Rose arrived, followed quickly by Alice and Jasper and we all sat outside around the pool.

I pulled Alice aside.

"I'm sorry I lied to you. When that stick was positive, I truly felt more doomed even than when Lucy's test was positive. I never imagined this outcome."

"Bella, Edward loves you, why would he not want another baby with you? You know he has always mourned losing you and since he found out about Lucy, that's only added to the list of things he's wanted to change. And now he can. Now he can let go to the past and enjoy the present. So, I was wondering about your bridesmaids..."

"Alice, would you get Rose and bring her over here so I can ask you both together?"

"yay, so it's going to be a proper wedding then."

"Absolutely. There's no reason to change anything from the original way we planned it back in High School, except we will be adding two flowergirls."

"Three," she smiled, touching my stomach.

"Do you think it will be a girl? Edward really wants another daughter."

"I do. You have that look...like, there's a little girl inside."

"I hope he isn't disappointed if it is a boy."

"Edward? Never. You could give birth to a goat and all he would say is, 'I think we should name it Billy'," she laughed.

"I'm trying not to think about the birth," I admitted, "but it will be easier to have a baby rather than a goat so I guess it could be worse."

"You were alone, this time you will have all of us."

"I'm not that into circuses, Alice. And I think maybe Edward would prefer it to just be the two of us. Next time, sure, you can all be there."

"Next time? You are two months pregnant and have the birth scenario planned, and you already want another baby after this?"

"I always wanted a boy. A little Edward. I'm thrilled with girls, don't get me wrong but how could anyone be with Edward and not want a child that looks just like him?"

"Well, you have his clone daughters already."

"It's not the same. I want a son. I've never been into pink and frilly. I would like a boy to make mud pies with, and play ball with, and look ino his eyes and always see how much he is like Edward."

"And you don't get all that from your less than feminine daughter? I mean, Lucy is great but admit it, she's the original Tomboy."

"No," I laughed, "She's just like I was at that age."

Rose and Alice admired my engagement ring and I explained about the eyes, and strangely, it was that very day that the change began. Alice called the girls over to compare the emerald green of the stones to their eye colour, and we all got a shock. Tori's eyes had started to change, and become a mix of Victoria's brownish eyes and the original green.

"I think she is your hazel eyed child," Rose stated. "That means this baby or the last will be the second green eyed child."

"More importantly," I pointed out, "It means there goes any future plans Lucy has to pretend to pass herself off as Tori. They won't remain identical."

"God, bags not be the one who tells Lucy," Rose chuckled.

Edward was delighted that Tori's eyes were turning hazel, I think he feared Lucy's shenanigans as much as the rest of us, and over the next few weeks, when the girls were awake, it became easier every day to know who was who.

Jacob surprised me. After all the years of friendship we had shared, I felt I owed him a personal invite to the wedding, so I wrote one out and took it with me.

I took the girls with me to visit him and we walked along the beach at La Push, and Tori turned and ran back to tell us something and he saw her eyes.

"Are Lucy's changing too?" he asked hopefully.

"No, just Tori's. Lucy's are still emerald green and have no flecks even, so I think they will stay that way."

"Darn. I just don't love her eyes. It's too spooky, it's like Edward can watch everything you do through them."

"I would never do anything Edward wouldn't want to see anyway," I replied.

"No, you wouldn't, would you?" he sighed. "Bella, do you even realise how unfair things worked out for me? Does that ever cross your mind?"

"I didn't ask you to save your virginity for me," I pointed out. "Jake, you and I are friends and always have been. Don't spoil things. You know it was always Edward."

"Yeah, I do know that. But I deserve something," he growled and before I even knew what he meant, his arms were around me and his lips were on mine, hot and angry.

I struggled until I realised he was interpreting my actions as a passionate response, so I stilled and tried to shut my lips but he had firm hold of that darn pouty lower lip in between his own.

Finally he stopped and stood back, and I immediately called the girls. Unfortunately there was no need, they were both standing before us, looking on in shock.

"Back to the car, we are going home," I announced, and turned my back on Jacob.

"Bella, admit it. Deep down you know I would have been better for you than he is."

"Jacob, when I was alone and pregnant and needy, I still never turned to you. What does that tell you?"

"That you made the wrong choice," he replied.

"Whatever. I trust you understand this is me rescinding the invitation to our wedding?" I shouted and strapped the girls inside their seats.


	17. Chapter 19

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 19

EPOV

"All the money's there?" I checked, gripping my phone as I walked around the frame of our house and approved with a nod at the builders waiting to see I was happy with progress. The walls were strong, that we knew. Bella and I had given them that rudimentary test of strength and they had held up very well indeed.

"He's just initiated the transfer back to the original account," Jenks said and I checked as my phone beeped. The receipt was there.

"Thank Alec for us and give him my best. I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding, but all the same, he might find Italy a great place to live permanently," I suggested. Carlisle didn't want to lay criminal charges against his brother's son, and as we hadn't lost anything in the long run, I reluctantly had agreed.

My phone beeped again.

Bella.

"Thanks, Jay. See you when you get back, there's a bonus waiting for you."

I cut that connection and answered my wife.

She was always my wife, the wedding would just make it legal.

"What's wrong?" I frowned. It seemed no sooner had one problem been solved, than another took it's place. "I'm at the meadow, why? Bella, tell me now."

She refused to discuss whatever was bothering her here, of all places, so I agreed to meet her at the house.

I was there before she was, and I was relieved to see two small girls safe and well, though somewhat sombre. I barely got a glance and Lucy looked furious, while Tori had a tear in her eye. Bella looked panicked, but she shook her head when I asked worriedly if it was the baby.

"No, nothing too terrible. Nothing like that," she reassured me. "I just need to explain how this happened."

"How what happened?" I asked, my eyes darkening. Had Jake told her not to marry me? I know he had always hated me, and I suppose the things that had occurred hadn't helped endear me to him, but this was none of his business.

"Go inside and get the kittens out of their cages and take them out into the backyard," Bella instructed the girls. Tori nodded and Lucy stood there, with her arms crossed, glaring at her mother.

"Lucy, do what your Mom says," I said, backing Bella up.

Lucy followed Tori at a much slower pace and looked like she would explode if she didn't get to speak but I held up a hand. "I want Bella to tell me. You just go get Santa and feed her."

"I told Jake and he reacted in a rather strange way," Bella said as the door shut behind the girls.

"Let me guess," I said. "He told you to run away with him and never see me again. He was hardly going to congratulate you, Bella. You know how he feels."

"He kissed me. In front of the girls," she howled. "He grabbed me and kissed me, on the lips. Like he had the right to do that. They both saw, Edward. Lucy thinks I wanted him to do that, I think. Tori knows I didn't."

"Bella, you don't need witnesses. You've had years. If you wanted Jacob, I wasn't here to stop you coming home and choosing him. I would never believe you would wait and conceive my baby and then decide he was The One after all."

"Thank you," she whispered as I put my arms around her. I shook my head. Jacob and I needed to talk.

"So, I guess that was a 'sorry but I can't make it to the wedding' then," I added. "We can cross him off the guest list." I had agreed we should invite him but I had expected he may well refuse to come, and that was fine with me.

"He had better not turn up. I will hit him with my bouquet and I imagine Rose might do worse to him."

I laughed. There was no scarier sight to behold than Rose losing her temper and my balls cringed at the thought. I was just glad it was Jacob she would be after and not me.

"Forget it."

"The girls won't. I have to explain to them what happened. It wasn't like Lucy thinks."

"How about I chat to them, and you go make a cup of tea and relax? We have a baby on board, and I don't want it being under any more stress that it already has been."

She agreed and I went out the back, where Tori was clinging to Sami and Lucy was standing beside the sandbox. She dropped Santa into it as I walked up.

"Hey, Lucy, that wasn't kind. Santa didn't do anything wrong. Neither did your Mom," I picked the kitten up and rubbed it's back. It seemed unhurt.

"When you two girls are older, you will find out that a lot of different boys will like you and think you are beautiful and want to be your boyfriends. Some of them, you will like back, and be happy to kiss. Some of the others, you won't like, and you won't want them to kiss you. Sometimes, someone thinks they are the better boyfriend for you and they won't respect your choice. Jake has always wished Mommy was his girlfriend and right now he is very sad that she chose me, us, and not him.

He made a mistake and I know he will be sorry, and he will apologise to Bella. He's been her friend for a very long time and he won't want to lose her completely. I think we should all forgive him. We have us all, our family, and right now Jake has nobody to love him, and live with him, and that has made him sad and a bit angry. Just like Lucy feels angry inside. She didn't mean to drop Santa like that, did you?"

"No," she whispered, reaching for the kitten. I handed it to her and she sat on the grass and held the animal against her cheek, crooning her remorse at it.

"Okay, so we forgive Jake and he is our friend again?" I checked. Tori nodded, and Lucy bit her lip, then nodded as well.

"I will go check on Mommy, and make you girls a snack. I bet you are hungry."

"Can we have Ben and Jerry's?" Lucy asked.

I agreed. I guess the habit of turning to ice cream in times of stress started young. Bella had admitted that was the main ingredient of her diet when Lucy was under construction, so I could hardly blame our daughter for her addiction.

Bella was already consuming the cookie dough variety when I got inside.

"You realise Lucy already associates this with stress relief medication?" I laughed.

"Sure, blame me. Renee forced me to eat it. She said at least I'd get calcium from it. I had no idea the baby could become addicted as well."

"Hey, you did an amazing job and I can live with another ice cream addict in the house. And I suppose this one will be, as well."

I knelt before Bella and placed my hand on her belly. I can't describe the excitement this pregnancy caused me to feel all day long. Carlisle kidded me that I was worse than the first time Dads but in a way, I was a first time dad all over again. This was my ultimate fantasy. If anyone thought it strange how much I loved this baby and the woman carrying it, well, they had no idea what true love was.

I lifted her top and kissed her belly.

"Edward, you really want to stay away from that region. You are making me want you to do a lot more than kiss my abdomen."

I stood and grabbed two spoons and the container of ice cream and hurriedly handed them out to the girls.

"Mommy has a headache so I'm going to give her a massage. Share this between you. Just...eat. And stay out here."

"All of it? The whole container?" Lucy pushed.

"Whatever, Lucy. Just don't get sick."

Bella was not in her chair when I got back inside and I ran up the stairs and found her waiting.

Naked, spread out in front of me.

I love pregnant Bella. So hot and horny. My shirt disappeared and my jeans followed and I pulled my boxers down and stroked my own aching erection in anticipation.

"Keep doing that," Bella said through half closed eyes, watching me.

"I'd rather you did it," I suggested. "My hand has been my partner for far too long now."

"Then let me taste it," she said and I moaned.

"Come on Edward. Bella wants to taste you," she crooned and I couldn't resist. I lay down beside her but upside down to her and sought my favorite place between her legs as I felt her take me inside her own mouth. Her legs hugged around my head as I licked and tasted and found the spot she liked me to suck on. No way was I coming before she did, and I knew I was not going to take long at all, the first time, so I had to get her there before me.

"Uh uh, I'm getting you off first for once," she said and I growled. "No way. Ladies before gentlemen."

"Then I guess it's Game On," she replied, jerking my dick with her hand and taking just the tip inside her mouth, teasing it with her tongue as she cradled my sac and gently rolled it. I groaned. This might be one race she would win.

"_Think of Jake kissing your Bella. That should cool your ardour," _my inner voice suggested.

"Damned dog," I murmured as I sucked her nerve bundle harder, and she gasped and tried to pull away a little. I grabbed her thighs and slid my hands to her backside and held her still, close against my mouth.

I needed to replace all memories of that forced kiss from her head and make her associate me kissing her here whenever she brooded about what he had done to her.

"God, Edward," she choked out around my throbbing erection, as I teased her unmercifully. Just as I claimed victory and felt her still and start to shake, the sound she made undid me and I came inside her throat.

She swallowed repeatedly and I came again. God knows this woman has me in the palm of her hand.

"Bella," I sighed, closing my eyes and admitting defeat.

"I believe it's one to you and two to me," she chuckled as she released me from her mouth.

"Then I get to try again," I insisted and sat up, reaching for her. She smiled as I sat myself against the bedhead and helped her straddle my lap. I liked this position the best of all and she knew it. I had access to her breasts and her lips and I could bury myself deep inside her body and hold her close or watch her eyes.

It was a hard choice. I loved seeing her eyes change colour and hood, and her mouth open a little and reveal her desire. She was my everything, it was as simple as that truth. I was nothing without her but with her, I was a king and I could handle anything the universe threw at me.

She smiled and stroked my face and I wanted to weep like a baby. How did this happen? How the fuck did I get so lucky? Much as my first instinct had been to go hunt down Jacob and rip him apart, I had all this and he had waited and hoped and saved himself and still had nothing.

I think I understood him a lot more than Bella did. She had no idea what a precious unrivaled prize she was, and how there simply was no other woman to replace her and I was the winner and he was the loser. Nothing I did to him would hurt him more than that knowledge.

If she chose to punish him further, that was her decision, but I lost interest in even confronting him as my Bella held my gaze and moved against me.

"I love you more than my own life."

That was admitting an awful lot because my life was perfect now.

Bella smiled and my whole world was filled with wonder and joy and as she came around me, I knew we were so incredibly lucky to have found one another again, that apart from our girls and the baby, nothing else mattered.

"I want a boy," she whispered in my ear, and suddenly it was what I wanted as well. I wanted to give her everything her heart desired. "I want a little Edward who looks exactly like you."

"Then the 'right time' baby has to be a girl who looks like you," I replied, kissing her tenderly.

"That was one heck of a kiss you gave me," she whispered and that did it. I pumped inside her and she gently ran her fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head as I let the pleasure roll over me and pull me inside her even more.

If she hadn't been pregnant already, she sure as heck would have been now.

"You are happy about the baby now, aren't you?" I checked.

"Edward, a hundred babies of yours would not throw me now I know you want him as well."

"I hope we get the little boy of your dreams," I murmured, kissing her throat.

"Well, I already have the man of my dreams," she replied. "I love you, Edward. You have always been the only man i could ever love."

"I know. I hope you do believe I am so sorry for ever being with her. I was so broken, I thought I would die without you."

"If she saved you for me, all is forgiven. And she gave us Tori, our beautiful little daughter."

I could not possibly love her more than I did now, but I would try to. I would at least love her completely and utterly forever. As long as we both shall live.

"_Hey God, thank you so much for bringing her home to me, I really do appreciate it. Just one other favour, while I have your attention. Never make me have to live without her again, please. When it's our time, let us go together. You know we are useless apart."_

How ever much time we have left on this planet, it will be enough, because she is mine for eternity, in this world and the next.

We showered slowly, lazily, making soap bubbles and I clothed Bella's breasts with the soft pink spheres and then blew them away to reveal her pink nipples.

"Mine," I muttered randomly.

"You will have to learn to share when the baby arrives," she warned me. I palmed her breasts and resolved to enjoy them every single day until our baby needed them for itself.

X~x~X

"Why on Earth are you nervous?" Emmett laughed, slapping the back of my head.

"It's Bella. I can't believe she is really going to walk down that aisle and promise to be mine forever."

"She could have done better, but heck, I'm already taken," Emmett replied.

"And I'm taken too, so I guess she gets the lesser of the three Cullen boys," Jasper added.

"Stop it. This is Edward's day and you will all be nice," Mom warned as she attempted to choke me by 'fixing' my tie.

"I just hope that hair stays in place until after the photos," she sighed.

"Mom it has more hair gel in it than a hairdressing salon," I growled.

"But you should have had it cut shorter," she complained.

"Bella likes it like this. It's how it was in High School, when you lot should have let us get married," I retorted.

"Bella likes something to grab onto and force him in closer," Emmett chuckled.

Mom slapped him and Jasper nearly peed himself laughing. "if they kept it at that, she wouldn't be preggers."

"I'm warning you both. You are not too big to...hit with a broom," Mom decided.

"We'll be good. Were you good, last night, Edward? I know it was your bucks night and traditionally you were meant to get off with the stripper..did that happen?" Emmett asked, trying to keep his face straight. What Mom didn't know was, my 'stripper' was Bella and she saved the show for me alone, and took me to the meadow where she definitely saw the feral side of me.

I had really tried to keep under control but honestly, she wanted me to go crazy and fuck her brains out. I realised afterwards, she was exorcising her own ghosts and wanted us to be as wild as what she had seen that terrible birthday.

I had never let myself go with her to that extent, because with her, there was all that love involved, and it had kept me needing to protect her and treat her with respect.

Respect it seemed she hadn't wanted, last night at least.

I had never imagined we could be like that, as a couple, and the images were stirring me up so I kissed my Mom's cheek and came back to the present.

"You know I would never touch any other woman ever again?" I asked my Mother.

"I do know that. I didn't raise any complete morons, though sometimes I do wonder..." she said, slapping Emmett.

"You only had boys because you think it's fun to physically abuse us," Emmett complained.

"When you are right, you are right," Mom agreed. "Emmett, what's that smudge on your cheek?"

She pulled out her handkerchief and licked the corner. Our gran used to do that when we were children and Emmett always went insane, dodging the fabric with Gran's spit on it.

"I'll be good," he promised and she laughed and put it away again.

"It's time," Carlisle announced, and my brothers and father and I walked to our places. We attracted a few smiles as we were looked over and found acceptable, but the moment the music started, we became invisible, as the congregation did to me.

The bridesmaids looked amazing, I guess, going by my brothers faces. The flowergirls stole the show from them but even they were eclipsed.

Bella had every eye on her, and she walked slowly and steadily on Charlie's arm. I stepped forward and opened my own arms and pulled her into them when Charlie handed her over to me.

Not quite the traditional way of accepting his daughter, but she looked like she needed a hug.

"Thanks. I was sure I would faceplant in these shoes," she whispered in my ear.

I knelt down and removed them, one at a time and she smiled down at me.

Alice shook her head and Rose laughed.

I stood up and handed the shoes to the girls, and Lucy calmly put hers in the flower basket of rose petals on her arm, so Tori followed suit.

"Dearly beloved..."

She was my dearly beloved. I smiled into her eyes and spoke when Emmett poked me in the ribs, warning me to come back to the present and stop being lost in those brown velvet windows. I could see I filled them again, completely. She made no attempt to hide that.

"You may now kiss the bride," he said and I took him at his word and dropped her down in my arms and honed in to kiss her like she had never been kissed before.

"Edward," she gasped when it was done. She looked a little pale and I straightened her up again and held her tight. "Just breathe, Bella."

The guests laughed quietly and we walked arm in arm past them all and accepted their best wishes. Jacob Black was in the very back row, and Bella stiffened as we approached. I took the lead and accepted the hand he offered.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he murmured and I nodded at him and she allowed him to kiss her on the cheek. An awkward moment passed and we continued to the dance floor.

The wedding was being taped, and we didn't want a bunch of formal photos, we could grab any screenshots later. Tonight was a celebration of our love, and I just wanted her in my arms, as we moved across the dance floor.

Alice and Jasper joined us, as did Emmett and Rose, and then Charlie and Carlisle accompanied our daughters and stood them on top of their feet and carried them around. The mothers' were standing together, beaming and all was right with the world.

Emmett came up beside us, holding Rose closely.

"We are having a boy. The second Cullen grandson," he said with a smirk.

"We will see about that," I replied. We were having a boy as well but we hadn't told anyone. I glanced at Bella, but she just grinned.

"The race is on," she whispered as we danced away. "I suppose we have had the first two granddaughters, so he should get to win this time."

"Nope, I learned young, never let Emmett win anything," I replied. "Just keep our little boy inside long enough to let him be mature and healthy, then we shall beat them to the finish line."

"It's the second boy. Austin already holds the title of first grandson. I don't see the importance," she replied.

I shook my head.

"Women. You think cars are for getting from one place to another, and football is just a game, and that brothers should forget their competitiveness and grow up. They just don't get us."

"He'll be the first Swan grandson, isn't that enough?" she asked.

"Trust you to point that out. It is enough, Bella. Its more than enough."

I kissed her again and flashes flashed and people clapped and all in all, it was one of the top ten best nights of my life.

I can't tell you the top one.

It's too private.

Bella grinned and nodded. "Best night ever," she sighed, reading my mind. "but this one is good, too."

X~x~X


	18. Chapter 20

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 20

BPOV

"So, will our brother be Little Edward or Young Edward? Is Daddy Big Edward or Old Edward?" Lucy asked me.

I cringed at either. Little Edward was something else entirely, and not so little. Old Edward was just rude. He was far too young to be saddled with a name that made him sound older than Carlisle.

"Maybe we could name him his own name and not Edward," Tori suggested.

"Maybe we could," I agreed, pulling up the bedcovers and straightening the comforter.

"I guess it depends what he looks like. If he looks a lot like your Daddy, I am going to find it hard to call him anything else but Edward."

"I can think of a good name," Lucy insisted. "Thor or Ironman."

Maybe I could change Edward's name to Ironman and leave his previous name available for our son. He certainly did a good imitation of being made of iron. I shook the thought away. God knows it was hard ever leaving the bed of a morning as it was. I had Pregnancy Disease. I wanted sex all the time and mostly, Edward had obliged, but it was getting ridiculous, making up excuses to sneak upstairs to fuck against the wall because that was quickest.

The girls were getting used to us disappearing and I cringed at the thought of the jokes Emmett would make once Lucy innocently blurted out news of our frequent absences.

Rose knocked on the front door as she walked inside and the girls raced downstairs to see what she had baked today.

Her morning sickness had passed as quickly as my own, so we were both back to the occasional coffee, and frequent cake eating. I would end up resembling a beached whale soon. The greenies would be guarding my body at the beach to make sure nobody tried to float me back out to sea when I got beached.

"Ginger cake," I said in glee as she opened her container, having given the girls a tin of cookies.

"Don't eat all of those," I warned them.

"They won't eat so many they get sick," Rose retorted.

"Mommy just wants to make sure we keep some for her to steal later," Lucy replied, taking a cookie and biting it in half, moaning in pleasure.

"Go sit outside and behave," I ordered, handing Tori two glasses of milk and holding the door open for them.

"God, that child moans like you do," Rose commented, pouring a weakish coffee and adding milk. If we added milk, that meant we were just drinking it so the babies got calcium.

"I miss sex. Do you?" she asked, and I blushed.

"Bella, what the fuck? Don't tell me you still do it? How can you? Isn't everything sensitive and too tender now for a proper fuck? I can't stand Emmett doing it like I'm made of porcelain but anything more and it hurts."

"You should ask Carlisle about that because for us, it hurts so good," I snickered, eating another slice of cake.

"You dirty cow," she muttered. "I miss sex, and alcohol and cigarettes. This kid had better be worth it."

"It will be," I reassured her. "It's amazing, having a little human being you made yourself, being all dependant on you. Makes you feel important and necessary."

"Emmett already makes me feel that way," she replied, puzzled. Her face changed to understanding. "It's going to be so different this time, for you. So much better. It must have been horrible, not having him there with you while you gave birth."

"It was like being in a torture chamber. Surrounded by strangers, being torn apart and nobody there to even hold my hand," I sighed. I would super glue Edward to my side in the last month, to ensure he had to go in with me this time.

"So, tell me about the sex. I have Alice telling me about her drunken escapades, and I watch Jasper out the back smoking, away from the house so he doesn't sully the air inside with Austin and all, but I live vicariously through them. Now I just need to hear about the hot sex you two indulge in."

"I can't talk about it, Rose, or I will jump the mailman when he arrives. All I can tell you is, there's no such thing as enough these days. I would probably sneak into Edward's office and do him on his desk if I could."

"Why can't you? Since you quit working, what's to stop you?"

"I appear to have two daughters and I can't very well drag them to Masen's with me and leave them in Reception while I defile their father."

"You should. Defile Edward, I mean. I can mind the girls and you two could have lunch out together, while you are at it. Well, not while you are at it exactly. After you were at it."

"Really? That would be great. I need to go buy some larger jeans and tops and things."

"Crotchless panties take away the need to remove your underwear for a quickie" she replied, laying her head down on her arms on the table top. "God, those were the days. I hope everything settles down before I'm so fat Emmett can't get his good bits into mine because of the bump in the way."

"Try lying flat on the bed with your legs hanging down over the side, and him standing between them," I suggested.

"That would work," she replied thoughtfully. "How come your bump is half the size of mine, anyway?"

"It won't be for much longer," I replied, taking more cake. It was true my stomach was still small by comparison to hers but that was not through the lack of eating everything in sight.

"Go, be gone. I have to be home by dinner time to try out that position," she growled.

What to wear?

I looked through my clothing for something tight enough to keep my boobs on show but loose enough to hide my thickened waistline. A dress, that was the one definite thing. No panties, so we could do this thing fast before anyone noticed.

I grabbed a newish dress I had barely worn and tried it on. Being black with a tiny red rose print, it hid my shape well and it was low enough at the neckline to call to every male eye to look here, anyway.

The girls were happy to stay with Rose as their minder, so I headed for Post Angeles and Edward, with a packed lunch for him in case I used up his whole lunch hour doing things other than eating. He could snack at his desk later. A whole hour. I hoped the desk was comfortable. I hoped the door had a lock.

I hoped Edward had a hard on, but that was never a problem.

"Bella," he said in surprise as I slipped past the receptionist with a wave and opened his door.

"Is everything okay? Are you and the baby all right? The girls?"

"Sure, I just wondered if you were missing me," I replied, stepping in close and kissing his lips gently. His hands roamed over my back and he stepped in close and chuckled into my throat.

"Of course I miss you. Can you feel how much?"

That was the first possible problem solved.

The desk looked kind of hard and wide and Edward laughed as I looked it over with a calculating eye.

"Sorry, Baby, I didn't demand my desk be one that converts to a bed. How foolish of me."

"Your chair looks nice and strong," I said, hopefully.

"Maybe. I've never taken it for a test drive. It did cost a lot of money, according to Carlisle. It's all ergonomic and especially shaped for back support. I think it would support us both easily."

"That's good to know," I replied. "And does the door have a lock?"

"No, but there's nobody here on this floor except the receptionist. I could always ask her to go fetch us some coffee."

"From Brazil," I suggested. "They have good coffee there."

"I'll tell her to walk there, shall I? No boats or planes, just her feet and her swimming skills."

"Perfect," I agreed.

He went out to speak to her and came back all smiles as we heard the elevator descend.

"I gave her two hours off for lunch. Now she thinks I'm the best boss she ever had. She'll be bragging to her friends about what a wonderful person I am."

"So will I, if you prove you are," I promised. Edward walked us to his chair and sat down, and I straddled his legs and undid his pants.

"God, I'm going to miss you being pregnant when this baby is born. Six weeks and no sex. How will I survive? I don't think we have gone six hours without it lately."

"Then we need to make hay while the sun shines," I suggested. "We both know how horrible it is to go through a long drought, six weeks will be nothing."

"No, it will be six weeks, or forty two days, or one hundred and twenty six times we don't get to do it."

"You averaged it out to only three times a day?" I said in surprise.

"Bella, if I get a more realistic figure, it will just make me cry. Maybe we need to average five times a day until then to make up for missing out, in advance. Hey, how did you manage with Lucy's pregnancy? Weren't you horny like this that time?"

"No," I replied. Horny hadn't come in my top ten feelings. I'd been so depressed and lonely, sex really wasn't something I dwelt on. In fact, every time I thought about it, the vision in my head was not of Edward and I together, but that other sexual encounter I had seen, and wished to God I had merely heard about instead.

I pushed it away and locked it back in it's box, banished forever, I hoped. We have moved on and thinking about that will never help us progress. Instead I remembered our first time ever, and smiled at how young and innocent and in love we had been, and how hot I had felt for him. He'd been a little reluctant to take that final step, always overthinking, always wanting to do 'the right thing' but I'd won and he'd given in gracefully.

"Do you remember our first time?" I whispered in his ear as I lowered myself onto his lap, and felt him inside me.

"Of course I do. I think we were surprisingly good for first timers. We had no problem working out what went where," he snickered.

"I shouldn't imagine we would, after all the exploring we had done by then. You knew your way around to every destination without any need for a map. You had a surprisingly good sense of direction."

"I only needed to know which direction to point in," he pointed out.

"But you hit the right spot the first time," I replied, moving on his lap, grinding against him.

"Slow down, we have two hours," he murmured, burying his head in my chest, his hands pulling my dress top down and undoing my bra.

"How many times can we do it in two hours?" I wondered out loud.

"How about just the once, but with many happy endings?" he suggested.

His hands were busy, stroking and rolling and massaging and we had only hit our first peak when his phone rang.

"Edward Cullen," he replied, holding the phone receiver under his chin and never missing a beat as he sucked on my nipples and only pulled off to speak again.

"Not a problem. What's the new estimated time of completion?" he asked, winking at me and inserting his thumb between where we were joined.

I stifled a groan and rode against it as he thrust upwards and in deep. The extra stimulation of his thumb pushed me right over the edge again and Edward watched my face with hooded eyes as I suppressed every sound I wanted to scream.

He was holding back himself so I decided what was good for the goose, and swore to myself that I would make him come before he ended this call. He had foolishly revealed he found that nipple stimulation seemed to make him come sooner and harder himself, last time I had been messing with his nipples during sex, so I grabbed them tightly inside his shirt and gripped him between my inner muscles as I did my ladies exercise routine and squeezed his erection.

"No, stop," he mouthed and I wrinkled my forehead.

"Stop what?" I mouthed innocently back, gripping him tighter by his own teats. To think they were considered useless on men.

"Bella," he mouthed as his yes darkened further and he writhed inside me helplessly.

"Good, good, that's good news," he choked into the phone, too close to stop now. I rode him harder and gripped everything tighter.

"I have another call, I'll get back to you," he said in a rush and dropped the phone as he grabbed my hips and thrust in harder still until he exploded, panting loudly.

"Is everything okay, Mr Cullen?" the voice from the phone asked and I couldn't help laughing out loud as Edward cut the connection properly.

"You are a very bad Bella," he growled once he could speak again. "You do realise that was our builder and he now thinks I have sex with someone here in this building while my innocent but lovely wife is clueless, at home with the kiddies."

"I wonder if he will tell me about it?" I pondered.

"He told me some deviants had been fucking inside the house frame, using it for support," he replied.

"How could he tell?" I asked.

"CCTV, we are just lucky it's a cheap system and the pictures are really grainy and pixelated."

"Damn, we almost had our own porn movie," I said with regret. "Why does he have CCTV there?"

"Vandals, thieves. He didn't share that little precaution he'd set up, with me," Edward explained.

"So, when is the new completion date?" I asked, as his phone rang again.

"Bella, this is possibly a conference call I'm expecting. You need to move off me. There will be web cams involved."

I stood up and went into his executive washroom to freshen up while he rearranged his bits and did up his pants, before answering. I shuddered at the thought of him being all sticky and messy and washed out a washcloth in warm water and squeezed it out.

His desk opened both ways, it would be easy to crawl under and wash him clean and nobody would be any the wiser.

Edward frowned as I returned to his office and got onto my knees. I crawled under and smirked to myself as I eased his zip back down and washed everything in reach. He seemed to enjoy it, especially Little Edward who stood up and begged for more, so I did a thorough cleaning job and kissed him once he was all fresh again.

I was about to back out when Edward placed a hand on my head and guided me onto him.

Oh, I see. He was taking advantage and calling my bluff. I opened my mouth and took him inside and heard him gasp a little.

"All okay, Edward?" his father asked through the system.

"Hmm, fine," Edward nodded and agreed. He slid down in his chair a little and shut his eyes, as if really concentrating on the numbers his father and some third person quoted back and forth.

I knew Edward would keep his own movements to a minimum so it was all up to me, but that meant I could control everything. Like bringing him close to the brink them slowing way down and starting over again a few minutes later.

I guess I pushed things a little too far as I heard Edward growl, and he clutched at his hair.

"Dad, Charlie, thanks, I have to go, my head's killing me, I'll call you both later."

He shut down the system and grabbed me up and onto his hard desk and impaled me as he lay me across it and stood beside it, in much the same position as I had recommended to Rose.

"You are such a naughty girl. Wait until I get home," he gasped as he thrust inside me, and exploded hard and long, shaking with relief.

He helped me up and checked me for bruises then slapped my backside.

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and to ban unsuitable visitors from this building. You, my lady, can consider yourself banned," he whispered in my ear, as he stroked my back.

"Are you at least taking me to lunch?" I asked.

"Bella, have you learnt nothing? You make the man feed you before sex, not after. You are such an innocent."

"Sure. Innocent," I echoed. "Who is Charlie, by the way? The other man on the conference call?"

"I didn't think I had to introduce you to your own father," he replied. "He's helping us figure out a pension fund type thing. The police fund is simple and effective so he's explaining how it's set up."

"My father. Charlie," I choked.

"See, naughty girls always get caught out," he laughed.

X~x~X

Rose nearly wet herself laughing as I related the events of the day before she left. I guess it sounded funny, but I would never be able to look my father in the eye again. I also worried what was going on below the desk may have been obvious to Carlisle as well, and neither would suspect it was me under there. They would be like the builder, thinking Edward was playing away.

"He's probably really mad. He did ban me from ever going back," I stated.

"Maybe you should have ambushed him in the car parking garage," Rose said.

"That would definitely be caught on film," I replied.

"You know Emmett is an expert at cleaning up bad tapes. Maybe you should ask the builder for that footage of those deviants and Emm could make it all clear and pretty for you."

"Thank you for babysitting, Rose, now go home," I answered.

"Or we could add it to the annual tape Jasper puts together of us all throughout the year to show Carlisle and Esme and all their relatives on Christmas Day at dinnertime," she chortled. "Did you ever see the footage from the surprise party? It's mainly Edward's back but anyone with an ounce of imagination knows what he was doing to you against that wall. Oh, that was in front of Charlie too. Do you have some weird fetish about having sex in front of your father?"

I shut the door in her face and went upstairs to shower.

I had the girls bathed and fed and ready for bed by the time my husband returned. He did the story time and ate dinner with me, just relating bits about the new building completion date nd such, never referring to today's misadventures until we slid into bed.

"Bella, I have a confession to make," he whispered as he entered my body. "I had some very hot sex today with this woman who visited my workplace. I'm afraid I had no control and I fucked her several times and let her suck on parts of me reserved for your lips."

"Did you like it?" I asked him.

"I'm afraid I did. Not only that, but if she ever comes back there again, I'm going to fuck her some more," he said, biting my ear.

"So, she's not banned?"

"I was too hasty with that ban, I'm sorry."

"Have you spoken to your Dad since that conference call?" I asked nervously.

"Yes, sure. I had to discuss more of the details of that fund so I called in at the house on my way home."

"Did he look you in the eye? Or slap your back and say you were a son-of-a-gun or anything that indicated he knew what happened?"

"He did say to tell you to take it easy on your knees and be careful the angle you got your back into, with all your ligaments being looser and softer now."

"So, he did know, and he knew it was me."

"My parent's know I have learned my lesson and will never be with any other woman but you, Love. He never doubted who was beneath that desk."

"I don't know whether to hope Charlie is as perceptive or not," I sighed.

"Oh, he is. He sent me a text. It says 'I told you the Swan women were worth the wait, right?'"

"Wonderful," I moaned. "So now just the builder thinks you are a player."

"I doubt it. When I called him back, he asked me if you had any unmarried sisters at home? I don't think he was compiling your family tree."

"Great, so basically every man I know thinks I'm a whore."

"Bella, my darling, there is nothing wrong with being a whore for one man," he said, kissing me tenderly. "Especially seeing I am that lucky bastard."

X~x~X


	19. Chapter 21

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 21

EPOV

Emmett held his wife's hand and grinned jubilantly. We'd all been invited in the Labor Ward to cheer Rose on and by the look of things, she'd be moved to Delivery quite soon.

Bella had been, stayed for an hour, and headed home again. She was tired and several days overdue and while Rose had become more and more fed up as her due date approached, Bella seemed to wish her own pregnancy would go on forever.

I'd lost interest in racing my brother to become the father of the next grandson, and just wanted Bella to open up to me and express her fears about the birth.

Dad had taken her on a tour of the Maternity Unit, and the Labor and Delivery wards and promised she could have an epidural as soon as her contractions were established, but still she had turned pale and almost grey at the very thought of having to go through the birth process again.

I'd assured her until I was blue in the face that I would be there for her this time, no matter what.

Renee had taken up residence in our guestroom so if Bella started contracting any time, be it daytime or nighttime, we could just leave and know the girls were in safe hands.

Charlie was staying every alternate night, seeing he had shifts.

Bella's nightmares had returned and she often thrashed around so violently I had to pin her to the bed until she woke up, I so feared she would hurt herself or the baby.

I had to accept how terrified she had been when she labored with Lucy, as much as that admission hurt. She'd been young and alone and in the hands of staff she didn't know. It would be different this time.

Dad was officially on leave and had only come in tonight because it was Rose needing him, just as he would be there with us when our baby came.

"Okay, we need to take Rose in now," Dad said.

We all cheered them on as the three left this room, and we walked back out and sank down on the chairs in the Waiting Room.

"I have to call Bella," I told my Mom, as she sat there, pulling out her knitting in an effort to finish the pale blue baby shawl she was knitting for Emmett's son.

"Of course you do," she replied with a smile. I was torn about even being here, without my Bella at my side where I could watch over her.

"Hey," I said as she answered the phone.

"Has the baby been born?" she asked.

"Nope, but Rose is in Delivery so it should happen soon. How do you feel?"

"My back is killing me, as usual, but Renee is doing everything for the girls so I'm in bed already."

"Good. Stay there. I'll be home as soon as my nephew gets here. I should be polite and wait for that even though I would much rather be with you."

"No point. I think I'll be asleep in five minutes. Don't call me to tell me he's been born, just come home where you belong."

"Okay. I love you, Baby. I hope it's all about to happen, there are nurses hurrying in so I think this might be it. Bye, Bella. "

"Be home soon," she murmured and I cut the connection.

I felt too tense to sit so I paced the width of the room and back, and Mom laughed and said I looked like the new father, not merely the uncle.

I sat down beside her again and a nurse came in and asked Alice to follow her. Apparently Emmett was too overcome to be of any use to Rose, so she had asked for Alice to be allowed to go hold her hand instead.

"How's Bella?" Mom asked as she cast off the final stitches and shook the circular lacy shawl out in the air, inspecting her work for errors.

"Mom, she's terrified. She didn't really go home because she's too tired to stay, she just can't handle being so close to the action while Rose delivers. Bella knows Dad will induce her within days now, if nothing starts off naturally before the end of the week."

It was Wednesday night and Dad refused to let Bella go past Friday, when she would officially hit two weeks past her due date.

Any longer and he feared the placenta would fail.

I wanted it over. I wanted the baby out safe and I wanted Bella to be able to relax again. The last few weeks she had been wound so tightly, every slight pain had sent her into a panic that this was it. I'd rushed home from the office numerous times and finally taken leave myself, seeing everything was ticking along nicely again. Nobody was so desperate for funds that I couldn't spend a month at home where I was truly needed and anyway, Carlisle would handle any emergency requests.

"How long was she in labor with Lucy?" Mom asked, folding the shawl up and stowing it back in her bag. Our shawl was already finished, seeing we had all assumed Bella would deliver first, for some reason. Rose was late herself, this should have happened last Wednesday but she'd taken an extra week for no known reason. Maybe it was the colder weather. The babies didn't want to come out here while snow was covering the ground outside.

"I don't know, exactly," I admitted sadly. While Bella had shared the happier parts of Lucy's birth with me, she couldn't bring herself to mention every part, blow by blow.

It was bitterly cold and the girls complained constantly about being kept inside, under 'house arrest' according to Lucy. She had threatened to call one of those helplines for abused children, which had sent Bella past her point of tolerance and our daughter was grounded with no tv for a whole week.

The door opened and Alice appeared. "It's a boy, as expected. Ten pounds exactly."

A shell-shocked Emmett appeared behind her, with his black haired son in his arms.

"Oh how wonderful," Mom said, walking closer and peering inside the blue blanket. "Can I hold him or is it too soon for you to be able to let him go yet?"

Emmett shrugged and Mom eased the infant from his embrace.

"That was...amazing. I can't believe women actually go back a second time, let alone a third," he finally said, leaning in to kiss our mother's forehead. "You deserve a medal."

"Oh Emmett, women have always been the stronger sex," she replied.

"I shall never argue that point again. There's no way I could have done what Rosie did. And she didn't scream or anything."

Alice nodded. "There was screaming but it was Emmett."

Everyone laughed but he took it well and agreed.

"God yes, if you saw how far she had to stretch open to let this baby out...I don't think I could go through that again."

I was glad Bella wasn't here.

"And the cord was wound around his neck and Dad had to reach inside and pull it over the head and God, it was as scary as Hell."

"You will settle down and get over it," Mom assured him. "How is Rose?"

"She didn't need stitches so that was good, Dad said. She wants to see you all before you go. We want to announce his name to you, together."

It was a badly kept secret that they were naming the baby David Matthew. I guess we would all manage to look surprised.

Finally Rose was showered and dressed and in her private room and we all trooped in, as Emmett pushed the perspex bassinet back from the Nursery, where he had bathed his son for the first time and Jasper had filmed the event, just as he had filmed the birth.

"Now, everyone, Rosie and I tossed around names for ages and I know you are all expecting our son to be named David, but we both agree he looks nothing like a David so some quick rethinking had to happen. And we have decided ..."

_Just don't choose Dane._ It was the only name both Bella and I liked and we had not breathed a word to anyone.

"Dane Anthony Nash Emmett Cullen," Emmett announced.

I sighed and tried to rearrange my face into a smile. How the fuck had this happened? Out of all the millions of names in the world, how had both Rose and Bella come up with the same name?

"That's a lovely name and I'm not just saying that because Dane Anthony Nash is the hottest actor around at the moment," Alice replied.

Aha.

"What actor?" Emmett asked, puzzled. "I thought Rose made up the name. I nearly disagreed because it was too unusual, but Rosie really loves the name."

"Don't worry, Emmett, there will be a dozen Danes at his school. Rose is not the only woman crushing on the man," Jasper stated.

"Congratulations, it's great news but I have to get home to Bella, so, see you all tomorrow," I said, slapping Emm's back and leaning in to kiss Rose. "He's a wonderful baby and I'm sure Bella will love his name."

Yeah, she would but what the heck would we choose now?

"We should all go, and let this family get acquainted," Dad suggested.

Jasper and Alice had to go relieve the babysitter, and Mom and Dad followed me home, because Carlisle wanted to make sure Bella was okay.

He had a theory. Often when patients were close friends and one delivered, it seemed to have a domino effect and he was betting the arrival of Dane would set Bella off as well.

I arrived first and dashed upstairs to warn my wife, if she was awake, and found her standing in the doorway that led into the ensuite, her mouth open in surprise as a pool of amniotic fluid pooled at her feet.

"I think I just wet myself," she said, blushing madly then gasping as a contraction hit her.

"Your water just broke. Let's get you back to bed. Dad's downstairs so he can examine you and we'll head off to hospital once he makes sure everything's okay."

Bella let me lift her onto the mattress and then I called downstairs and my parents instantly appeared.

Bella was shaking her head and trying to hide the pain she was in. "I'm sure I just wet myself. I was feeling pressure on my bladder and got up to go pee and I just didn't make it to...oooh God."

Dad snapped on a glove and I felt Bella grip my hand as Dad examined her cervix and stepped back in surprise.

"You are fully dilated and effaced. Have you been in pain?"

"Just my back. It hurts like a bitch but now my front has joined in."

"We have to get to hospital, now," I panicked.

"I'm calling an ambulance but the baby may beat it," Dad warned and Mom took the phone from him so she could call instead, leaving his hands free.

"Let me stand up," Bella pleaded and I took her hand as she stood, one foot on the floor as she raised her body, the small head of our son appeared between her legs and Dad ordered me to stand behind my wife and support her as he guided the head out and let the shoulders turn, then the baby slid into his hands in front of our surprised faces. Mom stood by with towels and handed one to Dad.

"And we have another grandson, Esme. Not quite the size of Dane but I'd guess seven pounds."

"Dane?" Bella said , distracted even as the placenta followed the baby.

I lay her back on the bed as Mom placed a half dozen bath towels beneath Bella, and Dad rubbed the baby dry and checked his mouth and nose but he started shrieking loud enough to wake the girls and next thing, Lucy and Tori appeared at the doorway.

"Your baby brother is here. Just wait until we clean him up then you can come see him," Esme suggested, ushering them out and closing the door behind her so they didn't see the blood and mess on the towels. Dad handed the baby to me and started pressing on Bella's now flat abdomen, checking her blood loss, and finding it acceptable.

I sat down beside her and handed the bundle to her and she laughed and shook her head.

"I just had a baby. Just like that. No labor. That was amazing. How the heck did that happen?"

"I would suspect the way he was positioned prevented you from feeling actual contractions so you just felt continuous back pain, and it's probably actually taken hours. Just because it wasn't a more conventional labor, you didn't realise it was happening."

"He's perfect," Bella said, gazing up from the baby to me.

I laughed. "If you call copper hair and green eyes and pale white skin perfect, then indeed he is."

"God, he looks just like you. Not only did I miss the labor I feared so much, I got the exact son I hoped for. I hope this isn't a dream."

"If it was a dream, would Rose have stolen our name?" I asked her.

"That's just plain rude. But I never told anyone but you what we had decided on."

"Don't look at me, like I would risk your wrath by telling anyone," I replied.

The paramedics had arrived and after they examined the baby and Bella, they left again, and I helped her into the shower, while Dad held the baby. He'd scored the perfect score so there was no need to take either of them to hospital. It had been a perfect home delivery with no complications.

Once Bella was dressed from clothing out of her hospital bag, Mom wheeled in the baby bath on it's stand and filled it with tepid water and Dad took photos while I washed our nameless but nevertheless perfect son.

It felt different, knowing this was a boy. A manchild. Somehow it seemed like an even bigger responsibility than the girls. I had to raise him right and be there for him, as I was for them, but he was outnumbered and we were the only two males in the household. Even the cats were girls.

Esme brought the girls in and they watched him as he lay back and relaxed in the warm water and I washed the blood and such from his thick hair. She took advantage of this distraction to remove the blood splattered sheets and towels from the bedroom.

"He may be smaller than Emmett's son but he has even more hair," I told Bella. I was extremely grateful not to have inflicted a ten pound baby on her, she may well have split in two.

Renee appeared, bewildered to have just been woken up by the sound of the washing machine being started up and she gasped to see the extra person in the room.

"How did...but it can't...Bella, you were not in labor when I was in here an hour ago."

"Apparently I had back labor and it sure as Hell beats the usual contractions," Bella said excitedly. "It was amazing, Mom. He just slipped out."

Renee was as relieved as the rest of us. Bella's intense fear had shrouded this house for weeks.

"So when will our sister be borned?" Tori asked, as I dried and dressed the baby.

Bella laughed. "Hey, if she causes me as little pain as he did, I'm ready. For anything."

"Um, I think maybe we will have a couple of years break before we have the final family member," I stated, handing our son over to his mother.

Bella looked serene and so thrilled to have avoided the unavoidable, she didn't even moan about Rose beating us or about the name-stealing.

"We could always name him Edward. If you don't come up with something soon, we shall name him after you," she decided. I felt one Edward Cullen as quite sufficient. I would find another name.

Lucy snuggled up beside Bella, kissing the baby's head, and so Tori followed her lead and squeezed in on the side I was sitting and I took her onto my lap. Dad snapped some photos of the all new Cullen family and then the grandparents wanted to hold the baby and take photos of one another with him. An excited Charlie entered the fray, delighted to have a grandson as promised. Finally Dad called a halt and shooed everyone out, including the girls.

I shut our door and helped Bella prop the baby up beside her, offering him his first meal. He attached on like an expert, causing Bella to laugh about the Cullen boys knowing a boob when they saw one, and we lay together and marvelled at this unbelievable evening. Bella couldn't stop exclaiming how easy it had been, compared to Lucy's traumatic delivery and I was so happy something had gone so right for once.

Mom and Dad stayed in our second guest room, just to be sure Dad was on hand during the night and he could check on his patients regularly.

The nursery was finished, and I went to bring the rocking cradle into our bedroom, and looked inside the girl's bedroom. After all their fuss about not wanting to share a bedroom with the baby had it been a girl, they had decided they wanted to share a room together themselves, when we had moved into the new house last week.

Their mismatched beds sat side by side, close enough for the sisters to join hands across the space , as was their new nightly ritual.

"We decided we like our baby brother and we want to name him Loki," Lucy informed me.

"I can't see Mommy agreeing but I shall pass that message on," I promised and kissed her forehead.

"Or Ironman," Tori added as I tucked her in.

"I think maybe Mommy might want to choose his name but maybe we could get goldfish and name them Loki and Ironman," I suggested.

My life seemed to involve a lot of dodging bullets lately.

Our son settled down to sleep and I lay down beside my wife and held her hand.

"I have no idea for a name really," she lamented. "I can't believe Rosalie stole our choice. I didn't even know she liked Dane Anthony Nash."

"You wanted to name our son after a celebrity?" I questioned. "How about something more real? We could go with Dylan. Or Elliott. A name whose history is apparent, and meaningful. Men to be proud of."

"Dylan's good," she murmured sleepily.

"Dylan Thomas Cullen it is, then," I replied, pulling a blanket over us both.

"Thomas? I didn't know Bob had a middle name."


	20. Chapter 22

**Thank you for each and every review, I took a break because most readers seemed to be tired of me. I will try and update this weekly. Cheers.**

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 22

BPOV

Adding a new baby to the mix was not as hard as I'd anticipated. Lucy and Tori had limited interest in him and so they tended to go to their room and amuse themselves when I was feeding Dylan, and although for a while, they liked helping me bathe him, that ended the first time he peed in the water.

Tori actually laughed but Lucy crossed her arms and stepped back and stated it was disgusting, so Tori stopped grinning and agreed, and they left to torture the kittens instead.

I was so tired, I welcomed the respite from their constant chatter and congratulated my son on managing to empty the room.

Living in the usual haze of interrupted sleep that accompanies all new babies, I'm sure the girls got away with a lot of mischief that I would have normally noticed, but whatever. I did a head count several times a day and so long as there were three kids in the house, all was well.

Edward was wonderful and couldn't get enough time with the baby and the girls, but it was still down to me to do every feed and it was leaving me exhausted.

Carlisle started weighing me, and saying I needed to eat more, so Esme and Renee started to compete against one another to make the most appealing and nutritious snacks, and Renee cooking is never a good idea. I was mentally preparing myself for chocolate covered sardines on a bed of savoury rice with snowpeas and M&M's.

Her first offering was not that bizarre but still, I shuddered to think what it would taste like as she set the dish down on the bench to cool.

"Damn, I didn't put the cheese or the eggs in that," she sighed, finding both still sitting where she had been mixing the sauce for her pasta dish.

However, there had been tuna and marshmallows involved, so I didn't really care about what had been excluded.

Edward gave me his "WTF, I'm not eating it, she's _your _mother" look, and I shrugged and changed Dylan to the second breast.

"That will be okay for the main course tonight. Maybe we should invite Carlisle and Esme," she said with sarcasm, because they had been here every night since the birth two weeks ago.

When Dylan was finished, I handed him to Edward and went to rescue the kittens for their quiet time in their cages, in the hope this respite might actually mean they survived long enough to mature to adulthood, and as I passed the kitchen, I had an idea.

I set Santa and her sister down on the benchtop and watched as they approached the cooling dish and sniffed, then Santa boldly started eating the pasta bake.

"Bella," Edward warned me with a frown.

"Shh, we didn't see a thing," I hissed, and encouraged Samantha to eat as well.

I made myself a cup of tea and Edward a coffee, and sat down beside him as he soothed Dylan off to sleep.

"Oh my God! Bella, these darned Spawn of Satan have been eating our dinner!" Renee exclaimed as she re-entered the kitchen.

"Oh no," I sighed, lifting the kittens down and locking them safely away. "They seem to get into anything that has fish involved. It's lucky Esme offered to bring lasagna to freeze for tomorrow. We'll serve that instead."

Carlisle and Esme soon showed up, complete with several casserole dishes filled with food that looked not only edible, but quite delicious.

Apparently Rosalie was managing a lot better than I was, and was eating for two yet losing her baby weight, and Dane was twice the size of Dylan already, literally.

I refused to feel like a failure. Dylan was doing fine, Carlisle assured me as he weighed him every day. He was eight and a half pounds, so that was good. If Dane hadn't been born on the same day and always there for comparison, I would have been feeling quite pleased with myself.

"Rose has an entirely different body type to you, and Emmett is somewhat larger than Edward. I would expect their child to be bigger than yours," my father-in-law assured me. "Dylan is doing great."

He was growing more quickly than Lucy had, so I used her as my yardstick instead.

My waistline was back already and except for the increase in my boobs, I had pretty much returned to my pre-pregnancy body again. I was pleased about that, but Edward begged me to keep the boobs and new improved wider ass for a while longer because he was having to get by with fantasies rather than actual sex until the six week ban was up. Until he said that, I had no idea my ass had widened, but when I attempted to pull on my favourite jeans, I had to concede he was right.

"Baby, I love the new curves," he told me nightly as he ran his hands over any available bare flesh. The boobs were his as soon as his son was fed and settled, and that was a clever move on my part, because the moment Dylan was done drinking, Edward took him to burp and settle, and I got to go back to sleep. Until the after the morning feed, because that was Edward's time.

Edward spooned my body and put his hands on his newly enlarged playthings as I felt a certain part of him rub against my lower back. He was always horny but that was nothing different, it was just frustrating for us both. Me more than him, at least he could get himself off as he played with my breasts and stroked himself behind my back.

I did offer to give him a helping hand but he assured me he'd had plenty of practice in the past and having me here in the flesh was more than he had back then. He involved me as much as he could, never realizing this just made it worse for me as he whispered in my ear as he excited himself, and then bit down on my neck as he came.

I wanted to be able to play too, and knowing that was impossible just sucked big time.

I admit it did occur to me that there was another entrance he could use, while his favourite one was out of use, but not knowing if he would want to do that, or if he'd react with horror at the suggestion kept me from offering.

Rose had told me many times men just wanted to be inside, they didn't much care where but Alice had always argued and said not all men wanted anything that resembled man on man sex.

Unless I asked, I had no way of knowing how Edward felt about it and I didn't want to say anything that would make him see me differently.

I wasn't sure how whorish was too whorish when one was a whore for just the one man.

His solo orgasms just made the weeks go slower. It was a turn on to know I'd always been with him mentally, even if only for sexual inspiration but I knew it had been more than that.

Often I would awaken to find him lying there, resting his head on one hand, watching me.

"What?" I would always say, automatically.

"I can't believe I have you back. It still seems like a dream. Promise me no matter what, you will never leave me again."

It was pointless arguing the toss about who left who in the past and instead I made the promise he sought. It amazed me in turn that we were back together like this, and it was better this time around.

I guess sometimes you can go home, after all.

Edward still felt guilty about ever being with Victoria, and it bothered him but I looked upon it as the price he had to pay for trying to replace me so fast. I could understand why, but if I ever dwelt on it, and what that act cost us, I just had to look around and remind myself, I was the one who won him back. It was so good between us now, sometimes it could have felt like I'd never lost him except we had the bittersweet reminder in our midst and I loved Tori enough to believe she was worth the pain I'd suffered.

And we had Dylan. I had been the one to give Edward his first son, and that was important to men.

The day Dylan turned six weeks old, we had everything planned and in place. The girls would be with Alice, and the baby was spending his first night away from home.

Renee had gone home herself by then so we had the house to ourselves but Edward still worried someone would come knocking at our door, so he booked us into the Sweetheart Cottage in Port Angeles.

He'd have taken me even further away but I still had the expected separation anxiety about not being close to Dylan, even for a single night.

We had dinner reservations at a little Italian restaurant, and he promised there would be dancing but when we arrived, dressed in our finery, I couldn't see a dancefloor.

"Relax, eat, drink, and think about how sweet tonight will be," he whispered as I sat down on the chair he held out for me.

I didn't really want sweet, to be honest. Though it would do as an appetizer.

I wanted slow, fast, gentle, hard, everything. I wanted it all.

We were naturally nervous because no contraception defeated Edward's sperm so I was safely on the strongest Pill Carlisle would allow while I was breastfeeding. Lactation itself theoretically made me harder to impregnate, and I fully expected Edward to pull out a strip of heavy duty condoms when the time came.

The waitress nearly fell over her own feet in her haste to take our orders, though it was only Edward's she really cared about, but it came with the territory. You have the most beautiful man on your arm, women are going to want to speak to him and touch him, though Edward always hated being touched by strangers.

He saw her intentions as she bowled across the restaurant floor towards him, so he moved his chair from opposite mine to so close beside it that they were touching, and sat down, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

His message was clear and she did pause, to her credit.

Edward quickly ordered for us both and she held onto the menu he handed her back, as if just touching something he was touching was the thrill of her night. Edward let it go and frowned, glancing at me, checking for my reaction.

I just grinned, feeling triumphant and yet a tiny bit evil.

I loved that other women envied me. I hated that so many judged me and clearly wondered what someone as amazing as Edward could see in me, but that was how it was, and bad luck for them. He was mine and I would do everything in my power to keep him at my side forever.

I placed my hand on his thigh as he started eating and he almost choked.

He sat up straighter and leaned in, kissing my earlobe. Had he bitten it instead, there's no doubt I would have pulled him onto the floor under the table, and hoped the tablecloth was long enough to hide us from the other patrons.

Edward finished his meal hurriedly and asked for our dessert to be boxed to go, and I slid my hand further up his leg, until I encountered his hard-on.

"We really need to leave. I'm so tired if we don't get to bed within minutes, I'll explode," he warned.

"Tired? That's a shame," I whispered in his ear.

"When I say tired, I do mean tired of not being buried so deep inside you, you will scream for mercy," he replied quietly, smiling as he paid the check. Our waitress blushed and looked like she wanted to ask if she could be next.

He grabbed the cardboard box from her and we left. Edward headed for the cottage that was all ours for the night.

The grounds the small but pretty cottages were in are beautiful, and by moonlight incredibly romantic, so when Edward took my hand and pulled me towards the small ornate wooden bridge, I went along. He took me into his arms and started dancing.

"There's no music," I whispered.

"There's music in my heart, listen to that," he whispered back, holding me tightly as he swayed us back and forth.

"Edward, as lovely as this is, I really want us to dance in bed," I whispered in his ear.

"No you don't. I know you miss outdoor sex and here we are, outdoors, alone. Just you, me and my eager friend."

His eager friend was rubbing against me and it would have been rude to ignore him so I stroked him and undid Edward's zip, freeing him to the night air.

Edward's hands slid up my thighs and lifted my skirt higher, around my waist and he paused and lay his forehead against mine.

"You have no panties on."

"I guess I forgot them. I can't remember everything."

He shut his eyes and pushed himself inside me.

"Baby, it feels so good to be back home," he murmured as his hands roamed across my backside, just stroking at first but kneading as he got more frantic in search of his first release.

"Do you want me to slow down?" he asked, bucking madly, almost out of control. I knew he had been thinking about this for weeks and it would be so much better for both of us the next time, if he just got this first release over. It had been too long for him to be in his usual control.

"Just do it, come inside me," I encouraged and he let go and pounded on even as he climaxed.

"Fuck me, I can't stop," he gasped, flexing his pelvis against me. "It feels too good."

I decided I would join in after all and lifted my legs around his waist as he grasped my ass cheeks and held me up.

"Baby, you are incredible. You have no idea what you do to me," he choked out as he kept thrusting hard.

My hearing dimmed and my sight seemed to be following then there it was, fireworks. As if a million stars streaked across our sky, as we both screamed together in jubilation.

My heart felt like it may explode and I could felt his beating just as wildly, and I managed to laugh as I sucked in air.

Panicked rustling sounded in the woods surrounding us and Edward opened his eyes.

"You scared away our forest friends," I chided jokingly.

"Bella, that truly was the best sex I've ever had," he sighed, stroking a finger down my cheek and tucking my hair back behind my ear. "I was panicking, thinking I would never stop, and the other guests would come outside and see what the fuck was going on."

"I doubt they'd object to a free floorshow," I replied.

He laughed and carried me inside the cottage across the threshold.

"It's kind of late for that," I pointed out.

He lay me on the bed and proceeded to remove every stitch of clothing that he wore, before starting on the removal of mine. I'd dressed economically, so there was really just my frock and shoes and Edward paused and stood there with his eyes closed when he saw my nakedness as he lifted the dress off me.

"Bella," he sighed, his hand going to his erection and stroking it. "You will be the death of me. I expected layers, and what did I get? I assumed you had a bra on, at least. Had I known what you weren't wearing in that restaurant, things would have gotten heated."

"Heat me up , Baby," I giggled, laying there before him, spread eagled with no shame.

"You want me to put my heater back inside you, do you, Mrs Cullen? Your wish is my command."

He lifted my foot and started to remove the red heels then instead, placed that shoe clad foot on one of his shoulders and reached for my other leg, pulling me closer to the edge of the bed so as soon as my second foot rested on his other shoulder, his erection slid inside me, swiftly, in one thrust.

He hugged my lower legs and started the long, slow, exiting and reentering, making me sigh and feel every inch as he went in deeper every lunge.

"Can you come like this or do you need someone to touch you as well?" he asked me, and I had to wonder what he was doing, speaking like there was some other man under the bed ready to lend a hand.

"Tell me a fantasy, Bella. Do all women really like imagining there are two men taking her at once or is that just a myth?"

Against my better judgement, the way he said it was making me imagine two Edwards, and he smiled in that delicious way he had of making my insides go to jelly.

"I see I have hit a nerve. Shut your eyes, feel me here inside you."

"I'm having no problem with that," I sighed happily.

He reached a hand down between my legs and started circling my nerve center with a single finger, then two fingers together.

"I'm inside you and here he is, moving his erection against you too. It could be two of us. Do you think of a specific person, or just a faceless helper?" he asked.

"I think of two versions of you," I answered honestly.

"Really? How does that work?"

"I think of the younger Edward who took my virginity years ago, and my Edward now. They both know every inch of my body and they work well together."

"That's weirdly erotic. Which one do you like best?" he asked.

"The old Edward of the past was sweet and innocent and willing to learn everything with me, so we share an incredible connection.

The New Edward has honed and perfected his skills, and is confident that I love what he does. He knows how to best pleasure me."

"So you get the best of both worlds," he replied.

"Best of both Edwards'," I corrected him.

"Both Edwards' love you so much, Bella. And they both love your body."

I felt the coolness as he added lube to his busy fingers and he stroked me faster and more firmly.

"Together we can make you come in both places," he promised, thrusting harder. His spare hand stroked up and down my backside, warming those cheeks.

As soon as he felt my body pulse around him, I felt a single lubed up finger enter where no finger has ever gone before and before I could tense up, he moved it in and out rhythmically and the sensations doubled.

"Oh God," I panted in shock. Surely it shouldn't feel that amazing. I'd expected pain or at least discomfort.

"Did we do good, Bella?" he murmured as he shuddered and came deep inside me.

"Fantastic," I assured him.

Edward rolled off me and turned me away so he could spoon my body and he kissed my back and neck, and mumbled sweet endearments until soon I could tell he was sleeping.

My cheeks flushed just thinking about what he had done, where his finger had been. Did nice girls allow that? More to the point, did they enjoy it, as I had? Would Edward think I was kinky because I had allowed it and clearly found it stimulating?

I'd assumed it was merely just another entrance he may want to penetrate for his own pleasure, not use to increase my own.

My final thought was, how would I be able to get him to do that again, because I was pretty sure I'd always be too inhibited to ask him for a repeat performance.

X~x~X

I needn't have worried. I woke to find myself facing Edward and he was watching me as I opened my eyes and gazed into his. His smile was almost a smirk and I felt myself redden as the memory of last night hit me. I lowered my eyes, embarrassed in the light of day.

"Don't shut me out. We did nothing wrong. It was just a fantasy, Bella. Everyone has them and that was a harmless way of fulfilling yours. You know I couldn't bear to share you with anyone else."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Anytime you want me to do that, just ask me if my friend has any plans to join us. Okay? But don't feel embarrassed. Anything we do together is between us, alone."

"Do you have a fantasy you want to try?" I asked, hoping he did so we'd have both exposed ourselves to each other. I still felt kind of vulnerable that he had known I was imagining two men inside me. Even if they were both him.

He shrugged.

"My fantasy was to get back with you. I knew it was very unlikely, even before I found out that you visited me that night. I knew if I convinced Victoria to carry the baby, I was pretty much sealing my fate and you would never take me back, ever. I'd have to admit I did completely give up on us and had moved on. I'd even moved on from her. I had no hope you and I would ever reconcile. For those last months of our relationship, you were so unhappy, and I couldn't fix it. I guess I thought a clean break was the lesser of the two evils. If I couldn't change anything, and I was tearing you apart, then leaving was the kindest thing. That was how I saw it.

I thought I was giving you the freedom to find somebody else who could be there for you and be what you needed. I thought you knew what I was doing.

Do you remember your last words to me?"

"I remember we were in the shower together and I was crying, as usual. You said Goodbye and left."

"And you replied; ' Goodbye Edward. I'll never forget you.' That sounded like The End to me.

I never considered you might have thought we were still together.

Then when I saw you at Jessica's, I still felt no guilt apart from having moved on too fast.

Once I overheard you tell Alice what you saw, I lost all hope of you wanting to even try to be friends. I know if it wasn't for Lucy, you would never come back into my life. It devastated me that you had thought I cheated on you. I would never do that."

"Edward, I do know you didn't cheat. Simply because you never came back. If you'd thought we were still together, after you'd been with Victoria, you would have come back. I never heard from you again. I've had to face up to that fact lately that you were sure we were done before you went to her. I just couldn't accept it myself, I guess. It was too sad to face up to. After all we had been to one another, how could we have just drifted apart like we did? It was so much easier blaming her, and you.

Though when I told myself it was not my fault, not in any way, I could never add 'I tried my best. I fought for us' because I didn't."

"Do you think they were right? That we were too young?" he asked.

"I guess so. I know if it had happened now, at this age, I would have handled it differently."

"It will never happen again. You do know that?"

"I trust you with my heart and my life. We both made mistakes, and I guess we will make more, but as long as we love one another and never let anyone else come between us no matter what, we'll be okay, Edward."

"Everything has happened so fast. Who would have dreamed we'd be here now, married with a new baby? Miracles happen. Sometimes when you least expect it, miracles still happen. You are my miracle."

"I could never picture myself with anyone else, you know. I guess I would have stayed alone and raised Lucy as a single Mom and then collected cats. You are my miracle too."

EPOV

"You two still talk about that time?" Alice asked, frowning. Rose and Bella were outside with the babies and the girls were at school. "Surely rehashing what went down just keeps reminding you both of the worst time of your lives. I don't get why you don't just close the door on it and let it go."

"I would love it to be that simple," I answered, pouring us both refills of coffee. "The thing is, no matter how erroneously, Bella thought I cheated on her for nearly five years and she can't just wipe those years away now she knows the truth. The therapist says the only way she will ever truly be at peace is if I accept that and go along with the usual recovery steps she usually recommends to men who did actually cheat.

I acknowledge I was in the wrong, only in my case I was wrong for not voicing to Bella that I would not be coming back. When you think about it, a few words like that would have changed everything. She would have asked me to keep trying and I would have, Alice. I didn't want to break up any more than she did. I did it for her. Maybe a little for myself, too, because her pain was harder to bear than my own.

As well, I am completely open and always tell her where I will be and with whom, not that she needs to know, really. She trusts me again. I'm sure if she didn't, I'd know by now. We can't change the past so all I can do is show her what we have now is so much better. And that I would fight to the death to keep her this time, no matter how bad our situation ever became."

"Yeah, I don't know that I agree. You got back together, you married and have had a baby. That's the reality. Surely the past is just the past."

"The past cost Lucy her father for over three years. If it only involved Bella and me, sure, it would be easier but we have the girls and all I can hope is that Lucy will one day forget there was a time when I wasn't in her life and that she didn't know who I was."

"I guess. But kids are resilient. She already acts like you have always known her. She never hesitates to call you 'Daddy' or to seek your help when she needs it."

"I fear a little that she is too like Bella and keeps things bottled up inside. She must have some anger that I never looked for her. Other kids she knew had on the spot father's and she must have wondered where hers was and why even those kids of divorced parents got gifts and cards and letters, if not visits.

She's a smart kid, and I don't think she realizes I never knew she existed. I'd rather she didn't know that in case she resents her Mom for not telling me. Things are black and white in her world. You understand why Bella didn't tell me, and you know I had no idea at all, and that I would have changed things the minute I found out. She doesn't. All she knows is that we lived far apart. Maybe she thinks I was too lazy or disinterested in visiting her. I don't know, and it's hard to know whether bringing the subject up is in any of our best interests. I don't even know if I want to ever discuss this with her, even when she is a teenager and capable of hearing the truth."

"She will wonder why there are so many photos of her sister and a mere handful of her. And no Daddy and daughter shots. It's such a glaring difference, when 'Daddy and Tori' photos are so plentiful," Alice stated.

I couldn't help thinking about this more and more as the day progressed. I wasn't sure whether it would be better in the long run to stick to the truth, and one day admit I never saw her, or knew of her until she was three years old, thus putting the blame on Bella.

I didn't blame Bella at all, but Lucy probably would, at least until she was an adult and could understand how her Mom had felt. And telling her why Bella never told me would make her resent me as well.

Bella picked up on my mood and once the kids were asleep, I asked her what she thought was going to be the best way of handling things.

I watched her eyes as she considered our options, and she finally spoke up, hesitantly.

"Charlie came to see her a lot. About monthly from birth to age one. Then maybe every three months after that."

"Okay, that makes me feel worse, not better," I replied.

"Edward, he always took a lot of photos. You know how he has dozens of my babyhood and childhood on display and they are just the tip of the iceberg. Emmett is the family genius when it comes to cleaning up videos. How is he at Photoshopping?"

"You think we should fake photos of me visiting Lucy?" I questioned. I didn't know whether this was a solution or not. My family would readily agree to go along with whatever I decided was for the best. If I told them the new reality was that I had visited my daughter regularly from birth, they would accept and alter history from this point onwards.

"I guess we could ask Emmett and see what he can do. Maybe considering the babies were so alike, it wouldn't be that hard to superimpose Lucy's face onto a few of the images of Tori in my arms. Like Alice said, I have a million photos like that, at every stage my daughter has gone through, from newborn onwards and even if we use a dozen from each month to fake up with Lucy, they would never be missed."

"It's creating a lie, but maybe it would be a good lie. Better than the truth," Bella conceded."I don't want her to hate either one of us, once she is older. We could sort out some photos, both real and fake, and make up a proper album for Lucy. I always intended getting copies from Dad's snaps anyway."

Emmett did an amazing job and it was impossible to tell the resulting photos were not real. He even manipulated some so we had photos of the two girls together, explaining he thought if I had visited Lucy, I would most probably have taken Tori with me. It was something Bella and I had not thought of, and I loved one photo above all others. Bella was sitting on her sofa with six month old Lucy on her lap and by luck, the baby had been looking to her left, smiling at Renee who was out of the shot.

He had then merged a similar photo of me sitting on my sofa holding Tori, with her looking to the right, with her arms reaching out. In reality, she had been reaching for a toy Alice was madly waving to make her smile, but it now looked like the girls were looking at each other and trying to reach out to one another.

"I want this one enlarged and framed," I stated, grinning.

Although it was faked, it spoke of us being a family from the beginning and that was the message the girls needed to know. We could admit Bella and I had some issues back then and lived apart, if they ever asked, but at least this way they would know they were always loved, and as both adults were smiling as well, it looked like we had enjoyed being in one another's company regardless.

I placed the end result on my bedside table and sure enough, eagle eyed Lucy spotted it within the first day and stood there, looking at it in awe.

"So you were always my Daddy, even before I remember you," she stated. The smile on her face was worth every bit of subterfuge.

"I was your Daddy from the moment you began growing inside your Mommy," I answered. "I have always loved you, Lucy. From the very moment I knew you existed."

That was the truth, regardless of the timeline.

X~x~X

**A/N I'd love to hear your opinions about the 50 Shades of Grey movie. Most of you probably read it as "Master of the Universe" fanfic by Icy...now it's being made into a film, who would like Rob and Kristen to star in it? Simple fact, Rob needs a hit movie around now, I personally think he has made some less than clever choices. Although I think he played his roles in Bel-Ami and Cosmopolis close to the characters in the books, those two men were not likeable anyway. I think he needs a role where we love who he portrays. A romantic hero type. JMO. (I don't think Christian Grey would be very likeable either but he does redeem himself eventually, and the movie might be really popular). Your thoughts? Anyone?**


	21. Chapter 23

Sweet Child Of Mine

Chapter 23/Epi

BPOV

Despite my newfound security of being a happily married woman, I still feared another unplanned pregnancy and every period was greeted with delight not often felt by other women. I wanted Dylan to have his time in the sun before being usurped.

Edward adored him and doted on him whenever he was at home before and after work, and his office hours were already down to four or five a day. He never left the girls out and if they were home from school as well, he was careful to be equally attentive to all three.

It was exhausting to me, always juggling three balls in the air and trying to never favour one child over the others.

Dylan was a baby and babies are just so gorgeous and they don't answer back. They just love you and accept your love with a big toothless grin. How can you help not enjoying them a little more than a defiant four year old?

Lucy struggled sometimes. I put it down to too many changes too fast. It had not happened in the time frame I had wanted, and I knew we had married too fast and added a baby too soon, but those were the facts and we had to work around them.

I didn't regret keeping Dylan for a moment but had I had a choice, he would have joined us several years down the road. After the girls adapted to our new family status.

Lucy had been used to being the sole center of attention and she had also had Renee doting on her as well, so suddenly sharing Mommy with a sister her own age and a baby who by default, was demanding and needy, was starting to show.

She switched allegiance and decided she preferred her father to me, but that was expected. He was the new parent and something of a mystery to her still. She could not enter our bedroom without picking up that framed photo and hugging it to her chest.

So much for not missing what she never had. Clearly she had craved a father and now she had one, she wanted him to herself, which wasn't going to happen.

I had always planned to give Lucy a lot of Daddy time while I took Tori out with me so we could bond more but then Dylan came along and Edward was so excited that we were sharing this experience that he preferred we did things as a complete family.

The few times I insisted he take Lucy out on a Daddy Date, Alice had stepped in and minded Dylan for us, but now she was spending more time gripping the sides of the porcelain god as her second pregnancy announced it's presence.

Jasper coped by taking over all care of Austin, and he was often here visiting while Alice tried to rest. This pregnancy was a nightmare from day one. She couldn't sleep, and was restless and hyper. Although she had gotten tired at the end of her last pregnancy, this one exhausted her completely before she was even showing. Carlisle predicted it was a girl and the hormones were playing havoc with Alice's system.

She was completely unprepared to feel so bad and I suspect this baby would have been conceived five years later had she known ahead of time how hard it would make things. She couldn't work but Austin still attended childcare as she couldn't care for him, either, when Jazz was working.

Our girls were still going to Jess's every weekday mainly because they wanted to, so I did get plenty of alone time to spoil Dylan. There's something about the first baby who is the opposite gender. I adored him and lived and breathed him but never at Edward's expense. I guess I will never love anyone as much as I love him.

I did the smart thing and got my son into a routine where he slept of a late afternoon when the girls were home, so I could devote myself to them after school each day.

Lucy's drawings spoke volumes. There was Edward, the largest stick figure on the page, always drawn with care and more detail than anyone else. He was the new center of her universe.

Next in size was Lucy herself and she was always holding his hand. Tori was a smaller image, I was positively tiny and Dylan didn't exist. If pushed, she would reluctantly add a stroller in the far corner and would announce he was sleeping.

Tori on the other hand, drew herself largest, as most kids their age did, but Lucy was always almost the same size. Then Edward, Dylan and I were smaller but equally sized to each other.

The latent psychologist in me found it fascinating. Tori was coping amazingly well with our family life, Lucy less so.

Some of Lucy's drawings showed just Edward and herself and the rest of us were 'away' somewhere.

I wanted to make Dylan more acceptable to her, she could not fail but notice how much Edward loved him and I could see the seeds of jealousy beginning as she scrutinised his actions with his son, and she always watched his face. Edward wore his heart on his sleeve. He had craved a 'normal' family for so long, and a baby he and I would raise together, that he didn't notice how Lucy was counting every smile he gave to the baby, and no doubt, totalling up the ones he gave her.

I was sitting at the kitchen table one day with Alice, sorting through the latest snaps and adding them to the three large albums we had made for the kids, so they would always have their own to take away with them when they married or whatever in the future and Lucy sat up at the table and started looking through hers from the start.

Emmett had done wonders. There were family events that Lucy and I had now attended. There were photos of each member of the Cullen family with newborn Lucy and somehow it took away the sting for me that I had felt so alone back then. That photo of Edward worshipping Victoria's belly was altered and now he was worshipping the two little baby girls propped 'together' on a sofa.

"I don't remember Daddy," Lucy growled.

"I don't remember him either when I was a baby. I don't remember you or Mommy or your house before you lived with us," Tori replied, standing beside her sister.

"That's normal. I don't remember much before I started going to school," Alice said. "I can't even remember a time before I knew your Mommy, and I was five when we met. Sometimes when people visit and don't live in the same house as you, it is hard to recall them until you become a big girl like you are now."

"You didn't have Daddy in your house with you but I didn't have Mommy in my house," Tori pointed out.

"But you had the Bad Mother Toria, and I had no Daddy at all," Lucy replied.

"I don't remember her. Not before she took us away from Mommy and Daddy," Tori whispered, shaking. "Not before Edward kitten."

I lifted her onto my lap and kissed her head.

"Daddy and Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper kept you safe and brought you back home. She

didn't hurt you, Sweetie. You were just a bit scared."

"I wasn't scared," Lucy retorted. "I was going to shoot her with a gun."

Rose and Emmett arrived at that moment and my sister-in-law raised her eyebrows.

"I made gingerbread ladies, who wants to decorate them?" she asked.

Alice took Dane from Emmett and kissed the baby then handed him back.

"Sorry, my ligaments are delicate and carting The Incredible Hulk about is probably a bad idea. Who's a clone of their Daddy, Dane boy?" she asked.

I watched from the window as I fetched dull bladed knives for the girls to use with the tins of frosting.

All three Cullen men were standing side by side, each holding their sons.

"Go take a photo," I whispered to Alice. These were the times Edward had wanted. Just hanging with his brothers, and the little boys, talking men talk. Just being a husband, like they were. Just sharing times with his family as an equal and not the disgraced son who visited from NYC now and then with his motherless daughter.

Lucy spent an age decorating Edward's cookie and he realized that and praised her for her efforts and she was satisfied with his reaction, but I knew she wanted to be where Dylan was so I scooped him from his Daddy and placed him in the playpen.

Edward lifted the girls onto a knee each and made a big production of tasting the cookies his girls had made for him, and I placed a coffee on the table in front of him and kissed the top of his unruly hair.

"I want that," Jazz remarked. "I want a house full of adoring women doting on me."

"Edward's always been the one the ladies notice," Emmett laughed.

"Jess says he is the best looking man in the state," Tori stated proudly.

"I wonder if Mike knows that is what she thinks," Jazz laughed.

"Of course he does. He knows he is but a poor substitute for Edward. You notice their wedding got postponed until Bella raced this boy down the aisle. She wasn't taking herself out of the running until he had a gold band welded on his finger," Rose added.

"You people amuse yourselves," Edward replied. "I'm sure you all imagine these things."

"Like I imagined that waitress wanting to race you into the bathroom at that restaurant?" I queried. "I wasn't game to order steak in case it came with a steak knife and she lost control."

"I can't say I noticed. The sexiest women in the country was, um, holding my knee. I couldn't even read the items on the menu. We had the top dish on the list. Some sort of pasta thing. I just wanted to leave and, er, get to bed for a good night's sleep."

"Mushroom ravioli," I informed him. "Whatever happened to that box of dessert? We never ate the cream pie."

Emmett opened his mouth and shut it again, realizing the kids were present and he couldn't make an Emmett joke about it.

"I'm sure Bella had another dessert waiting for you back at the cottage, right Bellarina?" he settled for.

"We had outdoor dessert on the bridge and then more dessert inside afterwards," I replied, feeling my face blush annoyingly.

"Jess says dessert should be only served now and then or you will get fat," Lucy added.

"Yes, Bella. It's a wonder you haven't ended up as fat as a cow after all that dessert," Jazz said with a grin. "You know Edward's dessert tends to leave you bloated."

"Not this time, for a change," I replied, touching the wooden table top for luck.

"Could we leave Austin here while Jazz and I rush home and get that thing we forgot?" Alice said, standing up hurriedly and grabbing her husband's hand.

"Is it a dessert?" Emmett asked smirking.

"Go, go get that thing," Rose encouraged. "Looks like stage two of the pregnancy symptoms just kicked in," she said knowingly.

As they left, Lucy looked at the front door as it swung shut behind them.

"They could have just had cookies. Cookies can be dessert."

"I think cookies are a bit too quiet for what they wanted to eat," Emmett said, ruffling Lucy's hair.

Edward silently lifted the girls down and coughed.

"Bella, we need to talk. Upstairs. You and Rose will watch all the kids for five minutes, right?" he asked his brother.

"Like you can carry out a complete conversation in five minutes. Yeah, go ahead. I guess Rosie and I can play nursemaid while you two 'talk' but keep the noise down or we will join you."

"Mommy and Daddy don't yell and fight," Tori stated.

"Oh really? Then things have changed a lot since High School. They were always screaming back then," Rose grinned.

X~x~X

EPOV

It was strangely erotic, knowing that my brother and Rose knew exactly what Bella and I had to talk about and in fact, not a word was spoken.

My wife pushed me against the bedroom wall and undid my pants and had them around my ankles, then she lost her panties and sat on the wide window sill in the dormer window. She'd insisted we have a reading nook there, but I'd never seen her lay here and read anything. The wooden bench was covered with a thin layer of cushions. I shuffled over and turned her so she was on her hands and knees, facing the empty backyard, her curvy backside right in front of my pelvis.

As I sank inside her warm wetness, she shocked me yet again.

"Do you ever want to try someplace no man has been before?" she asked in a whisper.

"You mean...?" I choked, grabbing her hips as I hardened even further. Who knew that was possible?.

Emmett always said not penetrating every orifice was like owning a house and never using the back door. To him it made no sense. Jazz never joined in those conversations, so I figured he wasn't a fan.

"God Bella. I want you in every single way, I always have. We could try that sometime. I can't imagine it could feel as sweet as this, but it is definitely a place I'd like to explore further," I replied breathlessly. This woman rocked my world constantly.

I grabbed the lube and slid two fingers inside her and watched her come undone as I thrust harder inside her even while I started gently preparing her for new things to come.

She bit down on her lip and hardly made a sound, to her credit. I muffled my cry into her hair and stilled, feeling the final spasms jolt through us.

I kissed her neck and her back and she turned and I claimed her lips with my own and pressed her body against the glass of the window.

"I hope that is safety glass," she laughed as she wriggled free of my arms.

Emmett's detailed dialogue was coming in handy for once. I'd always assumed Rose merely allowed that activity without getting anything out of it herself but the way Bella writhed at my touch, I was rethinking that now.

It occurred to me afterwards as Bella showered, that Victoria had made me the same offer once and I'd cringed and rejected it without thought. But Bella was mine and I wanted to know every inch of her intimately.

Maybe some women did like it.

Vic had liked it. One night after consuming a large portion of a bottle of Jack, we'd done something I had never anticipated. I'd participated in a threesome and I'd been sober enough to claim her in the more conventional orifice, while some friend of hers banged her elsewhere, and I had sworn to never be party to group sex again.

For some reason, I'd been the one who felt demeaned by the experience. God knows we had only ever been feral and fucked like animals, but this was a step too far.

That had been the final straw and I'd never touched Victoria again after that night, drunk or sober.

I guess it had proved to me there was nothing at all between us, seeing I'd seen another man fucking her as well and felt nothing. No outrage, no jealousy, no sense of betrayal or ownership, not anything at all.

Vic had informed me I was a prude and backdoor sex didn't even count. She'd gotten through High School as a virgin by only allowing boys to take her there. Even after she gave it up to some guy in college, she still considered herself monogamous if she only allowed randoms backdoor action when her current boyfriend was away.

This is why you should always start any interaction with a potential fuckbuddy with a full and complete disclosure. Had I known her history and her habits, I would have gone home alone that damned birthday night.

I would have never even spoken to her again had she not conceived. I always told myself it had not happened that night and I still pray to God that it's the truth. Please let Tori have been conceived earlier, before contempt and hate replaced the lust I'd felt for Victoria.

If I was ever even slightly tempted to relieve my stress in her again over the next months, a recollection of that night soon killed any lustful thoughts.

It would be entirely different with Bella, I told myself. But even as I thought that thought, I did wonder if I'd go through with it. I loved that she had offered and I was curious but was it us, really? Did I want to use her that way?

It didn't seem to be about love at all. I know we sometimes tried positions where she was not facing me, but my own favourites were always those where we could gaze into one another's eyes and watch each other truly meld together, often at the same instant.

I stepped into the shower stall behind her and started washing her body, and kissing her throat.

"We have to go downstairs or Emmett will come up and attempt to 'surprise' us," she warned.

"Probably with a camera in his hand to add to the yearly video collection," I added.

Bella was washing me herself and I marvelled at the small soft hands that gently touched me.

"I don't think I want to try what you suggested," I told her quietly. "It doesn't feel like something done from love alone. I truly respect you too much and I would always feel like you were enduring that for me, not enjoying it yourself. And I could never do anything that might hurt you, Bella."

"It's okay. I'm not really sure I want anything more in that place than has been there already," she answered, kissing my hands. "I didn't want to disappoint you by rescinding the offer but I do admit, I was not looking forward to it. Rose says it's something we have to endure for our men, but knowing that just makes it seem more like a punishment than an adventure. Do you have another fantasy we could try instead? I owe you one."

"Then yes, I do. My fantasy was to have you love me again, and that has happened so my next fantasy is that you love me forever. Until death do us part. I never want us to lose the connection and if it starts to fade, swear to me we will work on it and change things and never let this weaken. In good times and bad, sickness and health we must always put our marriage and relationship first. You will be tempted by other men, I dare say someday there may be a woman I notice though I can't imagine it yet, but when that happens, we need to rush home to one another and strengthen our bond. Use whatever we need to, to ensure we will always be solid and strong and unbreakable, because that is what these children need. Parents who can endure anything life throws our way."

"We already know what it's like to be apart, Edward. That never worked so well for either of us.

So, this is it. Eternity."

"Eternity," I promised. "No measure of time with you will ever be enough, Bella, but let's start with forever."

The End

**This one might get a sequel one day, I still feel like there's more to say for some reason.**


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